Sustaining NC, support would be appreciated

[jb89]

So, I haven't contacted my ex-girlfriend in going on around 2 weeks or so.

 

I was broken up with mid-January, I struggled the first few days, did the expected attempts at trying to make her think twice about her decision, etc.

Contact was kept to a minimum.

 

Around a week and a half/two weeks after the breakup, she said she wanted to talk, and see how I was doing. We talked the next night for a good 35 minutes, didn't bring up the relationship, we had some laughs, I was the one to end the conversation.

 

She attempted to talk to me through text later that night, and the next day. The next day I called her and told her it was great talking to her, but that talking to her as a friend is too much to handle, as I still have feelings for her, and I asked her to respect my wishes in that I do not want to speak to her anymore. She said Ok. She texted me 10 minutes later, explaining that she didn't want me out of her life completely.

 

I didn't reply, and around 4 days after initiating contact, she tried telling me she needed to talk to me, and texted me two more times, she still got no reply from me.

 

 

I was good for 2 weeks or so, with not looking at her profile on facebook, or anything else related to her. I decided to see if my suspicions were correct, and they were. She left me for a complete toolbag, 7 years older than her. Pictures together and everything.

 

I'm now mad at myself because it's like I set myself up for heartache.

 

How do I get past this hurt? I've tried my best to stay busy, see other people, but it's still hurting pretty badly.

Edited February 16, 2010 by jb89

[MizzBella]

Breaking up just simply hurts - but it will get better. And you're actually doing really well with the NC. I'm impressed!

 

Don't concentrate on the tool she's with - she will likely do the same to him someday.

 

Getting some hobbies and making sure you're busy actually does help, and in time you'll be wondering what you ever saw in her!

[jb89]

Well that's just it. She did to me, what she did to the guy she dated before me. That's why I'm sort of mad that I set myself up for it. I mean, I really believe that at one point we were in love. She started talking to me right as she was breaking up with him, then we went from there.

[The Paper Knight]

I was good for 2 weeks or so, with not looking at her profile on facebook, or anything else related to her. I decided to see if my suspicions were correct, and they were. She left me for a complete toolbag, 7 years older than her. Pictures together and everything

 

Unfortunately you have broken a very important NC rule, which makes the recovery process much longer and more painful - as you DONT want to know what she is up to ever again.

 

I'm now mad at myself because it's like I set myself up for heartache.

 

Don't be mad at yourself as we on LS have all had relationships fail and subsequently we have all broken the NC rules and I still do from time to time (mush to my dismay) as love will make you stumble and fall.

 

How do I get past this hurt? I've tried my best to stay busy, see other people, but it's still hurting pretty badly.

 

Continue with full NC, delete all texts, numbers, fb and throw away all other memories; photos, gifts everything. Keep close to family and friends and above all keep your mind busy.

 

Then its just a matter of time... hope this helps.

 

Hang tough and stay strong.

[jb89]

I was really kind of bummed out that I saw that she's talking to this other guy now, but at the same time, I'm glad I got my confirmation I needed. She's not worth it, and I do deserve better. I just need to get over her, and I'm sure when someone else comes along that'll be twice as easy. (not referring to a rebound)

[LostInLimbo]

I was really kind of bummed out that I saw that she's talking to this other guy now, but at the same time, I'm glad I got my confirmation I needed. She's not worth it, and I do deserve better. I just need to get over her, and I'm sure when someone else comes along that'll be twice as easy. (not referring to a rebound)

 

 

The onething you need to realize is and trust me when I say this, Its good you got confirmation, but now you need to go full NC stop looking for things, it will find you some how and thats what you need to prepare yourself for, incase that time comes, meaning NC=Healing....

 

Best of luck...been through it as well...

 

LiL

[skydiveaddict]

How do I get past this hurt? I've tried my best to stay busy, see other people, but it's still hurting pretty badly.

 

 

You just have to hang tough dude. It takes time. I'm going through it right now also

[The Paper Knight]

I was really kind of bummed out that I saw that she's talking to this other guy now, but at the same time, I'm glad I got my confirmation I needed. She's not worth it, and I do deserve better. I just need to get over her, and I'm sure when someone else comes along that'll be twice as easy. (not referring to a rebound)

 

I am not sure if it gets any easier...

 

IMHO it gets harder as you get older, as you realize how scarce real compassionate people are.

[jb89]

I am not sure if it gets any easier...

 

IMHO it gets harder as you get older, as you realize how scarce real compassionate people are.

 

That's probably the worst part. I'm only 20, but I've always been one to realize how scummy the majority of people are. Optimism isn't really my thing, that's why things like this are pretty hard for me. :/

[counterman]

You'll just have to soldier on. For the first month or so I was very tempted to contact her, and I did. Huge mistake. A few months later, I throw in a text or two. No reply. Now, I don't know how long it's been since I've last spoken to her. I know I haven seen her in a while and don't intend to. During the NC, what I did and still am continuing to do is exercise, eat right, hang out with my friends, box when I get really frustrated, lie on it when I get sad (which is rarely), and I have other commitments. So, keep toughing it out and if you find temptation is really strong, remove yourself from that circumstance and do something. Don't be too mad at yourself, you're already learning from this and will continue to. Best of luck!

[jb89]

You'll just have to soldier on. For the first month or so I was very tempted to contact her, and I did. Huge mistake. A few months later, I throw in a text or two. No reply. Now, I don't know how long it's been since I've last spoken to her. I know I haven seen her in a while and don't intend to. During the NC, what I did and still am continuing to do is exercise, eat right, hang out with my friends, box when I get really frustrated, lie on it when I get sad (which is rarely), and I have other commitments. So, keep toughing it out and if you find temptation is really strong, remove yourself from that circumstance and do something. Don't be too mad at yourself, you're already learning from this and will continue to. Best of luck!

 

I really believe I have learned from the situation. I'm still blown that she is with the guy I had suspected the whole time, and also still very surprised that she thinks there's nothing wrong with a 7 year age gap (she's 16, he's 23), but whatever gets her the attention she craves I guess. I'm out of the picture now, so straight ahead is the only direction for me to go in really. Doing my best to stay active, I got my appetite back, I've been going out with friends, but in the time that I'm not busy I'll begin to daydream and get depressed out of my mind. Really saddening to see someone I cared about so much set herself up to inevitably get screwed up. Someone that much older who has a track-record especially, of getting with lots of girls, is NOT interested in a long term relationship like she's expecting.

[Vicious_Delicious]

I had a hell of a time staying away from the ex's Myspace page.

 

So I had to delete her as a friend.

 

You should probably delete her off of your friends list. Hell, I had to use a website blocker to give myself a little more time to decide if I really wanted to check her site.

 

Also, delete her phone number from your phone, and delete any and all conversation logs.

 

That's what I did, and it helped out a ton.

[amilyah]

All im gonna say is nc sucks!! But now that he has contacted me,it sucks even more.Back to day one crying all the time and wondering when he will call again!!iI was doing so well now i am a mess!!

[whichwayisup]

Read this lifesaver..

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

No Foolin's guide to NC.

[jb89]

I had a hell of a time staying away from the ex's Myspace page.

 

So I had to delete her as a friend.

 

You should probably delete her off of your friends list. Hell, I had to use a website blocker to give myself a little more time to decide if I really wanted to check her site.

 

Also, delete her phone number from your phone, and delete any and all conversation logs.

 

That's what I did, and it helped out a ton.

 

I've been doing good with keeping NC, it's just getting hard not thinking about everything, whenever I'm not occupied. Even if it's just for a few minutes while I'm waiting for a friend, that's all i can think about.

 

Also, the past few nights all of my dreams have been about her, so incredibly vivid that I didn't want to go back to sleep once I woke up. Is there any way to control your dreams? That sure would be nice.

[9Lives]

I've been doing good with keeping NC, it's just getting hard not thinking about everything, whenever I'm not occupied. Even if it's just for a few minutes while I'm waiting for a friend, that's all i can think about.

 

 

Also, the past few nights all of my dreams have been about her, so incredibly vivid that I didn't want to go back to sleep once I woke up. Is there any way to control your dreams? That sure would be nice.

 

That right there is what is holding you back....THINKING....if you wasnt thinking about her, you would be fine. She is not holding you back....you are cause you are thinking too much. Instead, when you start thinking about her....think about yourself instead. The thought is not reality....its the past. What you had....it is over. So change the thought and I bet you will be able to move on quicker. It is just a thought....stinking thought. You dont think about your other ex right? put her in that catagory....kill the thought

[jb89]

That right there is what is holding you back....THINKING....if you wasnt thinking about her, you would be fine. She is not holding you back....you are cause you are thinking too much. Instead, when you start thinking about her....think about yourself instead. The thought is not reality....its the past. What you had....it is over. So change the thought and I bet you will be able to move on quicker. It is just a thought....stinking thought. You dont think about your other ex right? put her in that catagory....kill the thought

 

I understand that. It's not like I want to think about the whole situation, it just sorta has priority in my mind, involuntarily. This was my true first love so it's hard to categorize the situation with my other ex, whom I didn't have such a serious relationship with.

[counterman]

Mate, in regards to your dreams, there is nothing you can do to control them. I had vivid dreams of my ex-girlfriend for a whole month after our break-up. Why? Because I missed her so damn much. I broke NC a few times and it's the worst thing you can do. I actually found it really hard to sleep for that first month. Then, those dreams stopped for a while and came back a couple of months ago for a little while. I still think about her sometimes but there is no deep feeling attached compared to before.

 

What I'm trying to say is, she's going to be in you mind. It's normal. Your mind is going to drift to her when you're not preoccupied with something else. All you can do is stick to No Contact and continue with your everyday life.

[9Lives]

I understand that. It's not like I want to think about the whole situation, it just sorta has priority in my mind, involuntarily. This was my true first love so it's hard to categorize the situation with my other ex, whom I didn't have such a serious relationship with.

 

I know what you mean. I thought about my ex constantly untill someone helped me understand what I was DOING TO MYSELF. when she comes in your head....switch to yourself. Do something positive or fun for yourself. It will start telling your mind something different cause it will be more pleasurabe for the mind. It takes practice but if you want to move on quicker...learn to switch the thought

[jerrytodd]

I dont know if this helps or not but I have had terrible trouble just forgetting her. I have to work with her and it is really tough to not say something about our relationship and break NC.

 

The word I came up with last night lying in bed as a sort of a mantra was "mystery". When I would start to frame what I wanted to say (and not sleep) I would immediately say "mystery" to myself and stop.

 

In an NC situation that is what you are creating - mystery. She gets nothing from me and doesnt like it or doesnt care. I get nothing from her and it doesnt hurt.

 

It is helping me focus on myself and not trying to create conversations that are not useful.

[jb89]

I know what you mean. I thought about my ex constantly untill someone helped me understand what I was DOING TO MYSELF. when she comes in your head....switch to yourself. Do something positive or fun for yourself. It will start telling your mind something different cause it will be more pleasurabe for the mind. It takes practice but if you want to move on quicker...learn to switch the thought

 

Must take lots of practice. Every time I get on the thought of it, it seems near-impossible to get my mind off.

 

I suffer from chronic depression, but I stopped taking the medication for it years ago, simply because I no longer needed it, and stopped believing in having to take a pill every day to stay happy.

 

I'm beginning to think that if I were to go back on it, it might help a bit with this. Input?

[9Lives]

Must take lots of practice. Every time I get on the thought of it, it seems near-impossible to get my mind off.

 

I suffer from chronic depression, but I stopped taking the medication for it years ago, simply because I no longer needed it, and stopped believing in having to take a pill every day to stay happy.

 

I'm beginning to think that if I were to go back on it, it might help a bit with this. Input?

 

omg...it was hard. But what you have to realize is that Thinkin about her is not helping you move on....do you really really understand that you have to let go and move on? That was my problem, I didnt think I needed to really move on but the truth is...you are better off letting go. THEN the pain will will go away. The thinking will go away. You have the power!! You really do...give up!

[pureinheart]

I am not sure if it gets any easier...

 

IMHO it gets harder as you get older, as you realize how scarce real compassionate people are.

 

You are soooo right....at my age (a goodlooking 50 after I loose 20lbs) the guys are like really withdrawn, they have been put through the ringer and want to remain single, and quite frankly I don't blame them.

 

I used to work with mostly guys and I heard some really bad stories, horror stories to be exact.

[jb89]

omg...it was hard. But what you have to realize is that Thinkin about her is not helping you move on....do you really really understand that you have to let go and move on? That was my problem, I didnt think I needed to really move on but the truth is...you are better off letting go. THEN the pain will will go away. The thinking will go away. You have the power!! You really do...give up!

 

I know thinking about her is not helping me move on. The past couple days have gotten extremely hard, and I'm not sure why, really. Just thinking about her being with this new guy is driving me crazy. I've had dreams that revolve around her nearly every night this past week, and it's causing me to wake up and not want to go back to sleep.

 

I never thought I'd have to be dealing with this, and all I want to do is heal.

[NoneoftheAbove]

Don't worry about it, every day that passes by will make it easier for you to forget about her. Trust me, if you fallow the rules of NC you will be back on your feet in no time. I've been in your shoes, don't give up.