xrin Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Im a new member. And I'm sorry that this is a long read. Not too long ago my boyfriend & I were going through some problems. I didn't treat him properly,and Id take advantage of him. Which was wrong. And we'd often fight, because I have been guilty of shady behavior in our relationship, which I am not proud of. During our fights id end up saying hurtful things to him, which id later regret. Ex; 'I can find someone better, your lucky I'm still with you, other people are interested in me.' It was immature, and a hurtful way of handling situations. Then eventually, one day after our fights. He happened to meet a girl, who was one of his friends sisters. Lets call her Zoe. Zoe had added him onto Fb. I didn't have a facebook at the time, so I was unaware that they were in contact. They had been taking for 4 days. On the weekend he came to visit me and he had told me of the girl he had been speaking with. That she was apparently attractive and had boys after her. We had gotten into another fight that day, and due to the fight, he had mentioned that Zoe had a crush on him (trying to rub it in my face). But that he loved me. I was later suspicious, and after he left, and I saw his facebook account. I noticed that on his page he listed his status as single. He was indeed not single. He had told Zoe that he was single. On Fb he was also taking to Zoe, and he had complimented her calling her gorgeous. She had also sent him a "crush" and compliments calling him cute and what not, and his only reply to her had been "hey beautiful" Zoe was clearly interested in him. When I confronted him, he told me that he did this because he thought that "I didn't love him." due to all our fights, and he thought that I was cheating on him. He told me that she was the one who was asking for compliments, and that he was just being nice. I found out he didn't want me to see there chat logs, because he didn't want me to know they talked on the phone. She asked for his number, and he gave it. According to him, it felt awkward and to be on the phone with her, so said he had to go. And that was the only call. He had her on msn, but after seeing me on the weekend, he deleted her, and stopped talking to her since then. (And he added my name into his msn, so that she would notice that he is indeed taken/in a relationship.) Apparently they were only in contact for 4 days, before he decided what he was doing was wrong/ knew he was going too far with it, and knew it had to stop, because he didn't want her. I wasn't sure if anything/anything else was going on between them, and was hurt. So I decided to contact the girl myself. Surprisingly, she was very friendly and understanding, and let me know what was going on. According to Zoe he never mentioned a girlfriend. She also said that nothing had went on between them, and that all they did was talk. And that there was no interest, or feelings mentioned. She did see him in person once, but he only agreed to go if there was his male friends with him, so there was no date. Her & his friends went to the movie theater, but she sat in a row alone, while he sat next to his friends. She also did talk to him on the phone once, but it was normal talking and not long. She told me that they didn't talk for very long (4 days) before they ended contact with each other. My boyfriend told me that he liked her as a person (liked talking to her), and that he liked the attention that she gave him, and that he didnt find her bad looking. But he did not have a crush on her/ or have feelings for her, and didn't want to be with her. And that he wanted to be with me, which is why he didn't continue, and knew he was doing wrong. He told me that normally he wouldn't have acted like this towards another woman, but due to our fighting situation/ and his thoughts that I was cheating on him. That his attraction to her grew stronger, making him want to get some positive attention and talk to her more. He also told me that he was glad that I found out and was upset about it, because it showed that I "actually cared about him". He blocked Zoe off everything once I found out, and had no problem with it. There was no fights about it, he didn't care about having her in his life. He also ended up telling her off. He says he won't do this again, and feels terrible about it. So, I guess my questions are; Do you think he did this to get back at me? And to rub it in my face? Or make me jealous? Do you think he did this because he thought I didn't care? Would you consider this cheating? Or just a life lesson? Any other input.
The Paper Knight Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) During our fights id end up saying hurtful things to him, which id later regret. Ex; 'I can find someone better, your lucky I'm still with you, other people are interested in me.' It was immature, and a hurtful way of handling situations. yes it was and I would probably would have walked! On Fb he was also taking to Zoe, and he had complimented her calling her gorgeous. She had also sent him a "crush" and compliments calling him cute and what not, and his only reply to her had been "hey beautiful" Zoe was clearly interested in him. ahh stalkbook, its a beautiful thing I wasn't sure if anything/anything else was going on between them, and was hurt. So I decided to contact the girl myself. thats bold and does show you care He also told me that he was glad that I found out and was upset about it, because it showed that I "actually cared about him". yes, guys actually dig jealousy Do you think he did this to get back at me? And to rub it in my face? Or make me jealous? no, he just broadening his horizons as you where being a brat. Do you think he did this because he thought I didn't care? yes Would you consider this cheating? Or just a life lesson? how is this cheating, he was never with the other girl... and yes it is a lesson for you, that you should never threaten your partner with petty threats of how you are too good for him. If you feel if you are not getting enough attention then consider what he has done for you and its maybe you who has to try harder and do something nice for him. Relationships are give and take. Edited February 16, 2010 by The Paper Knight
Author xrin Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) Thank you for the reply, it was helpful. And I know I acted terribly, which is why I plan to change the way I act. Also... is there any way to delete threads on here? Edited February 16, 2010 by xrin
Recommended Posts