ello Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 Hi! I am new here so I hope that I am using this site properly! I could use some good advice. My boyfriend and I were together for about three years and moved in together quite soon. I am 24 and so is he. About a year ago his parents split up due to his father having an affair (he is still with the woman) and things seemed to be really upsetting my bf I don't know if this has anything to do with our problem. At the same time I was very busy in my last year at University and most of my time was devoted to my schooling. One day I came home from school, and I received a call from my bf saying that he had won a trip in a contest and asked me if I wanted to go. I told him that I didn't know because I was so busy in school, etc, and he told me he needed to know right then because the company needed to put names on the plane tickets. This started an arguement that got out of hand and I told him "fine I am not going" basically and that was the end of the conversation. He told me when he got home that he had put his brothers name on the ticket, and I was angry. He hadn't even really discussed it with me, and I felt that he should have put my name on anyway. (I probably shouldn't have) Anyway, we were both acting really stupid, and we fought really bad until the day before the trip. He discussed this with his family and it made things worse. HIs mother said that he can't not take his brother, and went on to say rude things like he didn't know what love was, he is too young, etc, and that he needed counselling. I was furious at this point, I felt that this was really not thier business to discuss especially without me present, and the fighting got worse to the point I finally told him to lget out and take his things. (this is a short version believe it or not.) He ended up going and when he came back from his trip he came over and we talked. I felt terrible, and he said to me " I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." WE talked and decided to work things out, but he was acting strange. A few days later he confessed to me that he has slept with someone else. It was really hard for me to deal with, but I had a hard time for awhile, and I moved out. This was about 8 months ago. He says that there are no excuses for what he did and I know that he is having a hard time with his too. He says that he feels that he has never been this low his entire life, and this is something that he is totally against, and he doesn't really know why he did this except that it happened only once, and he felt like he was liked at a time when he felt no one did, and he says that he really thought we were over. He has been trying to do everything he can to make it up to me for the last 8 months, and I have had other relationships before for long periods of time and I was never as happy as I was with him. He always treated me like a princess, and this was the only time he has ever caused me grief. I am so confused. I am sure he has learned agreat leson from this, although I don't know if I can forgive and forget this. I know I acted terrible, and treated him badly as well. but I don't think that is an excuse (he says its not as well. ) What do I do! ilove him! sorry for such a long message. If you need more detail please ask. It may be missing some detail cause I am trying to keep it as short as possible, so you can ask any questions.I am aware that my behaviour was bad as well. Please help me! _ Posts: 5
InLoKo Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 I think you need to ask yourself exactly what it is about his sleeping with another woman that upsets you so. That may seem like a stupid question, but when you think about it carefully, different people will answer the question in many ways. Was it the act itself, physically, his intent, are you jealous, betrayed, what? Don't forget, his heart is still obviously with you, as is his love. People can get back together happily after things like this. You don't have to think "he cheated therefore it is the end of us". If he had had an affair with another woman and had fallen in love, that would hurt far more. You don't say if his sleeping with someone else was a one-off or not, but assuming it was, it's happened and you can't turn the clock back. Think very carefully as to whether you are willing to throw away all that you have with him over his stupid mistake lasting 20 minutes max? You can forgive if you choose to. You can't ever forget.
Author ello Posted January 5, 2004 Author Posted January 5, 2004 Thank you so much for your reply. It was more like 5 min i'm sure (joke!) but I guess I feel like he couldn't really love me and do this. I am not sure if he is just a jerk, or of this was just a one time mistake. I am afraid to take a chance at getting hurt again. I feel insecure now I guess, and I am not sure why. I know that I am a good catch and guys are always chasing me. I also saw a photo fo the girl and she was nothing special to look at, and yes it was just once and he only knew her for a day. A drunken one too! He said that he felt like I didn't love him, and he says he was really confused and messed up, and I knew that, I could tell before he left. I also think maybe being in an amazing place with someone could put false feelings in this as well. maybe he thought she was so fun because the place was so fun. He told me that if he met her here, he would have no interest in her. In a way I feel like our relationship was tested and it failed. I am not sure if this is a sign to leave, or to work harder. I would like to fix things with his mom and brother as well but I don't know how. I feel terrible, but I know they treat people badly including my bf. My mom always says though that my feelings toward the family shouldn't determine any of this. A friend of mine is abused by her boyfriend and a reason she won't leave is because she loves the family so much. How can I stay and feel I have made the right decision? Am I ever going to forget this? It's getting better, although it still hurts, and I do not want to be a doormat.
dyermaker Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 Originally posted by ello Thank you so much for your reply. It was more like 5 min i'm sure (joke!) but I guess I feel like he couldn't really love me and do this. Your feelings are (always) right. It's not about the 5 minutes, it's about the trust that's now gone.
Author ello Posted January 5, 2004 Author Posted January 5, 2004 It's not really that I don't trust him, or the physical act, I think that it was the intent. I see the pain that this has caused both of us , and believe me, he is not any better off than I am. But if we get back together he may be. He says that this is the worse thing he has ever done, and I can tell he is depressed and embarassed by it as well. he is not a bad person, and we will be friends, I guess I just don't know how to feel good about us now. Is it possible? Has anyone here been through this and it worked out for you? I know that this has done alot of damage to his self esteem, and mine, so please be sensitive when replying here. thank you for any advice.
InLoKo Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 I have been through it before, many, many years ago. And my fiance then was having an all out fling, no drunkeness or mere 5 mins of jiggery involved. As it happened, it didn't work out but it had nothing to do with his affair. I did forgive him and we were very happy for a long time. Men really do handle sex differently to women. Lots of men can sleep with another woman they care nothing for whilst being in love with another. I don't think love comes into your situation here, even though you think it is in question, it isn't. You say you don't want to get hurt again and that's understandable, but I think you may be in for a far bumpier ride if you split from him now (reading between the lines of your post). You know him, I don't. You could look at it that if you got back together again, you can really make your relationship stronger and I am sure he will be forever grateful that you gave him that secind chance (be careful not to keep bringing it up over and over in future arguements. If you forgive, you really must forgive). Yes, your relationship has been tested, but it isn't finished yet, is it, so it hasn't failed. Forget about his Mum and brother, that's the least of your worries right now. You need to discuss ways of communicating better in the future so that if he won yet another contest, you both wouldn't have the same stupid fight again. You're not a doormat if you decide to give it another go. It takes alot of courage to reconsider and take him back. Only you can say whether he is worth it.
Author ello Posted January 5, 2004 Author Posted January 5, 2004 thank you InLoCo for your advice. I get so much advice that is simply "once a cheater..., you deserve better, only a bad person can do this" etc. which is what I always thought until this happened. I always believed that I would leave and maybe that's why it is so hard to understand that I can stay. But can a relationship that starts off this way become great again?? There is no question to me or anyone that knows my bf that he is a great caring, sensitive person. Sometimes I wish he would turn into a jerk and just leave so I won't have regrets. I had a similar situation with an ex, and when I left I was happy that I did even though I loved him. But he was a jerk and never really made me happy or feel loved. I worry that I may be comparing the two guys too much. My current friend/boyfriend is a breath of fresh air when compared to the last. How do I know if i stay? I know that if this scenario came up again it would be way different, and I know that he has learned alot about relationships. I am afraid of this always being in the back of our minds. Can it ever go away if I want it to badly enough? Or is it always going to be the only thing on my mind. It is alot better that it was a few months ago which is a good sign, but I need it to go into the back of my mind. I know people make mistakes, and do stupid things sometimes, that's why I think it may be worth forgiving, especially cause I know he feels the pain as well. I am just so unsure how to go about this but I want to do it carefully. If we stay together I want this to be a thing of the past and I know that even if I do take him back, and i don't let it go sooner or later, he won't feel comfortable in the relationship either. Although, I can't brush it off, it needs to be dealt with. We have had SO MANY talks and fights, and cries about it that I am not sure if it is time to bury it yet or not. I just know that I have to deal with it one way or another ans stop bringing it up. How do I know if I am over it, and because it is slowly bothering me less, does that mean the pain will go away, or is there a point to where it is always going to hurt s much? Hope this makes sense!
InLoKo Posted January 5, 2004 Posted January 5, 2004 Ok. Do you think he had a valid point in saying he believed it was over between you? I've read your original post and it seems to me that the day before the holiday he won, you told him to get his things and get out. If that was how it happened, why would he have thought you were both still an item? Is it possible (and I don't want to be inaccurate here, just fair) that he is right in what he was thinking? Or was that your understanding too and you are upset that he hardly waited a respectable amount of time before leaping in bed with the other girl? You need to clarify this both to yourself and in this thread. I think it's critical. If I assume, for the moment, that you agree he was right at that time, to think you and he were finished, then he didn't really cheat, did he. He is guilty of perhaps being insensitive, but strictly speaking, he was a free agent to bed whomever he wanted. If you honestly don't know what gave him the impression you two were finished ("get out and take your things" may give some people the impression it was over), then you need to discuss this further. Is he lying to try to justify his "cheating" perhaps by denying you two were still seeing each other? I also believed that if a partner cheated on me that would be it. It's surprising how differently you can react when it actually happens to you. Once a cheater....we need to establish if he did indeed cheat. It will always be in the back of your mind unless you get closure on it now. The way to get closure is to think carefully through what led up to it happening. Did he cheat or didn't he. The pain will go once you have it straight in your mind. In my situation that I previously mentioned, on occasions I got paranoid if certain things triggered the memories. We had a far better relationship after the affair was discovered than before. (I eventually realised I was too young to marry and we were world's apart in who we were, which is why I split from him.) You can turn this into a positive, learning experience if YOU choose to. Or you can let it become like a cancer, eating away at you both and destroying what you have. The choice and power is yours.
AprilFool Posted January 6, 2004 Posted January 6, 2004 You broke up. It doesn't matter how soon after a break up someone sleeps with someone because they are so sad and need comforting. If you hadn't had a change of heart, then this would not be a big deal. People do all kinds of stupid things when they are heartbroken. You dumped him. You dumped him. You dumped him. In my opinion, if any one is to blame it's YOU!!! You are the one who said something she didn't mean *aka get your things and get out* What was he supposed to think??? I always prided myself that if someone dumped me, then they were not good enough for me, so I never tried to get them back. So yes, I would have a date with someone within a few days...not out of spite, not as a rebound, but as a fun date with a guy, because I was no longer commited to someone. I think you've got a lot over NERVE to call it cheating. It's only cheating if you're TOGETHER. If you dump someone, they are not bound to you for the rest of your LIFE. They have a life too. I think he had some spunk to show himself, and unfortunately you, that he's not going to wait around for you, if you don't want him. He has shown you that if you want him, then he's committed to you, but if you don't, then he's going to have a life! If you want this guy back, take him back, and don't act like a stupid idiot and break up with him the next time you have a fight. I don't think he'll cheat on you EVER. I think the only reason he found comfort in someone else is because YOU DUMPED HIM AND BROKE HIS HEART. Given some people have the foresite to wait a few days after a break up before sleeping with someone...in case it works out, but how can you blame him!?!? You were NOT his girlfriend, you were NOT committed to him, he was ALL ALONE, so why should a single guy pass on a girl who's only there for one thing for one night? Most men wouldn't. Yes, he feels badly, because he really thought that his relationship was over, and all he wanted was to get back with you, and now he feels like he may have blown it. The only reason you're upset about this, is because your pride is hurt. You've already said that it's not that you don't trust him, or the act, it's simply because you can't believe that a man can leave someone as wonderful and perfect as you, and find someone else so soon. I say, look at yourself, and how foolishly you acted for dumping such a wonderful man, because you were so selfish that you didn't want him to have fun with his brother, while you were stuck at home doing homework. Quit being so prideful! He didn't cheat! He was SINGLE! If you two had been broken up for a year before you got together, would it have mattered how many women he slept with in that year? Why don't you look at this logically, instead of stupidly! Sorry to be so mean, but this whole things sounds silly. Now, had he been your husband, and you told him to get his things and go, then he slept with someone, that would've been cheating. You aren't married to this guy, correct? The reason people live together and "date" is because they don't want the committment of marriage. Sorry, but you got exactly what you bargained for. Don't dump him any more!!!
InLoKo Posted January 6, 2004 Posted January 6, 2004 I think your post is outrageous!! You don't know the full facts. Stop being so rude and insensitive until you know ALL the details.
AprilFool Posted January 6, 2004 Posted January 6, 2004 But: He ended up going and when he came back from his trip he came over and we talked. I felt terrible, and he said to me " I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." WE talked and decided to work things out, They mutually decided to work things out. He thought she didn't want to see him any more. It sounds like he genuinely thought they were broke up. The only committment they had was their agreement that they were exclusive. They didn't have a marriage contract or anything. The only committment they had was that they agreed to be exclusive. It sounds like SHE is the one who initiated the break up. She is the one who told him to "Get out" it sounds like she was wanting to be the big bad controller of the situation. It sounds like she threw him out to teach him a lesson. I sounds like he didn't take it that she was trying to teach him a lesson, but that he took it that she really didn't want to have anything to do with him any more. Of course, he could've just been trying to teach her a lesson as well, but it doesn't sound like that. He didn't have to tell her about it. What he does while they are mutually broke up is his business, and doesn't need to be brought into the relationship. It fully sounds to me like she dumped him. They may have been arguing, but when you throw someone out, that gives them the freedom to do whatever they want. If they had been married, though, I feel like that would've been a deeper committment. If she wants to blame him for cheating, then she needs to get a contract and sign it that they are exclusive forever. Otherwise, if the only agreement she is willing to have is "We're living together, by our mutual choice, " Then what does she expect when she dumps him? I'm sorry, I agree that I shouldn't have been so rude and insensitive, because I know she is hurt, but I don't think she is hurt because he cheated, because he didn't really cheat!
FreeMe Posted January 6, 2004 Posted January 6, 2004 It doesn't sound to me like you have a reason to consider this cheating. Not only did you tell him to get his things and get out, but you refused to go on the trip with him. I would never tell my boyfriend to go without me, especially in anger! And then after telling him you weren't going you got mad at him for not reading your mind and putting you on the trip ticket anyway. I don't think you behaved as well as you could have in this situation. It sounds like you're a bit hotheaded. On the other hand, I could understand you being upset that he slept with someone else. But considering what had happened, he had no reason not to and I'm sure he was feeling miserable or he wouldn't have done it. I think you need to try to deal with your feelings over it and work things out with him. Good Luck.
Author ello Posted January 7, 2004 Author Posted January 7, 2004 Hi there I am just leaving a quick message for now. I would just like to reply by saying that I feel that a contract shouldn't be needed in a relationship really. I don't feel that a contract means you should care more for someone, I think it is a legal binding more than anything if that makes sense. Anyway, living together for a few years I feel is quite a commitment, and yes I know that I acted terribly, and he has said himself that what he did was cheating because he was unsure of what was going to happen. Anyway, I haven't done anything like this since because I am aware that it may cause more problems and hurt, and that is why I have not dated anyone yet, because I care for his feelings, and I feel that he should have as well. thank you for your opinions I don't mind if they are a little mean, I just want the truth!
it's ello here Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 Sorry, it's a long reply, I hope its not too confusing to read. It is very hard to sum up the events and problems of a three year relationship and a story that has stretched over a nine month period in only a few paragraphs. Please ask any questions you may have instead of just assuming things. His family treated the both of us terribly because of this (mom and bro), and that was the reason I was so mad, it wasn't really about the trip at all in the end. I don't really want to go into every little detail, but his father actually was there and told them that they were terrible, and that they should treat me better. I am not imagining the treatment that they give other people, and my bf is aware of it as well, as they treat him the same. I just felt that he should have stood up to them, not necessarily by taking me on the trip, just by telling them what he really thought. I know it was really hard for him, but I felt that it was time for him to be a grown up and talk to them like one. I don't know if this makes much sense, but they have always tried to control his life, and he is not a little boy. His mother had tried to choose his career, control his finances (she would call me when he wasn't home to try and find out how much money he had etc.), and she even tries to make him feel bad about seeing his father who left her three years ago. But she also puts him down, says things no mother should say, and she has an alarm on the house that my bf is not allowed the code to because he doesn't live there! His brother is like her sidekick, and his own girlfriend thinks these same things, I don't say anything to her. I won't even go into detail about the rude things she has done to me but for example once I invited her for dinner, and she brought me a cookbook, she also asked me who got the furniture when me and bf broke up (this was in the beginning) but okay, the things I think are rude to me may be not intended. I know that I can deal with them, I just wish that they would treat him a little better. He has told me before he thinks they don't like him much, and I don't get it. Apperently he is not as successful as his bro. My mom hears things they do sometimes and she can't belive he could be treated that way. Anyway, this was a problem for me, but since all this, the day when he came back from the trip he asked his brother if he could borrow 20$, (we're Canadian so its not much) and his brother said no, and that my bf is no good with money. He said he felt his brother totally used him. And he has confronted his mom since all this and she says she feels really bad, although no one has bothered to give me a call. Oh well. HIs mother also says that she absolutely loves me, and he thinks that I do great things for my bf. I didn't really get the part about my guy showing me that he has a life without me or whatever you said April Fool That I didn't get since he has been crying to me to take him back for the last nine months, and his friends say that his world is based on finding ways to get me to come back.
FreeMe Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 Ello, I'm really sorry if I came off sounding mean - I didn't mean it that way at all. I sympathise with you. It sounded like you and your boyfriend had a pretty good relationship before and I was just trying to see both sides and hope you could work things out. I can completely sympathise on the controlling family thing. I went through that with someone but it was worse because he DID allow them to control him. At least his mom says she likes you. I was never allowed in my ex-boyfriend's parents' house! Nor was I allowed to call him there. They would have hung up on me. And I put up with that crap! How embarrassing. I'm glad I'm out of it. If you can't forgive him then you are right not to be with him because you would always have resentment towards him.
InLoKo Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 You sound as if he is still very important to you. Take him back, work on it. Keep your distance from the in-laws. Be happy!!
AprilFool Posted January 8, 2004 Posted January 8, 2004 I'm sorry, I feel that I was out of line, big time. Maybe it's best if you don't take him back. You are right, three years is a long time to live with someone, then after an argument run out and sleep with someone esle. Do you think he'll do it again? I love my husband very much. It would kill me if he slept with someone else after we had a fight. It would KILL me. Really, this is your decision, and I don't think we can be much help. We don't know how you feel, we don't know all the details, we don't know what's in his heart, and we don't know what the heck he was THINKING! It sounds like he still loves you, and he may never do it again, and he did come clean. He was really stupid. Really stupid. If you think he's learned from this, take him back, try to trust him, and be happy. If you are afraid he'll do something like this again, or if you just can't trust him....tell him it's really over, quit contacting you, and move on. I'm sorry....I feel like such a jerk.
Author ello Posted January 9, 2004 Author Posted January 9, 2004 Well, I do trust him I think, and the truth is I am just not sure what happened or how I feel. I do think he's a great guy and that's what makes this SO hard for me. I don't know anyone that's so caring, this was the only time I have known him to do any thing really terrible, but the problem is that this is terrible to me. I guess I feel like it's almost some kind of a RULE that if someone does this they don't love you, you have a bad relationship, that it will haunt you forever, and you need to brake up. At least this is what I felt that everyone thinks about relationships. I just want to know if I am wrong about that, because I really love him, and I think that he really is better than that, and probably better than most if not all the guys and even friends I have known. Other people always used to think we were the most perfect couple. Now I feel that's gone and I know I shouldn't care about what others think really, but I just want things the way they were and I am not sure if its possible. I am afraid that if I go back I may look like a fool. This may sound silly, but its hard to explain. I am quite picky when I choose my mates I feel. Could you guys maybe try to put yourself in my shoes for a moment, and tell me what you think you would do? Is it ever possible to fix this mess?? Should I bother?
Author ello Posted January 9, 2004 Author Posted January 9, 2004 P.S. I don't THINK that he would ever do this again, but the truth is that no one ever really knows if their mate will. When we go anywhere, or do anything I am always the one he pays all his attention to, he certainly makes me feel like i am the only girl in the world even now. He has told me that he wishes that I was the only girl that he had ever slept with in his life, and he says that he would never do that again because not only would he never want to make someone else feel that way again, but he never wants to feel this way again, or also about himself and his self- esteem that he says is very low. He was drunk at the time as well, so I just hope that that is not a concern.
AprilFool Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 I've only been with my husband about a year, and I just about know that if we had a fight that lasted a while, I threw him out, he got drunk, and he slept with someone else, then came to me trying to work things out, and confessed his sins.....It would kill me. It would probably take me about a month to even consider giving him another chance, but to be honest, I'm pretty sure that I would. It was a one time thing. He was lonely and depressed, and thinking we were over, especially since the fight had escalated to the point it had. You know what else I would do, though, I wouldn't tell anyone. I would keep it between me and my husband, and whomever he messed up with. I would want to know every single detail, and I would always want to know where he is, and who he's talking to, and I wouldn't want to hear him run his mouth ever about how I don't trust him. So me in your shoes would probably have taken him back 9 months ago.
Author ello Posted January 9, 2004 Author Posted January 9, 2004 thank you for your reply April Fool, you have been helpful, belive it or not it makes me feel better when people see both sides, and I think that is why i am thinking of taking him back. You see, i really believe that i acted terribly, and my best friend says that i am making excuses, but i think i am just trying to understand why this happened. I don't think that there is ever an excuse for cheating, but i am not sure what to think in my case. I was really terrible to him in our fighting. I am actually disgusted in myself, and i was while he was gone. It was really bad, and this defenition is probably quite tame. I just felt that his family acted worse, and that really bothered me, i don't feel our personal life is their business especially to judge when they didn't really know what was going on. In a way i see it as a way for us to learn now so that this may not happen 20 years later in some ugly affair. This has caused both of us great pain. It's just hard for me cause i have always thought cheating was where i drew the line. and i am so confused that i don't even know what to call it! But whatever it was, it deeply hurt. i also wonder, maybe i am a complete fool and he just used all of this as an excuse and he knew damn well that we were together at the time, and just didn't care. I'll never really know, and i don't even know how to guess. i certainly can't ask at thips point, he'd just tell me what i want to hear! I know i should have kept it a secret from everyone! but i needed someone to talk to. I was devestated. I didn't eat, sleep, go to school, i just stayed in bed. I felt like my whole world was taken away. I am still angry, upset, but not nearly as much. It seems to be going away, although it is not gone. I think i felt like i needed people to help, to understand, and now i think telling was a huge mistake cause i worry too much about what they think. i know its strange.
Author ello Posted January 9, 2004 Author Posted January 9, 2004 ps it's not really that i don't trust him at all. I am a bit cautious, but i honestly don't think he's that slimy that he would do this again. Especially after doing nothing but crying over it for months. I also don't want to torture him over this. Knowing his every move could make him unhappy. i know i wouldn't like it. i just mean that if i forgive, i have to really forgive, and let it go, or this will haunt us. that is why i think that i am having such a hard time with this. i need to make a decision so that i can forgive and move on from this in some way.
InLoKo Posted January 9, 2004 Posted January 9, 2004 Read through the whole thread again. As you get older, you care less and less what people think. However when I was 21 I didn't care that much either. Don't live your life for other people. They certainly don't live their's for you. Can you imagine a friend of yours saying to you she had finished with her b/f for you? You would think she was mad. You're going to have to be mature about this and make a decision. It's tough, but you will have to do it, before the decision is made for you.
Author ello Posted January 14, 2004 Author Posted January 14, 2004 Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? Like is this always going to be on my mind? Is there any way to know if I will heal from this and be able to have a great relationship with him now? Should I just take some time to myself? If anyone has been through anything similar, please help me with some coping skills. How can i get it out of my mind if i stay with him??
AprilFool Posted January 15, 2004 Posted January 15, 2004 You've had nine months, and he still wants you.... I doubt it will always be on your mind. I've never been cheated on, but I have been physically abused. My husband and I get along perfect as of late; he's learned to control his temper. I've learned not to push him when he's angry. He didn't beat me up, just a shove that bounced my head off the wall so hard that my earring fell out of my ear. I slapped him back, three times, so he grabbed my hands and held me down, and threatened to punch me in the mouth if I ever slapped him again, and put his fist on my mouth and pushed down so hard my mouth ended up being swelled up for the rest of the day. I don't think about it all the time, but it does cross my mind occasionally, and I get really depressed. Then, I say to myself, "If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you might as well not make yourself miserable." so I push the memory out of my mind, and think of something else. It all boils down to is it better with him or without him? If you can be happy and content, and satisfied for the rest of your life without him, the move on, so you don't have this memory haunting you every so often. If you are going to be miserable and always wondering "what if" then take him back, and do your best to push the memory out of your mind whenever it pops up. No use being miserable.
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