so gutted Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 We met on saturday after a week of a lot of calling and texting. We had dinner etc and we talked for hours. We spent the night talkingand cuddling up and i left the next day. We exchanged texts for a while later on. He then told me about his mate passing away and how it made him feel funny and angry. I have checked his facebook (I am not on it but it is open) and he hasnt been on there for 3 days. He left a few messages on there about how hard it is to lose someone. I also looked back and about 6 months ago he also lost his mum. He has not spoken to me since saturday evening. I am really hurt that he has let me down like this. I think he only told me about his mate dying because he wanted to use it as an excuse to dump me nicely. I am hurting so bad. Its depressing that on valentines day he did not return my happy valentines day text. Do I assume he is grieving or plain uninterested?
Vertex Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Dude. He's grieving. Let him do his thing. It's hard to lose someone close. It's not an "excuse." It's just plain matter of fact. I would heavily advise to try to empathize with him a bit and not add stress to the situation by bringing up an (in my opinion) selfish complaint when he's going through a very rough time.
bayouboi Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 You should really rethink your approach to this. Your reaction seems very selfish.
Author so gutted Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Really? So should i contact him after he blanked my valentines day text? do i offer support - or will this look desperate? im puzzled - if he is not interested in me ...surely if someone close dies you value those that are still around more?
Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Did you send him your condolences? Did you take a moment to think about him and how hard this must be for him?
Author so gutted Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I did when he told me - but after that he has gone very silient. Should I ask how he is? how do i approach it without looking desperate?
bayouboi Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Really? So should i contact him after he blanked my valentines day text? do i offer support - or will this look desperate? im puzzled - if he is not interested in me ...surely if someone close dies you value those that are still around more? I don't think you should contact him because to me you'd still be a relative stranger having only met and hung out once. The guy needs to grieve and maybe he will contact you once he's feeling better, but neither should you have to wait on him.
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 He's in a lot of pain right now. Sucks that things happened like this, but I wouldn't look into his motives or take it personally. This is kind of a freak thing that happened.
blueberries Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 you've just very recently met each other...i don't think he's obligated to contact you on valentine's day. not only that but he's grieving over the loss of someone. the best thing for you to do is send him your condolences,...if he replies, then you'll know.
Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I can't figure out how you keep getting yourself in these scenarios. You always post a variation on the same thread: Guy gives you a legitimate reason for not calling, you ask us if the reason is legitimate and then the thread turns into you fixating on what to do next. I agree with bayouboi. Sit this one out. He'll contact you when he's ready. Take a deep breath and let it go.
Author so gutted Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 If I do not contact him during this difficult time (after he specifically told me about it) doesnt this reflect badly on me?
anne1707 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Thought this sounded familiar http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t200698/
Author so gutted Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I can't figure out how you keep getting yourself in these scenarios. You always post a variation on the same thread: Guy gives you a legitimate reason for not calling, you ask us if the reason is legitimate and then the thread turns into you fixating on what to do next. I agree with bayouboi. Sit this one out. He'll contact you when he's ready. Take a deep breath and let it go. I get into these scenarios because I am looking for a soulmate - I am not sitting around waiting for him to knock on my door, I am dating. It seems unfortunate that I walk into these situations but I do. Now genuinely I do not know what to do, I feel like I should offer something but it all sounds fake, then again I feel let down and used because he was talking about future things to do together etc like he was going to see me again. His mate died before we met.
Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 If I do not contact him during this difficult time (after he specifically told me about it) doesnt this reflect badly on me? How about this: Do what feels right to you.
Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 We are all looking for soulmates. Or at least most of us are. You have to stay balanced while you're on your quest. Make it something where you learn about yourself. Where you open yourself to love, make yourself vulnerable, remain open to the possibility that not every man you meet is right for you (or that you are not right for every man you meet).
Author so gutted Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 yes - i just want to show i care but i am not sure if i should so that again after my valentines day text (which may have been inappropriate considering he is grieving)...
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