MarthaStevensson Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 We all would like to be a part of healthy, fulfilling, long-lasting relationship, which is fresh and enjoyable as if we remained 20 years old folks. Since last year I am attending the therapeutic sessions here in New Jersey organized by dr Janet Crain. On one of the sessions she told me an interesting story.... One day in December last year, short before Christmas she had a visit of a woman- middle age, attractive female with positive outlook and life attitude... Nobody would say that something might be wrong with her life....at least it didn`t look like... But she actually had a problem.... She said... "ok, me and my husband are a perfect couple from our friends` perspective... I also feel that I couldn`t have a better husband, but I feel that with the passing time something is missing. Something is missing and is negatively and tremendously influencing our relationship..." and then she asked: "HOW TO KEEP MY RELATIONSHIP ALIVE?" Then we had a branstorming activity where everybody was encouraged to share thoughts on that with others.... As my parents divorced few years back, I have been thinking a lot about the question asked by this woman a lot. My parents didn`t really fight or something like that. I just have a feeling that their relationship was constantly dying and just finished one day... I just don`t want my relationship to “die”. I want to learn from others mistakes. So I came up with some ideas but am also extremely looking forward to add your ideas into my list. This is my list: 1. Appreciate your partner and show it to him. 2. Keep dating- at least one evening per week only for you! 3. Keep communicating- talk a lot, share problems, and challenges on a daily basis. 4. Remember beginning- remind yourself why do you love him/her. 5. Take risk and challenges together. 6. Take up a common hobby. 7. Organize "little surprises" for each other. Any other ideas? Please share it with me....
confusedinkansas Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 ..................And.... * The things on this list - don't always work (IT takes TWO-to-Tango) * IN "Goo-Goo" love is VERY different than MATURE love * No or limited sex for a time in a relationship is NORMAL * Raising Children / Mortgages / Car Payments / Student Loans .... all take the "Romance" out of LIFE. - Only YOU & YOUR Partner can bring it back. * Having an affair isn't the answer to marital problems * Having a child isn't the answer to marital problems * Realize that, you may think your friends have PERFECT marriages (& yours seems to be in the crapper) - But EVERYTHING is not always as it seems. * Remember - What works for one, doesn't work for another. Thank God we are all different (this is for those here in LS that think that their way is the ONLY way to fix marital problems)
Author MarthaStevensson Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Yes, I agree with your points but it was actually not my question. I am aware of all the points which you`ve made but my purpose was to get the ideas of keeping relationships alive with respect for all the facts which you mentioned. I consulted my list with my therapist and that`s what she added: - Take care of yourself - Deal with negative things as they come up - Read your partner everyday - Request and respect each others' opinions. - Be conscious of how you deal with sensitive issues She said that this is the list based on her experiences and interaction with her "patients". According to her one of the most important issues is that each side of the relationship should keep his/her "unique self" growing... each side should have his/her individual hobbies, interests, etc. so that both can bring always something new and fresh to the relationship. She was counselling a lot of cases like this and she actually had an interesting story to share with me... One woman after visiting her decided to take part in a yoga sessions. It has been always her dream to do it... She did it in the past, when she was at the college and then she stopped. When my therapiest got to know about it she encouraged her to start again... The woman followed her suggestions and after all she even went to India for some time and when she was back she started teaching yoga in one of the centers in New Jersey. When she visited my therapist after she said that it really helped her to rebuild her relationship. Her husband actually admire her now and is really curious about her new mystical interest.... They are planning to go for a trip to India together... I think that it is a really interesting and inspirational example. My therapist wrote a book where she included more case studies based on her experiences as "relationship coach" - "If You Want An Egg Roll Get Out Of The Pizzeria" For more details check her website: http://www.ifyouwantaneggroll.com I am looking forward to more suggestions on "Keeping Relationship Alive". I am sure that you people have a lot of ideas. Don`t be afraid to share it with me!”
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