Moose1 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Hi, iv been with this girl for over a year and half. Im 21 and shes 20. Well After about a year i got a job offer a state away from her. I go see her her for a week every 2 months or so. I love her to death and have stuck with her through thick and thin including finding out that she had an std and everything. I knew what i wanted and it was her. I took this job a state away because i knew it would provide for the both of us. Her family and friends all like me and asked when we would get married. Well just recently she told me she kinda likes this guy at work. He knows when we fight and when shes down and he takes advantage of it. She told me that she cant be with me if she likes another guy so she broke up with. Now shes saying that maybe She should date him once to see if she likes it. She still says she loves me and doesn't want to actually be with anyone else. She just wants to make sure that im the one. Shes doubting the whole relationship because im not always there to give her the physical attention that she wants. I don't know what to do because if she decides she wants me back, she is still going to be working this guy either way so he wont be completely out of the picture. I love her with everything i have and it hurt tremendously when she told me this but i decided to give her space to think. I told her if she dates him then i don't think i can take you back. Right now she still doesn't know what she wants to do, she says she wants to date then says she doesn't know...I really need help because im losing my insanity over it. depression kicks in and idk what to all day since i can only call or text her right now. Im going down to visit her in a couple of days to maybe work things out..but what if she does it again?
AnnPod Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Sounds to me like she wants to try someone else, and if this doesn't work out she still has you, so she won't be alone, like a plan B. I understand that you are depressed, that you right now have the feeling you would do ANYTHING to make her stay, but are you really sure about someone who behaves selfish like this? I'm sure it's possible to get a healthier relationship than that. Also, if you would decide to completely step back from her you would show her that she can't do what she wants with you.
SuburbanOblivion Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Is it really malicious, or is it just that she isn't 100% sure what she wants? I know this is completely side-tracking, but something that stood out to me is that you are going to see her for a week every two months. Why? If you are only a state away, why not make more frequent, but shorter trips? Maybe a 3 day weekend every 3 weeks or something of that sort? Or drive over on a Friday night and come back Sunday if time off work is an issue? A most states are 3-5 hours at most across, and that sort of a drive is nothing if it means a stronger relationship. Just my unsolicited thoughts
Author Moose1 Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 To answer your question i would but time off work is hard to get, not only that but its an 8 hour drive one way. so it makes it a bit hard. Right now she says she just needs some space for school and to focus which is fine. I dont have a problem with that, but she is also saying that once she can think she will decide if she still wants to date other people.
SuburbanOblivion Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Gotcha. I'm not really sure what to say. You can't force someone to commit who doesn't want to. You need to decide if you are willing to have an open relationship for the moment, or just walk away, because those seem to be the choices she is offering. She might not be so keen on the idea of dating others if she thought you'd be dating others as well.
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