sammigirl445 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Okay, so lately I have felt absolutely crazy and I want to know if anyone else has been in the same situation... My boyfriend had one serious girlfriend before me, for 3 years, and she absolutely broke his heart, he said he never had any problems with their relationship and i KNOW for a fact he told her things like "i want to be with you forever" and so on.. The part that tears me up the most is that he tells me these things now... we are very young (21 yrs old) and i know his previous relationship occured in high school, and that people change and become much less naive. He now says he realized that she treated him like dirt yet he loved her more than anything. MY jealously stems from the fact that- she treated him like sh** and he was still crazy in love with her, and would of not broken up with her anytime soon. I treat him better than any other boyfriend I've had, I truly treat him like a king so it leaves me wondering "well why WOULDN'T he like me" I mean I do so much for him, i feel resentful and jealous because I feel like "whats so great about her that he saw no issues being with someone who treated him so poorly?" i check her facebook SO much, i know almost every photo comment on every picture she has- yes it's that bad. I know the moment something is posted on her page and so on, I truly hate the way Im acting. On top of it all-I had a boyfriend for the first 2 years i knew him, and I am still in constant contact with my ex- even though he hasn't talked to his in months. He tells me all the time how he's never met anyone who makes him feel so good- he even included me in one of his college essays about how much Ive changed his life!! What is wrong with me?! Ugh!
animalinthemist Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 i was in a similar situation..almost exact similar situation 8 years ago w/ my 2nd boyfriend. his ex was a dancer or stripper, im not sure. she broke his heart a lot and his mom hated that girl to death. i found her love letters to him and burned them. our relationship didnt survive anyway. its up to you, but you're young. and if u feel too hurt and too sad more than happy, its time to let go. move on.
cuppa Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 When I was in my 20s, I did things that I wished I didn't do because of my insecurity and low self esteem. I am not saying that you suffer from the same but obviously, you feel very insecured in your relationship with your boyfriend. I had a relationship like that before and if I could turn back time, this is what I would do if I were you: 1. Don't make him your whole world. Yes, you love him but don't be all out and giving your heart 100%. You mention you treat him like a king, DON'T. If you used to wait him to call you, don't do that either. Go out with your friends, develop a hobby, concentrate on your study/work. 2. Be comfortable in your skin. This means everything, the whole package, personality, looks, body, etc. Go exercise and develop a positive body image. Get the security from the inside instead of from your boyfriend or your relationship. If you get these two down, not only you won't have time to facebook stalking (way too busy), but you will have no desire to do so. It's hard to explain and I don't ask you to play games with him but sometimes, when things become too available, people take things for granted. So at your age, why don't you grow yourself, be comfortable with who you are, and then the relationship will follow. You will know what you want then and will not settle for less. Good luck!
lordWilhelm Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 You can see her profile because she's your BF's friend on FB, right? Why not just block her. Then you won't be able to look her up anymore -- that will help with the FB stalking. As for your BF bringing her up -- is it because you're asking him about her, or does he just unload this on you? If you're asking about it, then it's your fault and you need to find a way to put an end to it just like the FB stalking. If he's bringing it up, then he's being inconsiderate to your feelings. He probably doesn't realize he's hurting you, so tell him how you feel about it.
artchick88 Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 1.) You need to block this girl because you absoslutely cannot look at her profile anymore. If you get your kicks from checking out her profile you have no business being in a serious relationship. If you want to be mature enough to have a healthy relationship, do the mature thing and STOP obsessing over his ex. 2.) He is allowed to feel that way for her. He existed before he even knew you. I personally was in a relationship with someone who treated me terribly for 3 years, and I was so young and stupid that NO ONE could pull me away from him. I really thought I loved him. Maybe I did. But now that I can look back and realize how awful he was to me, I realize that was how I used to feel. I used to be a different person and I feel differently now about a lot of things but no matter who I am or who I become I will always know that I used to feel a certain way. See what I'm getting at? Let it go. If you think you are such a great girlfriend then embrace that and stop acting like a jealous fool. This obsession will only fuel something that needs to be put out! NOW! Good Luck!!!
boogieboy Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 He probably lusted after her for a while in high school, and worked to be able to date her. Since he had to "earn" her, he fell in love with her right away when he got her. That might be why she had him wrapped around her finger. If he didnt have to work that way to be able to date you, if you made it easy, (its supposed to be easy) and if he feels he is in control of this relationship..then theres the difference.
Ash20 Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 Hi Sammigirl445, I am currently in a very similar situation myself. My boyfriend and I are also 21 like you. My boyfriend had a lot of sexual partners in high school, but only one girlfriend, who I believe he really fell for. From what he has told me, they dated very early on in high school, then they broke up. Then, they got back together in 10th grade, and were together for 6 months before she dumped him for another guy. He told me that she played with his emotions and dragged him around. After she dumped him for another guy, he stayed best friends with her and helped her through all her problems. She was even his date to his senior prom. Our freshman year of college he met me and according to him, he fell head over heals for me. She got jealous that she was no longer getting all his attention anymore, and proceeded with her plans to try to take his attention back (even though I really believe she didn't want to be WITH him, she just wanted his attention). Anyway, to make a long story short, she and I don't get along and my boyfriend still talks to her. I also stalk her on facebook. I drive myself crazy sometimes. Pretty much like everyone has already said, it's not healthy, blocking her would probably be the best thing, and try to find other things to do. Our situations are so alike. I love my boyfriend and I treat him well...at least a lot better than she treated him. I always wonder what is so special about her that he HAS to have her in his life after all the times she dragged him around, and dumped him for another guy. Yet, I have never done any of that to him, I always show him I care about him, and sometimes he acts more concerned about her than about me. I feel for you, and I truly hope it gets better for you. Try to talk to him about it. Good luck!
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