Author Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Not a bad idea. I was thinking something a little more sexual, but my mind always thinks sex. No doubt that was included in the "other activity".
You'reasian Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 No doubt that was included in the "other activity". ........... Ladies and dudes posing as ladies behind computers, Its always a pleasure discussing relationships. Have a wonderful afternoon/evening/morning wherever you may be. Cheers!
Author Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 ........... Ladies and dudes posing as ladies behind computers, Its always a pleasure discussing relationships. Have a wonderful afternoon/evening/morning wherever you may be. Cheers! I'm all lady! Bidding you a great afternoon/evening/night/morning wherever you are!
Stockalone Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) So true. A lot of people look for love as a cure for loneliness. And think they're lonely because they haven't found love. Or bored because they haven't found love. Love isn't a cure for loneliness. Being active and busy is a cure for loneliness. I disagree. In my opinion, love most certainly is the cure for loneliness, but I think it depends on how we individually feel, how we define the meaning of life. Being active and busy isn't good enough IMO. Granted, it's actually not a bad life, when you are physically fit, have friends, hobbies, and enough money and spare time to travel and see the world. But it's also an empty (not fulfilling) life, there has to be more to life than that. And love is the answer. Only the soul that loves is happy. Love gives meaning to life. Edited February 15, 2010 by Stockalone
PhillyDude Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I learned that as a guy if you never talk about sex on the phone a woman would be be more willing to come to your place on the first date. If you only go on dates with a woman during the week for the first 2-3 dates, another guy is taking her out on the weekend If a woman cancels a date because she says she is sick then it's a lie.
Author Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I disagree. In my opinion, love most certainly is the cure for loneliness, but I think it depends on how we individually feel, how we define the meaning of life. Being active and busy isn't good enough IMO. Granted, it's actually not a bad life, when you are physically fit, have friends, hobbies, and enough money and spare time to travel and see the world. But it's also an empty (not fulfilling) life, there has to be more to life than that. And love is the answer. Only the soul that loves is happy. Love gives meaning to life. But have you ever found yourself in a fullfilling relationship still feeling like there has to be more to life then what you currently have? I know I have. I think that a relationship adds to your life and happiness, but cannot be my sole source of well-being and happiness. I feel that that would be asking too much of my partner.
Author Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I learned that as a guy if you never talk about sex on the phone a woman would be be more willing to come to your place on the first date. If you only go on dates with a woman during the week for the first 2-3 dates, another guy is taking her out on the weekend You mean you asked her out on the weekend and she kept suggesting weekdays instead? Yes, that indicates a low level of interest in my book. If a woman cancels a date because she says she is sick then it's a lie. Maybe maybe not. People do get sick. If someone cancels a date and doesn't counter-offer another date, that I take it to mean their interest level is low.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 The most important thing I have learned is that it's a waste of time to expect any significant changes in another person. We are who we are, and our basic personality doesn't change that much. If you don't like what they bring to equation early on, don't waste your time waiting for them to change. Accept them and choose to love them as they are now, or realize this person doesn't have what you're looking for in partner, and move on.
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 The hardest thing I've learned in dating is to stay true to myself and my beliefs, which I believe was in the OP as well. I 've learned that in an R, I have to set boundaries and rules that are consistent with who I am, otherwise, I allow the other person to run all over me and I end up miserable with no one to blame but myself. For me, this also means to not be afraid to put my foot down. So many times I let something gloss over b/c I'm afraid if I say something, the guy will like me less, or think I am nagging or whining. In the end, if he can't respect my boundaries, he's not worth my time anyway and I shouldn't care if he likes me. That was hard to learn, and even harder to put into practice. I completely agree with you and it rings true over here too, Crazy.
lookin2wardthefuture Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 The most important thing I have learned is that it's a waste of time to expect any significant changes in another person. We are who we are, and our basic personality doesn't change that much. If you don't like what they bring to equation early on, don't waste your time waiting for them to change. Accept them and choose to love them as they are now, or realize this person doesn't have what you're looking for in partner, and move on. ABSOLUTELY!!!! One of my favorie quotes " You can't change a man unless he's in diapers"!!! SOOOOO true:)
Stockalone Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 But have you ever found yourself in a fullfilling relationship still feeling like there has to be more to life then what you currently have? No. I know I have. I think that a relationship adds to your life and happiness, but cannot be my sole source of well-being and happiness. I feel that that would be asking too much of my partner. I don't need a woman to go out of her way, in order to make me happy. I don't need her to entertain me either. When I was in love, our love for each other was a fountain of inspiration, hope and happiness for me. And it gave my life a worthwhile purpose. Like many other things though, I believe this is a matter of personal preferences as well as our own unique perception. So I can understand why you feel differently.
alphamale Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 What about you... What have you learned from dating? that there are no hard and fast rules and that each dating "situation" is unique
Author Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 that there are no hard and fast rules and that each dating "situation" is unique True dat! I still feel like I learned a thing or two along the way. Stockalone, I do understand what you mean. Falling in love and feeling in love is an amazing feeling and definitely a source of strength.
Woggle Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 The less you try and please a woman the closer you will come to doing so. I also have learned to watch what a woman does and ignore what she says.
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 The less you try and please a woman the closer you will come to doing so. I also have learned to watch what a woman does and ignore what she says. There's truth to this.
SadandConfusedWA Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I am with Stock on this. Love really is the only real cure for loneliness. At the same time I am an independent person with many friends and work and hobbies. I certainly am not clingy like you would expect from a person that thinks that love is answer to everything. I just feel that without love, everything else is meaningless. And if I only had love and nothing else in life, I would still be happy. The only time that I have been unhappy in a relationship was when I was with someone I wasn't that into or if the guy mistreating me in some way. Other than that, mutually loving and supportive relationship is ALL I need to be happy.
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I am with Stock on this. Love really is the only real cure for loneliness. At the same time I am an independent person with many friends and work and hobbies. I certainly am not clingy like you would expect from a person that thinks that love is answer to everything. I just feel that without love, everything else is meaningless. And if I only had love and nothing else in life, I would still be happy. The only time that I have been unhappy in a relationship was when I was with someone I wasn't that into or if the guy mistreating me in some way. Other than that, mutually loving and supportive relationship is ALL I need to be happy. You can live a full, meaningful life as a single person. Conquer goals, have fun, travel, meet people. However having love amplifies the life's greatness
Author Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 I just feel that without love, everything else is meaningless. And if I only had love and nothing else in life, I would still be happy. The only time that I have been unhappy in a relationship was when I was with someone I wasn't that into or if the guy mistreating me in some way. Other than that, mutually loving and supportive relationship is ALL I need to be happy. I don't know why but growing up I never bought into the "happy ever after" stories. And yet my parents are still happily married. I just thought (and still think) that love is something that happens to us if we're lucky. But that life is worth living no matter what. Everything I do brings meaning to my life and enriches my life. Do I prefer to share it with someone? Yes. But really, I conceive of love as icing on top of an already delicious a cake. I nearly died as a kid, so maybe that's why I'm so enamored with life, whether I share it with someone or not.
threebyfate Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Hard lessons learned from dating: Foundational compatibility.Love is never enough.
yeex Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 No matter how good it seems today, they may still be gone tomorrow. I learned just to appreciate the good moments and have fun, and not have huge expectations of the future, at least in the beginning stages of dating somebody.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 But have you ever found yourself in a fullfilling relationship still feeling like there has to be more to life then what you currently have? I know I have. I think that a relationship adds to your life and happiness, but cannot be my sole source of well-being and happiness. I feel that that would be asking too much of my partner. This belief is an expansion from lessons of dating to lessons of life, but their are limitations Yes a relationship cannot be a sole source of happniess but the lack of a relationship is a source of sadness. I don't expect a relationship to solve my problems but I know it will make my life more enjoyable and make me part of something more than myself. No one thing in life brings happiness. Its all about balancing relationships, career, family, money, free time, passions, etc. The hardest lesson of dating is being yourself sucks sometimes. Which results in trying to change yourself or change what you don't like about yourself. This can be extremely difficult or even imopssible at times. As many have said before, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. This involves being yourself and looking out for your best interests. If you don't look out for your interest who do you expect to? The person you are dating...? Big mistake.
Leia Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 1. Your well-being comes first. if at any time during the dating process you find yourself miserable, take a step back, forget about the boy (or girl) and do everything in your power to get yourself in a healthy frame of mind. Once you've done that, then you may get back to the issues in your romantic life, knowing that your romantic life doesn't define you. 2. There's nothing wrong with showing interest. This is the result of rule 1. If you know you have your own back, then you can show interest without expecting the other person to validate you. You are giving them the gift of your interest in a way. What they do with it is up to them. You? You will be fine. (After you dust yourself off if they don't return the interest). 3. That being said, when first dating, make sure there is a balance between just how invested you are in the relationship and how much interest they show. Let the relationship grow at it's own pace. Take cues from the person you are dating. #1 is very important and I make sure I take a step back whenever I feel the need to do so. For this first serious relationship ever [i feel that it is this time], I realised I've been reading a lot more of past relationships or dating experiences of those I know who have gone through a lot [like you, tbf, D-Lish] and take what I can from their experiences/advice to others. I'm glad #3 is well-balanced in my current relationship. This is a good thread
threebyfate Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 For some reason, this thread brings to mind that sappy, sappy Foreigner song, I Wanna Know What Love Is. The stanza that comes to mind is: In my life, There's been heartache and pain, I don't know if I can face it again. IMO, the people that manage to leap the shark tank one more time to risk and trust again, are the ones that continue to enjoy life. The people that don't manage it, get trapped in self-perpetuating fear and always crave but never get what they want out of life. Another hard dating lesson: Just do it but make sure you don't ignore the red flags as you proceed. Once those red flags pop up, run like you've never ran before. Also, make sure they're real red flags v. fear created fictional ones.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Another hard dating lesson: Just do it but make sure you don't ignore the red flags as you proceed. Once those red flags pop up, run like you've never ran before. Also, make sure they're real red flags v. fear created fictional ones. I really suck at learning that lesson too. And I can't ever tell if I've got a real red flag or not! Arg! Hence my obsessive posting to the boundaries with an ex thread. At least it's got me thinking more about it. Suddenly I feel like I'm settling if I stay and the behavior doesn't change.
shadowplay Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 1. Give up control. Don't try to manipulate, act like you think they want you to act, or disguise your feelings to get them more interested. Healthy people are straightforward and expect the same. They won't respond to games. Don't read self help books because most of them will try to push a behavioral change on you that is unnatural and sometimes maladaptive. Don't listen to bitter people about what "works" because they are the last people who will know (since they can't move on and learn from their mistakes). 2. Being with the wrong person can actually make you miserable and potentially ruin your life. It can also destroy your self esteem if you stick around too long. I didn't realize how true this is until I left my ex and got involved in a healthy relationship.
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