4givrnt4gtr Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 So, a lot of you know Ive been dealing with a break up with someone i really cared about. Throughout all of it, and basically for over 7 years Ive had a friend who has stucked by me thru thick and thin. Actually, since maybe a month or so after the break up, we've sort of started hooking up, but we both knew that a relationship was not very feasible, I thought more so on my side than on his. Basically Im leaving in 5 months and quite frankly though i love him as a friend, I could not be more than that with him based on religious differences etc. Still is clear we are attracted to each other as every time we go out for a few drinks we end up hooking up. Anyway, last night, ofcourse he asked me to come out with him for a few drinks. As usual we ended up in my apartment. However, for the past couple of times every time we're "done" he acts weird, for instance one time he tried to stay over but couldnt sleep, got up and left. The last time he stayed, he even cuddled me afterwards but then i didnt hear from him for several days. Ive struggle with this because I dont want to hurt him, or me, and honestly i wasn't sure how to stop it. Every time we talk I feel like he wants more and I just cant give him that. Anyway, as i said last night we hooked up and afterwards he got all dressed saying how bad he felt. We had a talk where he basically said that he felt guilty every time we hooked up (because of his religion) and we couldn't be coming back to my place anymore. At that point i was so sick of the pretenses that I asked him straight out if he wanted a relationship with me. He said no, that he didnt see me that way, that he just felt safe with me and thats why he kept hooking up with me. He said that the fact that i was not religious and....quite frankly i cant remember very well as I was drunk. The point is, he made me feel like a cheap whore, one he regrets every time he visits. Well I told him that I felt pretty much the same, that we couldn't keep hooking up and that frankly I felt we needed to have some space. He said that if thats how I felt then thats was fine, and so basically, our friendship ended right then and there. I only have about three close friends, one being him. I hate to lose him but honestly I hate the confusion we go ourselves into the most. I know i dont want a relationship with him but every time we hang out and have some drinks for some reason it feels different. And then when we talk it really feels like he wants something else but then he denies it and says he doesn't see me that way. Anyway, i lost my friend....my closest source of companionship and support here....what a sad day
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