hats Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 If it doesn't get any better, I will have to. To me, a healthy sex life is key to a long lasting relationship.. What's difficult is that she is great in most other areas and I love her very much. It's hard for me to weigh sexual importance against other areas without feeling shallow. FWIW, I think most people would agree that it's not shallow at all to refuse to commit to never having satisfying sex ever again.
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I sometimes wonder if people should disclose in the beginning of dating, how much sex they would be satisfied with on a weekly basis. Its one of those things you just can never anticipate. I mentioned in another thread how I have an aunt/uncle who have been married for 40 years, and at times she would complain how she didn't want to have sex with him because she was too tired or just didn't feel like it. But then she always says, it boils down to commitment. And even still, those two still remain madly in love with each other, you can just see it when they interact with one another. True love does exist, even outside of sex. Its something that alot of the older gen. understand.
Sharla Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 True love does exist' date=' even outside of sex. Its something that alot of the older gen. understand.[/quote'] I agree. And maybe it does have to do with the older gen. I like the story of how my aunt/uncle met, he said he fell in love with her the second he laid eyes on her. Once he followed her in his car when she was out on a date and my uncle hid in the bushes spying on them at the drive in movies . He won her over regardless. A few years into their marriage she went to have a mole removed from her face and the doctor accidentally spilled acid on her leaving her face disfigured. Still, you couldn't separate those two from each other.
mem11363 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 commitment Sharla you nailed it. I know my wife is willing to have sex with me when she doesn't really feel like it. And she knows I would do just about anything for her - even if I didn't feel like it. And so she would NEVER EVER pull this sexual starvation stuff I read about here. A guy posted very recently that his wife shoots him down 9 times out of 10. WTF???? If my wife doesn't want to she asks me in a nice way "would it be ok if we connected tomorrow?" And of course I say yes - I would have to be a pig to say nope you need to do it tonight. But she expresses remorse and then the next night she DOES rock my world. If she shot me down more then 3 times in a row - that would reflect total indifference to my happiness and frankly that would cause us to have a very painful conversation. But I also think my wife IS attracted to me and mostly likes sex with me. If she mostly didn't like sex this marriage wouldn't work - either I would be miserably frustrated or she would feel awfully used.... I sometimes wonder if people should disclose in the beginning of dating, how much sex they would be satisfied with on a weekly basis. Its one of those things you just can never anticipate. I mentioned in another thread how I have an aunt/uncle who have been married for 40 years, and at times she would complain how she didn't want to have sex with him because she was too tired or just didn't feel like it. But then she always says, it boils down to commitment. And even still, those two still remain madly in love with each other, you can just see it when they interact with one another.
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 commitment Sharla you nailed it. I know my wife is willing to have sex with me when she doesn't really feel like it. And she knows I would do just about anything for her - even if I didn't feel like it. And so she would NEVER EVER pull this sexual starvation stuff I read about here. A guy posted very recently that his wife shoots him down 9 times out of 10. WTF???? If my wife doesn't want to she asks me in a nice way "would it be ok if we connected tomorrow?" And of course I say yes - I would have to be a pig to say nope you need to do it tonight. But she expresses remorse and then the next night she DOES rock my world. If she shot me down more then 3 times in a row - that would reflect total indifference to my happiness and frankly that would cause us to have a very painful conversation. But I also think my wife IS attracted to me and mostly likes sex with me. If she mostly didn't like sex this marriage wouldn't work - either I would be miserably frustrated or she would feel awfully used.... Yes, you can have both primal sex or make love - and the fact that you love a woman, makes it better and better each time!
bluestraps Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Oh my yes , Why do you think we get on this rollercoaster in the first place, but I digress. I was lucky in this area with my ex which is one reason why its so hard to have lost her. Ill be honest We had passion and it was never boring. I am afraid I will find the next one is just the total opposite of her. Like everything else it would ba good issue to get a hold on at the begining. Usualy you can tell which ones will be interested in this area
bluestraps Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I sometimes wonder if people should disclose in the beginning of dating, how much sex they would be satisfied with on a weekly basis. Its one of those things you just can never anticipate. I mentioned in another thread how I have an aunt/uncle who have been married for 40 years, and at times she would complain how she didn't want to have sex with him because she was too tired or just didn't feel like it. But then she always says, it boils down to commitment. And even still, those two still remain madly in love with each other, you can just see it when they interact with one another. I understand that too, but 40 years down the line you would need 20 circus clowns and a whole 4 helium tanks to get excited for that event.
bluestraps Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I know I posted this in another thread, but I'm going to post it here again and in keeping it clean, if you look at clip 3:07 (how he picks her up) and clip 3:19 (when he takes her hand and puts it back), is very hot. And the kissing is very, very intimate. I think of the guy I mentioned before when I watch that . You both have to stimulate not just one area, but a few. And that takes time to develop, communication, chemistry and a few other tasty ingredients Watched the vid and yea thats the idea.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 why bother..... If you have an LDR, shouldn't everything be good all the time when you are together outside the upset and worry about being apart? Again I read about so many who are in these relationships and getting more and more frustrated about them. How does a woman have 2-3 Orgasms and not enjoy them? Really I am so not understanding it. She has told you she does not like it, avoids it, though you see each other so seldom and you are planning a life together? Wait until she has to spend everyday with you in the same bed and the stress this will cause. Now I will ask whether she has had any trauma (molestation, innapropriate sexual conduct) in her past that has affected her view of sex? Be thankful this is an issue prior to marriage or living together. This coming from someone in his mid/late 40's.....
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I thinks sexual compatability is very important. Quite often there are problems because people don't communicate. Some issues can be fixed. However, it appears you have talked to her and she just isn't interested in sex. It looks like she does it out of a feeling of obligation. I don't think this is something you can fix and you both will grow to resent eachother. I think you have to end this relationship. sorry.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 You're not being shallow for having these concerns, Jeff. It's obvious you care deeply for your gf. You are being very smart to give this consideration now rather than after marriage. Relationships and marriage are tough. You need the smoothest start possible to increase the likelihood of success. This problem is a major indicator of marriage failure. There is a saying that I can't remember but the jist is "if the marriage isn't working right in the bedroom its just a matter of time before it's not working anywhere." In a marriage, sex is not just a physical activity rather it is a continual renewal of the bond/commitment/attraction the two share. Without it, IMO, we become susceptible to other women/men filling that void.
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Wow. If I only saw my boyfriend once every three weeks, we'd pretty much never leave the bedroom when we were together. You say it's hard to notice incompatibility because of the long distance, but I think this makes it more obvious. That distance and time between meetings should create longing, passion, lust, etc. Like I said, if I only got to see my sig. other every few weeks, the sex would be extremely passionate...almost desperate....and most certainly plentiful. So if it's like this now...imagine what it would be like after you move in together and she sees you every day and gets sick of you. She's already having issues mustering up the juices (pun intended) to do it every few weeks....and she hardly even sees you! Oh and the whole thing about her watching TV while you go down on her...seriously ridiculous. I would never ever ever consider that okay.
soulm8 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 You're not being shallow for having these concerns, Jeff. It's obvious you care deeply for your gf. You are being very smart to give this consideration now rather than after marriage. Relationships and marriage are tough. You need the smoothest start possible to increase the likelihood of success. This problem is a major indicator of marriage failure. There is a saying that I can't remember but the jist is "if the marriage isn't working right in the bedroom its just a matter of time before it's not working anywhere." In a marriage, sex is not just a physical activity rather it is a continual renewal of the bond/commitment/attraction the two share. Without it, IMO, we become susceptible to other women/men filling that void. Absolutely silky! OP, you will wind up divorced. Please do yourself a favor and browse the many threads of spouses who are dealing with a sex starved marriage.
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