AmeliaApple Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 So, here's a question for anyone willing to talk about it. I've noticed that on many people's profiles one of the reasons they list for the disillusion of or problems in the marriage includes "sexual incompatibility". Can anyone explain to me what all this includes? For me, there is not a problem in reaching orgasm, the main problem I have with our sexual relationship is the "foreplay" or lack there of. I can write the exact sequence that my husband uses when he is trying to get me to have sex and I have to tell you, it's a huge turn off. Step one, two, three...none of them are very good and I'm unsatisfied in that area. Like I said, once we start having sex, I have no problem reaching an orgasm or two...but cannot stand most of the rest. I feel horrible for saying that, but I'm here to be as open and honest as I can be. Thoughts?
HeyThere Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I feel horrible for saying that, but I'm here to be as open and honest as I can be. Thoughts? Be open and honest with your husband in very specific terms of what are turn ons and turn offs. If you've done that repeatedly to no avail, then try the cave woman approach and club him over the head.
Jeff1962 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Yeah Amelia, you need to gently talk to your H. It's probably going to hurt his ego a little. Maybe coach him along or suggest some of the things you are looking for. Good luck.
TheLoneSock Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Tell him to step up his game. Guys appreciate straightforwardness. Be blunt with him.
Author AmeliaApple Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Thanks for the comments! Yes, I've tried the talking thing...even suggested toys...but he doesn't like my toys. We can't even talk about masturbation...which is a bit strange to me. And, yes, one of the problems is the "ego" thing. Whenever I've brought it up in the past, it's like I've punched him in the face. Like I said, while I can have an orgasm or two during sex, it's the lack of aggressiveness in the foreplay that makes me want to scream! I'll try some more direct approach stuff. We are also seeing a counselor together, so hopefully that will help as well. Thank goodness for toys, though!
Blindsidedagainalive Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Sure, you can voice your feelings to your husband through therapy. My feeling is .....it will likely return to the previous baseline in time. Let's look at this more closely. You are having sex (not everybody does) You are not complaining about the frequency (many people are very unhappy with the frequency) You are able to orgasm (some people NEVER orgasm) Now, you are not happy with the foreplay. Well that is probably what all woman complain about. It sounds like the problem is with you. You are hard to please. Accept what you got, a husband that is not ****ing someone else, and is giving you orgasms.
Author AmeliaApple Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) Now, you are not happy with the foreplay. Well that is probably what all woman complain about. It sounds like the problem is with you. You are hard to please. Accept what you got, a husband that is not ****ing someone else, and is giving you orgasms. Quite entertaining! Yes, I orgasm during sex...multiple times...but I've done the work to be able to do that. Playing with toys and through learning how to fully enjoy sex. If I can work at my marriage to make it better and him happier, so can he. Sounds like you might be reliving a memory of a foreplay critique that wasn't so great for you. I'm also not going to "thank my lucky stars" that he isn't ****ing someone else. I'm very hot, smart, supporting him while he is in school, and totally committed. So, keep that BS for your moderately satisfying relationships. Edited February 15, 2010 by AmeliaApple
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