Lights Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) I'm sick of being stood up. What methods can be applied to prevent being stood up? What methods can be applied to teach people who transgress against me in this fashion that standing me up is a mistake? Edited February 16, 2010 by Lights
soup Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Is it the same person over and over or different people each time? If it's the same person, you need to stop wasting your time trying to meet them, accept they are not really interested and move on. If it's different people, that's harder to work out....
Author Lights Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Hi Soup, It's different people.
laRubiaBonita Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 stood up how? did they not pick you up? did they not meet you at the place?
Author Lights Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 stood up how? did they not pick you up? did they not meet you at the place? They never bothered to show up at all. (These were separate people in separate instances.) In one case, one of them did bother to show up, but did so over an hour late and was entirely unprepared as well.
fennel6 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I used to have this issue as a younger person. After hanging around endlessly in front of coffee shops and feeling lower than whale feces on the bottom of the ocean, I made a rule for myself. No waiting for anybody for more than fifteen minutes. If they didn't show up by that time, I was gone. At least that way, I didn't feel that I was wasting too much of my time. When confronting the "stand- uppers" , they all had invariably lame excuses, and I simply chose not to ask them out again. My other (regular) friends who showed up after I'd departed began to learn to show up on time.
Author Lights Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) I used to have this issue as a younger person. After hanging around endlessly in front of coffee shops and feeling lower than whale feces on the bottom of the ocean, I made a rule for myself. No waiting for anybody for more than fifteen minutes. If they didn't show up by that time, I was gone. At least that way, I didn't feel that I was wasting too much of my time. When confronting the "stand- uppers" , they all had invariably lame excuses, and I simply chose not to ask them out again. My other (regular) friends who showed up after I'd departed began to learn to show up on time. In the case of the one who showed up an hour late, I was going to be there anyways (I was meeting people at a library to get some studying in). Though I can understand not idly waiting around, it hasn't ever really changed the situation; people still feel they can dare to transgress against me in this fashion freely and safely. Edited February 18, 2010 by Lights
Author Lights Posted February 19, 2010 Author Posted February 19, 2010 These women obviously have no respect for you. Lights, you have a history of not being able to tell when a woman is or is not interested in you. Sometimes, a woman will agree to a date just because she feels like she's been pushed into a corner and it would be rude to say no. This would result in her later standing you up. Hi Hot Mess, sorry I missed your post when I replied yesterday. Yes, it's clear that these people do not respect me. I would like to know how to teach them that that's not a smart idea, and that they better try that stuff with someone else instead if they think it's so cool. But this isn't even just about women or dates. This even happens with the most mundane of meetups with either gender, for any purpose. Here's a tip - before you ask someone out, you need to do a bit of groundwork to ensure that they are actually interested in you! What sort of groundwork would I do?
soup Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 Nearly everyone is always late for everything these days. You need a cellphone. Then you can call and say "where are you". The language you are using about people "daring" to stand you up and "teaching them respect" sounds slightly psychotic. I understand your feelings are hurt. But there's no need to teach them anything, just move on to someone who treats you better. BUT.... really, everyone I know is always late and I have to call them to see what's happening. Most people just don't see punctuality as important now that it's so easy to get in touch.
Author Lights Posted February 20, 2010 Author Posted February 20, 2010 (edited) Nearly everyone is always late for everything these days. You need a cellphone. Then you can call and say "where are you". Hi Soup, I do have one and use one. I know for a fact that this isn't a technological issue. It's a personal respect issue. The language you are using about people "daring" to stand you up and "teaching them respect" sounds slightly psychotic. I understand your feelings are hurt. But there's no need to teach them anything, just move on to someone who treats you better. Moving on is a given, though I have no way of knowing whether the next person I move on to is actually going to treat me better. But if n people treat one badly and are able to do so with impunity, it also sets a very bad precedent, and not only the original transgressors but also other people can get ideas about what they can get away with. Edited February 20, 2010 by Lights
Joe Normal Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I used to have this issue as a younger person. After hanging around endlessly in front of coffee shops and feeling lower than whale feces on the bottom of the ocean, I made a rule for myself. No waiting for anybody for more than fifteen minutes. If they didn't show up by that time, I was gone. At least that way, I didn't feel that I was wasting too much of my time. When confronting the "stand- uppers" , they all had invariably lame excuses, and I simply chose not to ask them out again. My other (regular) friends who showed up after I'd departed began to learn to show up on time. I agree with this. People will treat you in the way that you let them treat you.
Joe Normal Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Anyone...anything...please? Take a book, and mentally prepare for spending an hour or two browsing the shops or eating/drinking alone. Or go to a nearby cinema. In other words, have a Plan B. If they don't turn up within 15 minutes, then leave and go for Plan B, having fun by yourself for a couple of hours. If there's a genuine reason for lateness, a person with manners will let you know in advance.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Oh geez, I had an ex boyfriend who did this CONSTANTLY. He would always be like 2 hours late or never show up at all. He wouldn't even call to tell me either! It drove me nuts. I would call him to see where he was and I felt like some kind of stalker. I just think it's so rude and disrespectful to do that. After calling him multiple times he would finally call me with some b.s. excuse. Unfortunately, it is hard to change these kinds of habits. You can't really change them unless they want to do it for themself. If you don't like it then don't associate or date these types of men. After breaking up with my ex I knew that one of my criteria for a relationship was someone who showed up when they said they were and are reliable. And my fiance is just that!
Odyssey Posted March 2, 2010 Posted March 2, 2010 They never bothered to show up at all. (These were separate people in separate instances.) In one case, one of them did bother to show up, but did so over an hour late and was entirely unprepared as well.Forget 1 hour. Unless they call with some excuse, i'm gone after 15mins tops! You can only show them that you won't wait for them...but that's no guarantee they will adjust their behaviour if they are always late. Anyway, since they're separate people and incidents... i'll notch it down as a string of bad luck.
Author Lights Posted March 3, 2010 Author Posted March 3, 2010 (edited) Forget 1 hour. Unless they call with some excuse, i'm gone after 15mins tops! You can only show them that you won't wait for them...but that's no guarantee they will adjust their behaviour if they are always late. I was going to be in that library studying anyways for those hours. I can agree with not idly waiting around, though. Anyway, since they're separate people and incidents... i'll notch it down as a string of bad luck. I don't believe this is luck. Not the way things have been going in my life. Oh geez, I had an ex boyfriend who did this CONSTANTLY. He would always be like 2 hours late or never show up at all. He wouldn't even call to tell me either! It drove me nuts. I would call him to see where he was and I felt like some kind of stalker. I just think it's so rude and disrespectful to do that. After calling him multiple times he would finally call me with some b.s. excuse. Unfortunately, it is hard to change these kinds of habits. You can't really change them unless they want to do it for themself. If you don't like it then don't associate or date these types of men. After breaking up with my ex I knew that one of my criteria for a relationship was someone who showed up when they said they were and are reliable. And my fiance is just that! If they stand me up I don't plan on dealing with them further unless they struggle long and hard to earn my trust (which no one ever does), so there's no question of habits. However, this keeps happening to me and people still keep getting away scot-free. How would I stop this from happening in the first place? I do not know how to tell how reliable someone is on sight. Take a book, and mentally prepare for spending an hour or two browsing the shops or eating/drinking alone. Or go to a nearby cinema. In other words, have a Plan B. If they don't turn up within 15 minutes, then leave and go for Plan B, having fun by yourself for a couple of hours. If there's a genuine reason for lateness, a person with manners will let you know in advance. Tell me about it. No one ever lets me know anything in advance. I agree with this. People will treat you in the way that you let them treat you. That's just it, though. I don't know how not to let people disrespect me the first time. How do I make an example out of these sort of people by punishing them, so that people in all places learn that this sort of behavior doesn't fly with me? I would like to know how to deter this sort of behavior, and, should it happen anyways, how to avenge it. Edited March 3, 2010 by Lights
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