Eleria Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Hi guys, I have been reading this forum for help on my situation and decided to just post my story here so I get better advice. Any help is greatly appreciated! First attempt at breakup in early Dec: I was with my ex-boyfriend for 9 months, with the last few months mostly on long-distance because I had to relocate to Germany for work. I found out from his brother that he brought another girl home to stay. When I confronted him about it, he told me that the girl loved him and when she found out about me, she attempted suicide. Due to his guilt, he let her stay over for 5 nights, but he does not "love" her. With stress from other personal reasons which he told me, he said he needed space. So I tried to be understanding gave him that space (knowing this could mean a breakup eventually and still doubtful that he has completely no feelings for the girl). For the next 3 days, I tried to stay out of contact as I was also devastated. He still contacted me daily and asked me why I was out of reach. I thought he really missed me and needed me to be there by his side, so I booked a flight back home to spend New Year's with him. Second attempt at breakup 2 weeks later: The girl wrote me an email telling me that they had started seeing each other about a month before I found out about her. He kissed her first. After she found out about me, they tried to stay apart but was unable to. She admitted to attempting suicide and that they were not "gf/bf" status as of this point, but they were still seeing each other. Now, I was totally hurt, lost and depressed over the truth. I was this close to cancelling my flight back but his brother told me to go anyway to sort this out face-to-face. I had a talk with my ex-boyfriend over this issue and had an argument at the end. I told him to just forget about us, forget about our future plans together and left. He wrote me a long email later and told me that he needed space not because of the distance or to chase another girl, but because he needs time to sort his life out. He still wants to spend our next vacation together. Third attempt on New Year's We finally had our face-to-face talk. I never felt this distant from him. He said he cared for her a lot, and he still cares about me and thinks about me all the time, but things felt different. He wasn't able to tell me the truth because he couldn't bring it to himself to hurt me. He said he doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now, but because I am "more stable" than the other girl (she attempted suicide) and being so far away, it was easier to let me go. I accepted that we were over and done then, so I wished them well. However, at the end of the "talk", he said he still wants to travel with me in future, and be co-owner of my future restaurant. I was dumb-founded by this but shook my head in disagreement, he might be trying to be "nice". Since New Year's (back in Germany) I tried to cut contact again so as to move on, by avoiding him. But he continued texting me. We have a lot of common friends, and played the same online game together, so I bumped into him on msn/ventrilo a few times. (ok i admit thats not fully cutting contact). Every time we met, even though it feels different, he would say things that confuses me and makes me think he still loves me. He would talk about the good times we shared together. Note that all this while, I know he is still seeing the other girl, but he never mentioned it to me. In late January, he told me that every time he sees my pictures, or some thing that belongs to me, thinks about me, he heart hurts and wants me. We started talking again like normal, but I wasn't sure if he was still seeing the other girl. So few days later, I asked if he meant what he said he doesn't want to explain himself and doesn't want to hurt me or her. It was clear that he's still seeing her and stringing me along so I got frustrated and this time, closed my facebook account, blocked/deleted him off msn, stayed off ventrilo. About 6 days later, I got an email from him saying he will love me with his entire heart and soul forever. Then I heard from his friend that he was feeling very guilty about what he did to me,he still has feelings for me, but he was still seeing the other girl. I decided to take action on this, told him not to feel guilty, just spend happy times with the other girl because at this point, I don't see why he would tell me this and yet still be with the other girl. They obviously has feelings for each other. I still love him A LOT, care for him more than anything and miss him, but it won't work out the way it is now. I just have to give him up and wish them the best. He put on his facebook status, something which only both of us understood (inside story), but it meant loving me. He talked about the movie Dear John and how he cried 3 times watching it. It reminds me of our story too. As much as I want him back, I don't want him to be cheating on the girl, and I know most of you will say to forget him and move on, he's not worth my time with the things he's doing. The sane side of me tells me that too. But my heart isn't. What if he really loves me, but because of guilt towards the other girl and other circumstances, he is seeing her?
GrayClouds Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 What if he really loves me, but because of guilt towards the other girl and other circumstances, he is seeing her? He does not really love you, guys how love you would not be doing any of this to you. He made his intent known and wants to keep you as a back up for bootie calls, ego boosting, and in case the other one falls through. You are feeling like a yo-yo because that is how he is playing you. You deserve someone who truly cares for you, this one is not that guy.
MizzBella Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 There have been a lot of changes in your life recently - the move to Germany and your ex's bullsh**. Moving is stressful enough! Trust me that you don't need someone in your life who cheats and lies - I married someone like that and it didn't turn out well. You deserve so much better. Put your energy into yourself, meeting new people, and exploring your new environment.
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