canadaman111 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Just wondering how long or after how many dates with someone does it normally take before you feel you are commiting to someone. I understand this might very with each person you are with. I am asking this because I tend to commit very early, and was just wondering other peoples views on this.
Ms. Joolie Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I've never committed to anyone. However, I do have an SO right now. I feel emotionally involved with him, of course, and we have developed an intimacy between us, but those things are very different from commitment. Personally, I don't feel committed to him, in spite of the love we share. I was raised with commitment meaning marriage between husband and wife, a public ceremony, the ring on the finger.... that sort of thing. So I don't feel committed, is what I'm saying. Commitment is something beyond feelings. And even if I were to make up my mind to be committed to him, that would be different than agreeing to make the commitment together. In other words..... it's ingrained in my head that marriage is commitment. Other than that, we're all free, baby.
Ms. Joolie Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Of course if you mean sexual exclusivity, that's different.
Lakeside_runner Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Committed in the sense of not seeing anyone else and expecting the same i.e. 'being exclusive' - for me it's also quite early. There is a certain level of knowing someone and mutual interest between people beyond which I expect them to put something into the developing relationship and concentrate on each other rather than pursuing multiple people at the same time. It's usually 1.5 months or 5-6 dates. On another note: It occurred to me that in all my relationships so far I knew pretty early if I want this to go somewhere or not. Dates 1-2 are to see if there is some compatibility, once we get to date 5-7 to me it means that this is developing nicely. I would usually expect to bring up the topic of being exclusive around that time, as I said after dating a girl for 1.5-2 months.
sally4sara Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 For me there has always been two stages of committing. The stage where I feel comfortable with the person and I've stopped accepting dates from others. I've learned enough about the person that I find them admirable and have respect for them. I want to see if we have something worthy of investing in. This falls in the 2 - 9 month category and is highly dependent on the person and circumstances we've been through. The second one is when I know their mind completely. They are family. I can count on them and trust their instincts and moral code. This starts after about a year.
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