annabella724 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I've been having a "thing" with a co-worker for about 4 months now. We had known each other for a couple of months until one day, I ended up at his place after a night of drinking and dancing with mutual friends (I didn't sleep with him). Since then, that's pretty much how things have been with us. We meet up while we're out on the weekends, end up staying at his place, and we just hang out together the next day until the evening. Sometimes he would ask me to lunch, but this is very rare. I'm too scared to bring up "the talk" with him, since he is pretty known for being a ladies man. He's smart, attractive, and he knows how to have fun. It just worries me when he tells me that all these girls are pursuing him, and he tries to refuse them nicely, but they just don't get the message. It just makes me wonder if I'm one of those girls... When he CCed me in an email to one of his family members (he thought that I could help with something), he referred to me as his "friend", which I obviously am, but it did sting a little. I just don't know where this is going, especially because he's hot then cold all the time. Some days, he calls me after work, or decides to give me random phone calls. Other days, he doesn't contact me for a week then pops back up. What confuses me the most is that while we are intimate, he's never pursued sleeping with me. I really like him, but I just can't be forward or show my emotions because I have my guard up with him. I am just wondering whether this situation seems like there could be some potential, or if I'm just wasting my time hoping that he would take the next step. Some unbiased opinions would really be appreciated.
Rulebreaker Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 He sounds confused/not ready to commit. Next!
zebracolors Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Well you won't know where you stand unless you ask. However I know that if you ask something like that it might have the potential to make things awkward. Most men usually have no trouble making their feelings and intentions/hopes with women known right? However, I can't get into the head of a man whose actions always seem to hover just over the fine line between friendship and romance. So perhaps someone with a better idea of this man's thought processes will chime in here. I would keep guarded with him until you know for sure, but who knows, it could be just that he's still trying to decide how he really feels about you. If you trust him, you need to take his word that he really is refusing the attention of those other women. So if you don't really want to ask him right out, maybe you could covertly gage it. Maybe idly bring up the subject, (if its comfortable to do so with this man) that you might want to try dating but to find someone else of course. Now who knows this might light a fire under his bum to make a decision to speak up about how he feels. Or it just might get a friend reaction, like encouragement. Which would mean you still would be right back where you started, but you'd know for sure if you are wasting your energy in falling for this guy. Other then that I don't know what to tell you but good luck.
paleblue Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 i think you are wasting your time. usually when someone is interested you know right away. you just dont go weeks not talking to someone you are interested in. just got out of something similiar - i "dated" this girl for 6months. lots of confusion wondering whats up. she'd lead me on. whats worse is i kept asking! i said if you arent interested we can just be friend so i can look for someone. she kept indicating otherwise - still nothing happened. in the end it just got to the point where i had enough of the games and started moving on. then she told me she cant give me what i want. a little unfair as far as i am concerned. why waste both our time with that junk. we havent spoken in almost a week. she could have just told me friends, which i was ok with, and we would still be talking as friends. now there are hurt feelings and neither one of us is talking. it sucks. we were great as at least friends! so i am on the opinion you are either into it or you are not. there is no inbetween and i dont know about this lets see how i feel down the road thing. maybe, but you keep that to yourself and just be friends until you can tell someone for sure. i say look for someone else. and besides - dating co-workers... what happens if/when it falls apart? he doesnt seem ready to commit. imagine going into work everyday and facing that. not pleasant. been there, still there, got the t-shirt.
DustySaltus Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I personally think you've been friendzoned. By all means you can have "the talk" with him but I think it could bring some awkwardness to the situation. If he's such a "ladies man" he would've tried something by now. But for your own sanity I can see if you want to talk to him to get some kind of clarity. Good luck.
You'reasian Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) I've been having a "thing" with a co-worker for about 4 months now. We had known each other for a couple of months until one day, I ended up at his place after a night of drinking and dancing with mutual friends (I didn't sleep with him). Since then, that's pretty much how things have been with us. We meet up while we're out on the weekends, end up staying at his place, and we just hang out together the next day until the evening. Sometimes he would ask me to lunch, but this is very rare. I'm too scared to bring up "the talk" with him, since he is pretty known for being a ladies man. He's smart, attractive, and he knows how to have fun. It just worries me when he tells me that all these girls are pursuing him, and he tries to refuse them nicely, but they just don't get the message. It just makes me wonder if I'm one of those girls... When he CCed me in an email to one of his family members (he thought that I could help with something), he referred to me as his "friend", which I obviously am, but it did sting a little. I just don't know where this is going, especially because he's hot then cold all the time. Some days, he calls me after work, or decides to give me random phone calls. Other days, he doesn't contact me for a week then pops back up. What confuses me the most is that while we are intimate, he's never pursued sleeping with me. I really like him, but I just can't be forward or show my emotions because I have my guard up with him. I am just wondering whether this situation seems like there could be some potential, or if I'm just wasting my time hoping that he would take the next step. Some unbiased opinions would really be appreciated. Time for one of those face to face discussions. Why? For instance - If a woman doesn't respond to 2 calls for instance, some guys take it as a sign to walk away - whereas some women may think that the guy is supposed to chase, persuit etc. Without having the face to face, that information can't be explained and instead - you start jumping to conclusions - "wow, he's hot and he's cold...why won't he call mee and chase me like a real man?!?! Jerk!!" To find out - you didn't bother calling him back, he took it as a sign of disinterest and he had to go out of town on business. Dating people where you work is bad juju. The more separation, the better. And lastly opinions are biased by their nature Edited February 15, 2010 by You'reasian
tmesis Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It just worries me when he tells me that all these girls are pursuing him, and he tries to refuse them nicely, but they just don't get the message. It just makes me wonder if I'm one of those girls... I'm not a guy so they might think differently, but personally I would never tell a potential love interest that there were other guys interested in me. I'd tell my friends, definitely, but I wouldn't have that conversation with someone I wanted to get with. Like DustySaltus I think you might be in the friendzone.
oneheart Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 This isn't what you want is it? It's not going in the right direction? I think you should really make the effort to find someone else to fancy before that sting becomes something much more painful. I think the first reply said it all!
Author annabella724 Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Guys, thank you so much for you response. Just to make it clear, while he is a co-worker, our job is a little different from the ordinary in the sense that we don't really work together (therefore see each other at all) unless we are in the same team (which rarely happens). So I guess most of the answers are that I'm a friend with benefits (everything except the sex part)? I guess I was kind of getting the vibe that he likes to hang out with me, but just doesn't see me more than an occasional make out/other stuff partner... On the other hand, answering You'reasian's question, I guess I never do really pick up his phone calls or call back. If anything, I just text him back just because I don't want to catch him at a bad time. I've also not been able to make it out to dinners or parties that he invites me to because it's usually last minute (though this part just screams "friend"). Maybe I could just casually bring it up the next time I'm having an intimate moment with him?? Just casually mention that I actually like him? I guess I don't really have anything to lose at this point, huh?
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