Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Wow, so many great posts and so thought provoking! Thanks everyone. I learned just to appreciate the good moments and have fun, and not have huge expectations of the future, at least in the beginning stages of dating somebody. That's one I had to learn too. I would rush to the fun beginning stages of a relationship in a quest for "security". It was like my goal was to get to him saying "I love you" as fast as possible. So one thing I also had to learn was to stop, slow down and ask myself: "What about me? Do I like this guy or am I only into trying to make this guy like me?" Yes, clearly, I had issues. So glad my teens and twenties are over! Must admit I had a lot of fun though.
Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 No one thing in life brings happiness. Its all about balancing relationships, career, family, money, free time, passions, etc. Exactly how I feel. And yes, in that sense, being in a loving relationship can be very fulfilling. As many have said before, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. This involves being yourself and looking out for your best interests. If you don't look out for your interest who do you expect to? The person you are dating...? Big mistake. Yup, no matter how I look at it, this one is a central one. There is not a point in the dating process where it doesn't hold true. You can be engaged, just starting to date or going through a break up: taking care of yourself will always pay off, help you stay balanced, help you heal, help you listen to your partner, help you establish healthy boundaries.
Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 I realised I've been reading a lot more of past relationships or dating experiences of those I know who have gone through a lot [like you, tbf, D-Lish] and take what I can from their experiences/advice to others. Woohoo! All that pain and confusion wasn't for nothing. I wish LS had been around when I was younger but, meh, the internet had just gone mainstream.
Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 IMO, the people that manage to leap the shark tank one more time to risk and trust again, are the ones that continue to enjoy life. The people that don't manage it, get trapped in self-perpetuating fear and always crave but never get what they want out of life. I love reading Psychology Today and they had an issue on the Psychology of Happiness. They reported an interesting finding: be it in business or in social relationships, the people who were most successful were also the people who had faced the most (and the biggest) failures. They also showed the highest level of reported happiness. If I remember correctly, the researchers explained the finding as such: Positive people tend to be higher risk takers. They also tend to see failure as a learning experience (instead as of a comment on their capacities or on themselves). In this way, they turn their failures into opportunities. Also, people who overcome one failure successuflly have an easier time putting failure in perspective. Being a positive risk-taker reinforces positive risk-taking.
Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Suddenly I feel like I'm settling if I stay and the behavior doesn't change. I know that feeling. I tend to doubt myself easily so a part of me always wonders if I'm being "too lenient" or "too understanding" with my partner. I'll go check out your thread...
Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 1. Give up control. Don't try to manipulate, act like you think they want you to act, or disguise your feelings to get them more interested. Healthy people are straightforward and expect the same. They won't respond to games. Don't read self help books because most of them will try to push a behavioral change on you that is unnatural and sometimes maladaptive. Don't listen to bitter people about what "works" because they are the last people who will know (since they can't move on and learn from their mistakes). Very good one Shadow! 2. Being with the wrong person can actually make you miserable and potentially ruin your life. It can also destroy your self esteem if you stick around too long. I didn't realize how true this is until I left my ex and got involved in a healthy relationship. Amen. I'm so glad you've found a healthy relationship.
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