oneheart Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I haven't really got anyone to ask these questions to so I wondered what people thought. I have posted a few things on here and over the past couple of years I seem to have some particular things that go round in my head over my current relationship of 2 years and I wondered if other people feel the same and if some could offer advice? These questions are really for people who are in relationship they consider good. When people are in a good relationship ( and I mean one past the honeymoon period of say 12 months) do you feel adored daily? I feel like I just want to feel adored by someone..... Not sure if I have it in this enough in my relationship. Does that mean it's not good? Am I expecting too much? He says he loves me... how do I know if it is enough for me? I could leave him and get it wrong with someone else..... maybe this is good as it gets? Am I completely crazy to be thinking I need a good relationship because I want to have kids soon (I'm 32 and want kids before ...well... ideally in the next 2-3 years). Do kids just happen? Should I stop wanting and hoping? I want them so much... I'm scared it's never going to happen..... should I leave this relationship and try again with someone else or keep working on this one? I can't figure out what to do and I don't want to waste years of my life like I have done before in a previous 2-4 year relationships. He wants kids but with 'the right person' our relationship has some issues, some we have worked out others that still need work - I want that person to be me.... of course I don't want kids if things are bad. If he is saying he wants kids with the right person does that mean it's not me? Am I crazy to feel upset that he is saying this? 'the right person'? and not me? Sorry if this seems crazy... a bit on the edge... it's just how I feel right now. I can't see all that clearly. A bit of wisdom and experience would really help. Thanks so much. xx
Scottdmw Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It seems like if you've been seeing a guy for more than a year at your ages, he should be ready to make a decision about marrying you and having children with you. I'm not sure what more time is going to do as far as adding more information. That's my opinion, I'm pretty sure other people on this board will disagree. You are right that you only have so much time. I can say from experience that I waited 3.5 years for a woman to decide that she would be ready to marry me, including a number of promises and deadlines, and in the end she didn't. If a person doesn't really feel sure after a year, I don't think the odds are good that they ever will. I would suggest not giving an ultimatum--in my experience they only generate false promises. It would be fair to tell your guy how you feel, that children are very important to you and you only have so much time. Tell him that in a non-demanding way if that make sense, just that that's the way you feel. If you feel strongly make sure that comes across, but again not in a way that you're telling him what he has to do. Give him some time to absorb that, like a week or two. If he does not take action of some kind on his own at that point, you might want to consider leaving, or at least taking steps in that direction. Scott
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