greatgirlfriend Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I just got off the phone with the guy I like. I am completely heartbroken(again). He told me he only wants to be friends with me. While he does have feelings, he doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship with anyone. It's not because of sex (he has no interest in that), he doesn't want to have a girlfriend.
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Good riddance. I think we've all had a token guy like this. You deserve someone who is excited about seeing you, not jaded by women and/or too busy for you. Don't take it personally - this stuff just happens sometimes.
Sharla Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Maybe he wants to be FWB? Something to consider if that's something you both can handle.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Good riddance. I think we've all had a token guy like this. You deserve someone who is excited about seeing you, not jaded by women and/or too busy for you. Don't take it personally - this stuff just happens sometimes. + 1 Greatgirlfriend, this guy was bringing you down! I wish Touche, a former member, was still around. She used to joke (or maybe she was serious) about a 'Goddess program'. It sounds, from this thread and others, like you would really benefit from the 'Goddess program'. What I got from 'the program' is that we teach others how to treat us. So, please, in the future, don't let a guy put you in limbo land. It is clear from what you write here that you are looking for a partner, for a serious relationship. So let that be your guide. You want a relationship. Don't ever settle for less.
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I just got off the phone with the guy I like. I am completely heartbroken(again). He told me he only wants to be friends with me. While he does have feelings, he doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship with anyone. It's not because of sex (he has no interest in that), he doesn't want to have a girlfriend. Sucks. Girlfriends are great.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Maybe he wants to be FWB? Something to consider if that's something you both can handle. He doesn't want that at all. No, I couldn't handle that either.
littlewhiterose Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'm sorry to hear that but it sounds like he just opened the door to someone better for you.
paleblue Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 sorry to hear you got the run around. i think it happens to all of us at some point. i just got done dealing with it myself. last week i ended it with someone who gave me the run around for 6 months. awesome username's post is some good advice for this situation. read it and re-read it again : ) Good riddance. I think we've all had a token guy like this. You deserve someone who is excited about seeing you, not jaded by women and/or too busy for you. Don't take it personally - this stuff just happens sometimes.
sid3 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 That's too bad. Just realize that when you meet the guy that treats you the way you deserve to be treated,you'll look back and see this guy did you a favor.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Thanks everyone. I have just spoke to several family members and they said he could be scared now and to give him his space. They said maybe he'll come to his senses or maybe he won't, but if not he wasn't worth it.
meerkat stew Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Sorry you are going through this. Disagree with family members, once they say what he said move on to other options, not just give space and time. The surest way to wake someone up is to move on entirely. Ironically, once they are ready, you have found someone who gives you the affection and attention you deserve without being wishy-washy.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Please greatgirlfriend, stop putting yourself through this. You deserve to be with someone who knows he wants to be with you. This guy has told you he knows he will never get over whatever hang up he has. He's told you he knows he will never fall in love with you. I don't know why your family would encourage you to hang on to a man like that. There are men out there who would be into you 100% from day one. Why settle for less? Don't you think being with someone who tells you he can never imagine himself falling for you or anyone is damaging to your self-esteem? edit: I just reread your last post and see that your family is encouraging you to move on. I feel relieved about this. Move on. If he comes to his senses in time, good for him. You can't hang on forever.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 They aren't encouraging me to hang on to him, just that my dad said the same to my mom and my brother to his wife.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 edit: I just reread your last post and see that your family is encouraging you to move on. I feel relieved about this. Move on. If he comes to his senses in time, good for him. You can't hang on forever. They aren't telling me to wait around for him, just that he might come to his senses. He's very wishy washy and changes his mind. They told me they will ask around to see if anyone they know is single. The problem is I live in an area where the majority are married. I live 40 miles from a large city (Chicago) but where I am now are all married people. I don't know anyone my age who's single. There's no singles groups either around me. When I met a single guy around my age he either has children or no job.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Greatgirlfriend, I have asked you this question in some other of your threads and I don't think you ever answered it directly. Don't you think being with/pining for someone who tells you he can never imagine himself falling for you or anyone is damaging to your self-esteem?
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Greatgirlfriend, I have asked you this question in some other of your threads and I don't think you ever answered it directly. Don't you think being with/pining for someone who tells you he can never imagine himself falling for you or anyone is damaging to your self-esteem? I'm used to it so it doesn't bother me. Probably why I gave up dating a long time ago.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Listen, for the last few months you had everything invested in this guy. It's not like you were actively looking for someone new right? I always think there are no good guys around until lo and behold, one shows up. The thing about great guys is that we don't notice them when we're stuck on wishy washy guys. If you don't believe me, ask Shadowplay. She was stuck on someone and maintained that there were no great guys around. They finally broke up and a few months later she was seeing someone new. So don't worry about whether or not there are good guys around for now. There are some.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'm used to it so it doesn't bother me. Probably why I gave up dating a long time ago. What do you mean you're used to it? You mean that hanging on to wishy washy guys is a pattern for you?
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 No, I'm used to being hurt. That's why I quit looking a long time ago. Then I found him again after looking for him for years (because we were friends).
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 But the thing is he was one of those "nice guys" who used to wonder why no one wanted him. No, there aren't great guys around me and I can't afford to move.
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 All right. You're allowed an evening of self pity and self-defeatism. But do realize that that's all it is.
4givrnt4gtr Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Oh i used to do this too...a lot...the whole hanging onto a guy that obviously didnt want me and would either tell me straight out or show me in their behavior. Slowly but surely I realized that it isnt about them....its all about me, as selfish as it sounds. I deserve a man who loves me as much as I am capable of loving them. Just for the fact that when I am in a relationship, I treat my men right and I deserve to be treated just as well. Now, that doesnt mean I dont keep encountering these half assed, wishy washy men....as a matter of fact, I just posted about one, that truth be told Ive been wishy washy as well. But the point is that now as soon as I see the "uhhhhh im not sure" or the "uhhh i just dont feel like that...(usually followed by "yet" or some other "stick around for more half ass attempts) I run the other way. I see it as me making up their mind for them......and thats just fine, because my man will be able to make up his own mind to my favor...so might as well cut these losers out fast. I know that when you meet a guy that seems awesome is hard to let go despite his lack of interest. But thats where faith and hope comes in. you gotta somehow blindly trust that life will bring someone even better for you into your life, that will have so much interest in you that you wont ever question whether he cares or not. The way I see it, if Im right and life does bring me that amazing man Im hoping for, then yey. If not, then at least I didnt waste months or years of my life in daily heartbreak with someone who has one foot out the door all the time. DOnt give up, and dont hang on to men who just dont feel it for you. that way you'll have the space for the one who does
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 If you can't find one in your immediate area, there's thousands of single guys around your age in the Chicago area. Yes, if I want to travel two hours away. I want within a half hour and no singles groups out here.
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