Sustaining NC, support would be appreciated

[Ninita]

I know what you're going through.

I'm still missing my ex after one year. I initiated contact again, once after 6 months (bad idea, he freaked out when we met because he "didn't want to go through the pain again" and because he felt really bad having seen me. Which made me think he still loves me. Which made it way worse). And now again after a year. Another bad idea. I NEED to stop. (And more humiliatingly, I'm still the one trying to get him to talk to me, not vice versa. Really not good for self-esteem).

Breaking N/C is SERIOUSLY a bad idea.

By the way, why does it take so long???

I can't find anyone else

[Getting_stronger]

All im gonna say is nc sucks!! But now that he has contacted me,it sucks even more.Back to day one crying all the time and wondering when he will call again!!iI was doing so well now i am a mess!!

Amilyah- how have you done? What happened?

[babyswan]

jb I am going through the same thing too... honestly. It's exhausting... I'm so tired I can't keep my mind occupied all the time. I nearly came on here today to post exactly the same thing... how do I stop this pain? Arrrh! It's stuck on me and I can't get it off......! He is like a sticky thing stuck on me and I need to throw it off! Get off me!!!!!!!

 

I think the only thing that is keeping me in dark this place is hope. Some kind of disbelief that how could my ex not want me after all I have done? I devoted my life to him. How can someone not want that? We had such chemistry..... and a million other things that were good....

 

I have no idea how he is feeling about things. All I know is that I shouldn't risk being with him again because this pain is just too much. I can't go through this AGAIN - NO WAY - He is not what I want. He could be but has choesn not to be. He couldn't give me what I want.... commitment. Simple. Isn't that simple... he couldn't give me what I want, so he's not the person I want.

 

Yesterday, for a few hours I had a breakthrough. I spoke to someone about a possible job... something that sounded ideal. It meant something completely different in my life. Totally new and seperate from my ex, and that was a first. Considering my choices without him. I don't really want to -but, he has considered his choices with out me so it seems crazy I should still hang on.

 

Yesterday I suddenly felt like I was zooming out from the situation... seeing him and all his issues, poor communication, bad behaviour, literaly.. almost like a dream, he was in the centre of the picture and I watched him fighting with himself to come out on top of everyone, nasty comments, complete lack of tact and understanding, all the things I could see i his behaviour that he hid from other people, all the ridculous things he said that sounded so desperate, like - I'm the only man you have ever been out with (apparently because he won't speak to me for days that makes him a real man and the only real man I have ever been with because none of my ex bf's behaved that way, this bit makes me laugh), he tries so hard to escape any kind of discomfort and himself and others suffer because of it. I see a really hard man, almost like a dictator, a fighter, will take from people but give so little, but in the end, I see him collapse in a pathetic mess... struggling... but eternally fighting.. calling me an ungrateful b****, dissing me, he wont give in until he is dead to get his own way.... he will never believe he is or has been wrong... he may do, but it's always too late and people are turning away from him and leaving him.. like me...and I'm zooming out ... leaving him behind.... and I walk away with my heart so full, bursting with love for everyone and things but him.... it could have been his, but now I am protecting it for what makes me happy - eventually as I zoom out he will become a tiny speck and then disappear as my world fills up around this image (like the job I'm interested in) and he and my past start to look gray.

 

Having said that - I woke up this morning - and I am wondering how I can fill my life up where he used to be? Thing is.. those intense moments and thoughts do pass... they do come and go. And they are around more than not right now. Something I read was with pain like this, they don't just disappear... they fade. Each thought hurts, sometimes you can have the thought and it hurts like hell and it feels there is nothing you can do about it, sometimes you can have the thought and can think - yeah, but I have so much to give and thy're a **** and i don't want them anyway, and then back to the pain that feels like it is killing you.... and then maybe you'll be in pain again but you may look up here on LS and think - yeah, why would I chose someone who doesn't want me?.... you go through thoughts and feelings of hope and despair. That is completely normal. Those moments you know you are better off without her is healing. It maybe followed by desperation again, but those moments of despair will fade over time. The important thing is, is to not do - don't sit there doing nothing - well, actually you can - you can take some time to allow yourself to feel hurt, because lord knows of course you are feeling hurt - allow yourself to hurt - cry - scream... feel low and desperate... but then do something... come on here, go over why it is right that you leave her behind - then watch a dvd, have a crap, brush your teeth, make a coffee for someone.... think about what you want in your life and how you can get it. As humans we do heal. When someone dies we naturally heal. And you will heal... and I will. Almost part of me doesn't want to devote time to healing because I miss him so much...! But each time you find yourself thinking like that.. hurt... cry.. and then do something. It doesn't have to be strenuous - just give youself a break from the thoughts and be kind to yourself.

 

*hug*

 

seriously - there is so many posts on here that will get you through a moment of despair... just take thse moments one at a time. They will fade and your new life will start appearing before your eyes....

 

I know I've rambled... I hope that's ok. I am older than you - I have been through a few LTR relationship break ups... they don't feel easier but I am absolutely convinced that I will come out the other side... just like when someone dies... people smile again and live their lives and have good times...

 

x

[carnegie]

 

Around a week and a half/two weeks after the breakup, she said she wanted to talk, and see how I was doing. We talked the next night for a good 35 minutes, didn't bring up the relationship, we had some laughs, I was the one to end the conversation.

 

She attempted to talk to me through text later that night, and the next day. The next day I called her and told her it was great talking to her, but that talking to her as a friend is too much to handle, as I still have feelings for her, and I asked her to respect my wishes in that I do not want to speak to her anymore. She said Ok. She texted me 10 minutes later, explaining that she didn't want me out of her life completely.

 

I didn't reply, and around 4 days after initiating contact, she tried telling me she needed to talk to me, and texted me two more times, she still got no reply from me.

 

 

I was good for 2 weeks or so, with not looking at her profile on facebook, or anything else related to her. I decided to see if my suspicions were correct, and they were. She left me for a complete toolbag, 7 years older than her. Pictures together and everything.

 

I'm now mad at myself because it's like I set myself up for heartache.

 

How do I get past this hurt? I've tried my best to stay busy, see other people, but it's still hurting pretty badly.

Well done, dude! You're just doing the right thing! To answer your question "How do I get past this hurt?". That is what you re doing: NC, NC and NC. I really glad you can stick in that. when a relationship comes to the end, people usually beg, write letters, keep calling, keep texting,...those were big mistake. Hope your heart can heal soon! just keep yourself busy, and one day, you'll ask yourself "how can i love this girl?". I'm glad if there's anything can help.

Best regards.