Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 I am very attractive but I don't want to bother with desperate guys. They are probably buttugly if they would travel that far.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 If you are very attractive, then average or even some above average guys will have no problem traveling that far. The only thing holding you back is your negativity and that can be changed in an instant. A very attractive woman hiding in her house and not getting out there will never be found. You may need to take a few days off to deal with the emotions, but then you have to get out there. There's many great guys out there and most would love an attractive girlfriend. But the one guy I want doesn't want me. I keep praying to God that the one I like comes to his senses. He's the one I want, but for now (and maybe forever) he doesn't want me.
Sharla Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 OP try not to push yourself just yet....you need to give time to yourself. I went into shut down mode after the last guy (who confused the ever living sh*t out of me in the end). I put myself back out there a few months later but even then I realized how not ready I was, at all. My pride thought I was, but clearly I wasn't. So, just hang in there for now.
mortensorchid Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'm sorry to hear this. We have to chuck it all up to experience and move on. It just wasn't meant to be.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 The thing is, he does like me, he just said it was too painful to ever be in a relationship again. He said he was falling for me, but had to stop it before it became full blown.
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 But the one guy I want doesn't want me. I keep praying to God that the one I like comes to his senses. He's the one I want, but for now (and maybe forever) he doesn't want me. Take the bull by the horns. Extend the olive branch - slowly, gradually. Communicate with him. Then tempt him with a home cooked meal Once he comes over, molest him...lol. We like that!
The Paper Knight Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 The thing is, he does like me, he just said it was too painful to ever be in a relationship again. He said he was falling for me, but had to stop it before it became full blown. hmmm, that does sound strange... Did you pursue him? or did he pursue you? and how long ago was his last break-up? If you pursued him, then he probably feels vulnerable and isn't ready yet. Get him to post on LS
The Paper Knight Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Communicate with him. Then tempt him with a home cooked meal Once he comes over, molest him...lol. We like that! I must agree with that!
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 I admit I probably got a little too aggressive. I mentioned sex and I started kissing him. We pursued each other though. His last relationship ended in 2006. His last relationship was a weird situation where he moved to NY without meeting her, then moved in, got briefly engaged, and broke up, all within 6 months. Apparently she was a gold digger and he found this out. He then moved back home and told his mother he'd never marry.
The Paper Knight Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I admit I probably got a little too aggressive. I mentioned sex and I started kissing him. Hot! His last relationship ended in 2006. His last relationship was a weird situation where he moved to NY without meeting her, then moved in, got briefly engaged, and broke up, all within 6 months. Apparently she was a gold digger and he found this out. Like 3-4 years ago! He should be over this by now and ready to try again. He then moved back home and told his mother he'd never marry. Maybe he is a bit of a mummies boy and needs a more nurturing type. You sound pretty persistent, I wouldn't give up yet... but how well do you really know him? He many be really sensitive and is **** scared of getting hurt. This might sound crazy, but see if he wants to stay friends and get to know each other better - I'll probably get sh*t for this, but sometimes you need to go against the flow. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 We were friends many years, then we lost touch. Ironically, the one reaosn we lost contact was because at the time he wanted to get serious and I didn't. He still wants to be friends and hang out, not just do boyfriend/girlfriend things (by this he means kissing).
The Paper Knight Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 We were friends many years, then we lost touch. Ironically, the one reaosn we lost contact was because at the time he wanted to get serious and I didn't. Uh ha! Timing can be a real bitch! That makes more sense, you probably hurt him back then and you didnt even realize at the time and now he wears a suit of armor. He still wants to be friends and hang out, not just do boyfriend/girlfriend things (by this he means kissing). If he is making an effort to be friends, then I would think he is just treading cautiously or just wants a close female friend. Whatever he wants, If you think you can hang in there with out hurting yourself then why not. I think most male/female friendships have a small amount of sexual tension - its only natural and yet they can still be intimate and fulfilling.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 We'll still be friends. Like I said, we were friends for years and reconnected. If that's all it can be, then I can accept it. Yes, I did hurt him at the time and didn't know it until he told me. Besides, it's an early situation, meaning we only started talking again the week before Christmas. I even called my brother and sister in law because they had a situation like this where they were friends, then dating, then friends again, then dating, engaged, married, and now parents. My sister in law said that he could still come around. I then asked my dad and he said almost every guy he knows pulled the exact thing of "let's be friends only".
Chicago_Guy Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 They aren't telling me to wait around for him, just that he might come to his senses. He's very wishy washy and changes his mind. They told me they will ask around to see if anyone they know is single. The problem is I live in an area where the majority are married. I live 40 miles from a large city (Chicago) but where I am now are all married people. I don't know anyone my age who's single. There's no singles groups either around me. When I met a single guy around my age he either has children or no job. You would probably have an easier time if you lived in the city instead of in the suburbs. I know guys who live in Chicago and don't want to date someone who lives in the suburbs because it is a hassle to drive out there.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 But the one guy I want doesn't want me. I keep praying to God that the one I like comes to his senses. He's the one I want, but for now (and maybe forever) he doesn't want me. Your conception of God has Him appearing very much like Santa Claus. I wasn't really brought up religiously, but even I know that God is not there to do our bidding. Maybe God has a better man in store for you then this one, and all you're doing by allowing yourself to stay stuck on a man who doesn't want a relationship is thwart God's plans for you. Not to mention that if you decide to continue fixating on this man, then you cannot blame God for the way your love life is going. You're the one who is making a poor choice here. No one is forcing you to make that choice. You could choose that you deserve to be treated better, that you want to be in a loving relationship, that you don't want to put yourself through the wringer and you could choose to move on. God only helps those who help themselves. As to your dad and your brother, all I see is a case of "the apple(s) do not fall far from the tree". For some reason your brother and you have both internalized the lesson that men are commitmentphobes by nature and that your role as a woman is therefore to hang on and try to convince a man to choose you as a partner. I don't think that's the healthiest approach to dating and it, more then anything, might explain why you struggle so much to find a partner. Have you read 'He's just not that into you?' or 'Why Men love bitches'? I don't usually advocate for those books but I think they drive a point that bears repeating. Men are capable of commitment. A man who is into you will never make you doubt that he's into you. He will let you know he's into you and he will chase you. It even sounds like you need to be with a man capable of commitment, if only to prove to yourself that you are worthy of love, no ifs, buts and maybe laters.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 You would probably have an easier time if you lived in the city instead of in the suburbs. I know guys who live in Chicago and don't want to date someone who lives in the suburbs because it is a hassle to drive out there. I can't afford to move to the city. Besides, most of the guys I know who live in the city are younger than me.
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'm a dude and I've been in committed relationships.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Your conception of God has Him appearing very much like Santa Claus. I wasn't really brought up religiously, but even I know that God is not there to do our bidding. Maybe God has a better man in store for you then this one, and all you're doing by allowing yourself to stay stuck on a man who doesn't want a relationship is thwart God's plans for you. Not to mention that if you decide to continue fixating on this man, then you cannot blame God for the way your love life is going. You're the one who is making a poor choice here. No one is forcing you to make that choice. You could choose that you deserve to be treated better, that you want to be in a loving relationship, that you don't want to put yourself through the wringer and you could choose to move on. God only helps those who help themselves. As to your dad and your brother, all I see is a case of "the apple(s) do not fall far from the tree". For some reason your brother and you have both internalized the lesson that men are commitmentphobes by nature and that your role as a woman is therefore to hang on and try to convince a man to choose you as a partner. I don't think that's the healthiest approach to dating and it, more then anything, might explain why you struggle so much to find a partner. Have you read 'He's just not that into you?' or 'Why Men love bitches'? I don't usually advocate for those books but I think they drive a point that bears repeating. Men are capable of commitment. A man who is into you will never make you doubt that he's into you. He will let you know he's into you and he will chase you. It even sounds like you need to be with a man capable of commitment, if only to prove to yourself that you are worthy of love, no ifs, buts and maybe laters. I'm pretty sure I'd believe my brother and father over someone online. Many men are commitmentphobes and change. Those who push for commit right away are usually those guys out to hurt people.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I hope you didn't take what I said as an affront Greatgirlfriend. I really think I can help. I have been in your shoes. I have been the one finding all the excuses in the book to stay fixated on a man who would flat out tell me he couldn't feel it for me. Twice. (I've been with two men who claimed to be commitmentphobes). At one point I came to the realization that my love life was a series of disasters not because of men, or because of destiny but because of me. I did the same thing 4givingto4get did: if guys were wishy washy, I walked away. If they told me they didn't want a relationshsip, I walked away. You wouldn't believe just how much my love life has improved since. Standing up for yourself is the most empowering move you can make. But you have to make that decision. You have to decide that you love yourself enough not to settle for confused, mixed up guys who will make you feel like you are not worthy of love (or like there is a problem with you or like God must be punishing you). Please put your guards down and listen to my advice. I really mean well.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) I hope you didn't take what I said as an affront Greatgirlfriend. I really think I can help. I have been in your shoes. I have been the one finding all the excuses in the book to stay fixated on a man who would flat out tell me he couldn't feel it for me. Twice. (I've been with two men who claimed to be commitmentphobes). At one point I came to the realization that my love life was a series of disasters not because of men, or because of destiny but because of me. I did the same thing 4givingto4get did: if guys were wishy washy, I walked away. If they told me they didn't want a relationshsip, I walked away. You wouldn't believe just how much my love life has improved since. Standing up for yourself is the most empowering move you can make. But you have to make that decision. You have to decide that you love yourself enough not to settle for confused, mixed up guys who will make you feel like you are not worthy of love (or like there is a problem with you or like God must be punishing you). Please put your guards down and listen to my advice. I really mean well. I know you mean well, it's just I hope they are right. Even my mother said he could change but don't hold my breath. If I felt he didn't like me, I'd let it slide, because it wasn't meant to be. It's just that it's a bizarre situation where he liked me years ago, still attracted to me (told me so) talked about our future (mentioned how we'd both have to learn how to cook if we live together), then this. He mentioned he'll still come over to visit, but as friends (we were friends for years). He's been in committed relationships before as well. Edited February 16, 2010 by greatgirlfriend
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