Teenhusband Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Hello, I am in a married. I love her, but the talking, picking, touching, sex...all of it is gone, all I do is Work, come home, play with the kid, sleep, and re-cap. When I am off, she doesnt even care that I am there. Her grandmother just past away. Everyone else's husband was there for there wife, I wasnt invited to be there, I had to go home and take care of the kid. There is some History between her side of the family and me. They hate my guts, I got her prego @ 15. I was 16, we got married when I was 17, and have been married since. I was always there for her, through thick and thin. I gave so much, and have asked for so little. I want this marriage to work. BUT, I do not know how much more I can take. I am tired of the "No Love", and her families drama. Is there any advice you guys can give me, cuz I am out of ideas. I have done almost everything to make her see I love her. I sent her Roses, Dinners, etc. I have even told her how I feel, She says, "We will make it work." but it fails to improve. Is it me? Did I do something? I am just crushed and broken.
Author Teenhusband Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Please...a little advice...If getting a divorse is a good idea, I would rather do it, now, while my son is small. Than later....Please...even if it is to tell me I am stupid..
Angel1111 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 It may be possible that she only married you because she was pregnant. Now that the baby has been born, she may not want to be married anymore. If she refuses to change things and doesn't really want to talk about the problems, then she's pretty much leaving you on your own to work it out. You can suggest counseling but if you can't afford to do that, or if she doesn't want to go, then you'll need to decide if you want to remain in a marriage where you're pushed aside and treated with such indifference. This is no way to live. And, yes, you're right that it's better to divorce when kids are young. I wouldn't let this go on for a long time and waste too many years on a situation that isn't going to get better. I'm sorry things aren't working out but the bad thing here is that the two of you got married and tied down to kids way too soon. There's a lot of life to live and experience before going down this road. But now that you have, you're faced with dealing with it. I hope you're able to make peace with it all, whatever you decide.
madrugada Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Okay, first of all, how old are you two now? Second, are you in school? If not, I'd recommend looking into it. It can make a world of difference. It's not easy for me to give advice on your situation, not having had the same experiences when I was your age. As far as divorce goes, is that something you're seriously considering? Have you talked about the possibility with your wife? I think what it boils down to is, what do you want out of life? It doesn't seem like your wife is invested in your life together, so what would you do differently if you were apart? If she's saying you two can make it work, there's hope, I think. But she has to start showing you she wants to. But to go back, I assume you are not in college and are working to support a very young family. Before all this happened, what did you see yourself doing with your life? What are your interests? What did you always want to be growing up? (Cliche, I know.) Look into school. There's all kinds of aid for people wanting to better their lives and it could make a difference here. From what you've posted here, it doesn't sound like it's too late.
Author Teenhusband Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Okay, first of all, how old are you two now? Second, are you in school? If not, I'd recommend looking into it. It can make a world of difference. It's not easy for me to give advice on your situation, not having had the same experiences when I was your age. As far as divorce goes, is that something you're seriously considering? Have you talked about the possibility with your wife? I think what it boils down to is, what do you want out of life? It doesn't seem like your wife is invested in your life together, so what would you do differently if you were apart? If she's saying you two can make it work, there's hope, I think. But she has to start showing you she wants to. But to go back, I assume you are not in college and are working to support a very young family. Before all this happened, what did you see yourself doing with your life? What are your interests? What did you always want to be growing up? (Cliche, I know.) Look into school. There's all kinds of aid for people wanting to better their lives and it could make a difference here. From what you've posted here, it doesn't sound like it's too late. Well, to your comment, I am in school, in fact I have my High school diploma. I am also in an university. I came here to get some advice, not to be put down. If you don't have any advice, then dont give any. we loved one another. Life is great, but it is her family that is causing this. Her father signed for her to marry me. Now he says it was the worst. I give this girl everything she wants. IF she wants the Moon, I will work more more more, and get it for her. She says she loves me. We are fine if it is just me and her. AS soon as her family comes into the picture, it changes. It is almost as if she wants to make them happy. For example, we went to the Mountains about a month ago. We stay for 15 days, We were so happy. We come back, her dad starts his stuff again. I have been patient and respectful to her side. From what she tells me, everything is fine. But come on, when they call, she is out the door to them. I dont have a problem with her spending time with them. BUT she has other responsiblity. We get along, and that is the problem, We DO NOT talk. I take care of the bills, I do everything, Her job is simple, Take care of my son, while I am working. I am thinking, this is no way a relationship should be, If I am wrong, then tell me I am wrong. Yes, we got married young, but I stood up, and took care of my doing. I just want to know what can I do to fix this, Do I need to tell her family to stay out of our business, and be a little more controlling? I mean, I think to be honest I should, I should really just kick his butt and be done with it. Bottom line, If they were not in the picture, we would be fine, My family come by, says hello, we do things everyonce in awhile. But they dont demand me do something.
Angel1111 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) Bottom line, If they were not in the picture, we would be fine... Not true. The truth is, your wife chooses to put her family before you, and that's why you're having problems. Her family could try to butt in all they want but if she didn't allow it, it wouldn't happen. So, your problem isn't really her family. It's her. I don't think you need to be more controlling - although I think I understand what you mean. I would call it being more assertive. Let her know that being dismissive toward you and letting her family control her isn't going to work. She needs to know that you aren't going to tolerate it and if it means moving out to show that to her, it might wake her up. If a person is ever so attached to a relationship that they refuse to leave no matter what, their spouse will know that and won't appreciate them. If you stand up for yourself - without getting angry - then she'll get the message, and her level of respect for you will increase. Then it will depend on how important this marriage is to her. She may be somewhat disillusioned by all the responsibility tied to having a husband and child. It's a lot to take in, but it sounds like you're treating her well so she doesn't have a lot to complain about. It's just as much her fault and it is yours that she got pregnant. The thing is, it's not about blame. The two of you are in this together, but she seems to be accepting what her family is saying about you and doesn't think she has any accountability here. Edited February 16, 2010 by Angel1111
jenifer1972 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Your wife constantly putting you second to her family is sabotaging the marriage. Unless she stops that and sets some healthy boundaries with her family, the toxicity from them will always bleed into your marriage relationship.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Your wife constantly putting you second to her family is sabotaging the marriage. Unless she stops that and sets some healthy boundaries with her family, the toxicity from them will always bleed into your marriage relationship. I agree, now that you guys are married you are supposed to be a team and protect each other from others, whether internally or externally! If the family is interfering bring it to her attention plain and simple you wont put up with the crap anymore either your gonna be her husband or not at all.. All in or nothing at all. simple as that. Sorry for me to say this but it doesnt sound to me like she even believes it's a problem and expects you to suffer for it. Continue with your studies and then re-evaluate your relationship. Let her know in your actions you mean business!
Author Teenhusband Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 thank all of you, I know what i am goin to do...I ll keep in touch
Angel1111 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Good luck. Please stay in touch if you need to talk.
mimidarlin Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 This isn't intended to be interfering or a put down but both of you married very young. You didn't have the chance to mature and gain independence. Both of you went from being teenagers to having a plate load of responsibility. Every story has two sides and you're telling yours. What is her side of the story? Maybe you should go to counseling as a couple. This could be through your church or whatever options you might have. Both of you need to function as a united front. Maybe she doesn't feel emotionally supported by you. I'm not saying you aren't making the effort but her perception is key. By the way, I don't believe Madrugada was trying to put you down. It's hard to support a family when you don't have training or a degree. University is only one path to reaching financial stability. Training/Degree = higher earning potential over your lifespan.
Gunny376 Posted February 19, 2010 Posted February 19, 2010 I'm literally about to fly out the door. Will be here at 11PM central. I've got some news you can use.
Gunny376 Posted February 20, 2010 Posted February 20, 2010 The rate of divorce for men that marry under the age of 25? 90% The divorce rate for men that marry because they got someone pregno? 90% There's a lot of reasons for this. First is the human brain is not fully grown and developed until about the age of 18 or 19 Next is that girls/women are about 10 years more emotionally more mature than men their same age. In own particular case your the emotional equivalent of a seven year old while at sixteen she's the emotional equivalent of a 26 year old man. Most men at your age simply do not have the social skills, communication skills, maturity to pull marriage off. And they won't until about age thirty. The very stress of what your trying to do ~ work, support a wife and child, go to school alone will tear you apart. Add in the family resentment? The trail to the top of the mountain just got a whole lot stepper, harder, and slipper! And did I mention that the forecast is for snow? And OBW? That mountain your trying to climb is a sleeping volcano? Your chances of being married forty years from now? 10 in 100.
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