greatgirlfriend Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 What would you make of this? The guy I am seeing said this to me. Told me to keep my dating options open but he's not interested in dating others. It's an early relationship but kind of strange.
Sharla Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It sounds like he wants to be exclusive. But I don't know why he would tell you to keep your dating options "open". It's kind of a mixed message.
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 He's either afraid you'll cheat on him (likely a past with a cheating GF) or he thinks that you're too good for him, so this is the best compromise he can give. The best recipe to solve this is punching him in the arm and calling him an idiot.
hats Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It sounds like he's trying to tell you that he's ready for an exclusive relationship, but doesn't want you to feel like he's pressuring you into an exclusive relationship.
tigressA Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It's likely that he's afraid to bring up the exclusivity talk up-front, but: it could mean he's just not that into you. I had a guy say that to me once, and it turned out that he had been hoping I'd find someone else and dump him so he wouldn't have to be the one to do it. Major-league coward. You need to talk to him to find out what's going through his mind. Ask him if he wants to be exclusive with you.
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It's likely that he's afraid to bring up the exclusivity talk up-front, but: it could mean he's just not that into you. I had a guy say that to me once, and it turned out that he had been hoping I'd find someone else and dump him so he wouldn't have to be the one to do it. Major-league coward. You need to talk to him to find out what's going through his mind. Ask him if he wants to be exclusive with you. Ooh Tigress, I didn't think of that possibility! Yeah, maybe you should talk with him. It could be one way or the other.
OnlyJake Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It sounds like he's trying to tell you that he's ready for an exclusive relationship, but doesn't want you to feel like he's pressuring you into an exclusive relationship. Yup.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Combined with your other posts about this guy, I don't think he means he wants to be exclusive. He hasn't been very receptive to getting into a relationship. I think he is letting you know he has no intention of giving any more effort than he has to date and if you want to move on, so be it. You really deserve much better.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Combined with your other posts about this guy, I don't think he means he wants to be exclusive. He hasn't been very receptive to getting into a relationship. I think he is letting you know he has no intention of giving any more effort than he has to date and if you want to move on, so be it. You really deserve much better. After my call with him just now, I think you are right. He just told me he has no intentions of falling for me or anyone else.
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 After my call with him just now, I think you are right. He just told me he has no intentions of falling for me or anyone else. For you or anyone else? This guy has a few skeletons in the closet. Good thing you found out now instead of later, girl!
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 For you or anyone else? This guy has a few skeletons in the closet. Good thing you found out now instead of later, girl! Not really. I wanted him so bad. I am in tears.
alphamale Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 What would you make of this? The guy I am seeing said this to me. Told me to keep my dating options open but he's not interested in dating others. It's an early relationship but kind of strange. i dont' know, thats weird
Lindarose84 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Not really. I wanted him so bad. I am in tears. I'd think this guy just did you a huge favor to be honest. I read your other post about wanting to give up dating if things didn't work out with this guy. I think you put way too much pressure on yourself to force this situation to work when he's clearly been giving you signs that it won't. Take this as just another lesson learned and move on....now. With where you are in your life, you deserve the committed and loving relationship if that's what you want. And you clearly want that. Better to know his intentions early on than further down the line. I wish more men were as up front with their intentions. A lot of pricks would've been selfish and strung you along. This guy just did you the biggest favor of your life. Take it and find another guy to be a great girlfriend to.
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I'd think this guy just did you a huge favor to be honest. I read your other post about wanting to give up dating if things didn't work out with this guy. I think you put way too much pressure on yourself to force this situation to work when he's clearly been giving you signs that it won't. Take this as just another lesson learned and move on....now. With where you are in your life, you deserve the committed and loving relationship if that's what you want. And you clearly want that. Better to know his intentions early on than further down the line. I wish more men were as up front with their intentions. A lot of pricks would've been selfish and strung you along. This guy just did you the biggest favor of your life. Take it and find another guy to be a great girlfriend to. I thought he was "the one". I even had dreams (which I never do) of getting married. I have a very hard time finding single never married guys with no kids who accept my disabilities (I have arthritis and psoriasis). I am 39 and those kinds of guys aren't out there for me. If I am still not with someone at 40 (next year) I am killing myself. I'd rather be dead than single.
paddington bear Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Ach don't kill yourself over a stupid man who doesn't know what he wants. If he doesn't want you 'and anyone else' he's just in a place where he's 'confused'. I know it's easy to say, when you really like someone, but you are better off without. And don't put a time limit on these things 'I will be married by the age of 41' or whatever, you just put yourself under unnecessary stress and will make yourself feel like more of a failure by failing to hit targets that you yourself have decided upon. No one is putting a gun to your head saying you must be in a relationship by 40, you are doing that to yourself. Not to make you feel any worse, but reading between the lines it sounds like you are getting pretty desperate due to time running out, and on top of that you are putting yourself down regarding your arthritis and psoriasis. Change your attitude to 'I'm just going to go out there and have fun and not worry about whether a relationship develops into 'something' or not', remember this is not about snagging a man, it's about meeting someone compatible with you, and that means him sharing the same feelings for you, as you have for him. Relaxing a bit and taking the time limit off will take the pressure off you and the next guy, (and prevents men running for the hills). They sense the desperation and get uneasy, I'm sure of it. And you can't make your disabilities as you call them an excuse to feel like you are worthless. Men might not be aware of them, but if you are feeling unworthy and unattractive and not a good catch because of it, you basically radiate those vibes out, others pick up on them and your own feelings about yourself are confirmed. If you genuinely are feeling suicidal over your situation, get yourself to a therapist asap.
Lindarose84 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I thought he was "the one". I even had dreams (which I never do) of getting married. I have a very hard time finding single never married guys with no kids who accept my disabilities (I have arthritis and psoriasis). I am 39 and those kinds of guys aren't out there for me. If I am still not with someone at 40 (next year) I am killing myself. I'd rather be dead than single. I think in your mind you made him "the one" because you wanted so badly for him to be "the one" without any regard as to what sorts of vibes he's was sending your way in terms of long term viability. I won't sit here and say "keep trying, your guy is out there!" because I believe that's the worst advice people can give to someone whose expectations are constantly not being met. In all truth (a sad one at that for some), but there may not be someone out there for all of us. It's when we constantly tell/lie to ourselves that if we keep trying the right one will pop up that we lead ourselves to constant disappointment. That's not a healthy thing to do because it will ultimately lead to sentiments like yours that you'd rather be dead than single. Be content (yes easier said than done) with who you are now in your singleness because you might be that way for a while. Life is too short to constantly be obsessing with finding the right mate. That person may not exist for a lot of us. Would you rather be in a loveless and sexless marriage all for the sake of saying, "yes! I'm married! I won't die a spinster!" ??? When I feel down about my singleness, I usually hop over to the marriage board to read all of the stories of how marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be and it makes me appreciate the fact that for now, it's just me. I don't have to deal with someone else's BS. All you/we can do is keep trying and hoping for the best in terms of finding a mate , but at the same time being ok with the aspect that it might just be you for a bit (or forever). If you quit now, then you'll never know if that next guy you would've dated could've been "the one" for you....
Author greatgirlfriend Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Ach don't kill yourself over a stupid man who doesn't know what he wants. If he doesn't want you 'and anyone else' he's just in a place where he's 'confused'. I know it's easy to say, when you really like someone, but you are better off without. And don't put a time limit on these things 'I will be married by the age of 41' or whatever, you just put yourself under unnecessary stress and will make yourself feel like more of a failure by failing to hit targets that you yourself have decided upon. No one is putting a gun to your head saying you must be in a relationship by 40, you are doing that to yourself. Not to make you feel any worse, but reading between the lines it sounds like you are getting pretty desperate due to time running out, and on top of that you are putting yourself down regarding your arthritis and psoriasis. Change your attitude to 'I'm just going to go out there and have fun and not worry about whether a relationship develops into 'something' or not', remember this is not about snagging a man, it's about meeting someone compatible with you, and that means him sharing the same feelings for you, as you have for him. Relaxing a bit and taking the time limit off will take the pressure off you and the next guy, (and prevents men running for the hills). They sense the desperation and get uneasy, I'm sure of it. And you can't make your disabilities as you call them an excuse to feel like you are worthless. Men might not be aware of them, but if you are feeling unworthy and unattractive and not a good catch because of it, you basically radiate those vibes out, others pick up on them and your own feelings about yourself are confirmed. If you genuinely are feeling suicidal over your situation, get yourself to a therapist asap. I wish I knew what to do. I know he's confused, but the confusion might never clear up. I want a partner and they are hard to find.
soulm8 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Ugh I'm really sorry to hear this I have to admit, for some reason reading your posts about this guy... made me think he's in the closet. Please don't beat yourself up over him. There ARE other men out there... looking for you.
Sharla Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 We all have our defects yours do not sound that serious, I have lots. But so far I've been fortunate to have experienced great love, not once but twice. So I count myself very lucky in that regard. I don't know if you have but I hope you have because its truly a wonderful gift. Hang in there..
annxxdisaster Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 What would you make of this? The guy I am seeing said this to me. Told me to keep my dating options open but he's not interested in dating others. It's an early relationship but kind of strange. I hope you're not dating my ex
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