CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) I can't do this. The ex is with another woman--cheated on me. And I want him back SO bad. He wants me to do NC--stop bothering him and in a few weeks he said MAYBE we can talk. WOW--this is hurting me so much. I was supposed to leave him alone, but everyday I have a week moment and send that little "email" or "text" and feel like it will maybe spark something in him. I KNOW this is the dumbest thing in the world to do. I KNOW I shouldn't contact him. I KNOW he is a piece of crap for treating me this way. But I can't resist the urges. What do I do at that very moment--where you are sitting by the phone, just about to dial the numbers or just about to send a quick text. What can I do so I can truly do NC. I feel like I am turning obsessive and into a stalker and I am not like this. He was the one who used to be SO obsessed with me--but he found someone else. He is still wont admit to me he cheated etc. Tells me he is on a ski trip this weekend. He is the type of guy who can NEVER EVER be wrong. When I catch him in his lies--he gets SO mad--and tells me its my fault. How do I do NC? I was supposed to be doing this for 1 week and so far no luck. I need to do this for myself. The nights are the worst and the early mornings. Edited February 15, 2010 by CaliforniaSunshine
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 When you feel the urge to contact him, come on here and post in one of the "write here instead of contacting your ex" threads, or write a letter but put it away. The next day your head might be clearer and you can throw it out. That's what I've been doing and it's worked well so far.
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I have a notebook full of letters. I have written on here. The urge is so strong to contact him it is like I am a crack addict. Like on heroin. Just a little message---just a quick "good morning babe" Honestly I am having a hard time eating, sleeping and really functioning. I need to move on but cannot. How do I do this? I am sure I will break down today and want to call him. he spent the weekend with the other woman and he told me he just needed to see if the feelings were still there for her. Well--I want to know if they were. I suppose if he wanted me he would call me. How can he just throw US away? I dont get it!!!!!
iheartboobs Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Here's a realization that helped me: Right now, you're giving him everything he wants. I would bet that you didn't show him near this much attention when you were together, so, right now, he's getting all the love, admiration, attention, etc... that he could possibly want without having to recipricate. This is a huge ego and power trip for him, and it's also a safety net. Right now, because of how you're treating him, he knows he can do whatever he wants and you'll be right there, so what's his incentive to get back together with you anytime soon? He has none. You're giving him all the love, affection, and power he could possibly want without having to be with you. In effect, you're rewarding him for treating you this way. All you can do is try and move on. I know it's hard, I had to do it too, but try and look at it this way: either 1 of 2 things is happening 1. he really does want to get away from you, or 2. he's playing a game As a man who's been a complete A-hole for a long time (but with God's help, I pray I'm getting better), I've personally done both these things, and the woman constantly calling/texting/emailing either pushed me further away if I really wanted the break, or let me know I could continue to act like as much as a jerk as I wanted with absolutely no consequences if I was playing a game. If you want to get this guy back, the only thing you can do right now is leave him alone and make him think you don't want him. Anything else is just going to promote this kind of behavior. I know this doesn't tell you what to do if you get the urge to call, but it did help me because it got rid of the urge, maybe it'll help you too. Good luck.
stillafool Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I can't do this. The ex is with another woman--cheated on me. And I want him back SO bad. He wants me to do NC--stop bothering him and in a few weeks he said MAYBE we can talk. Listen to this, do you really want to contact someone who is trying their best to get rid of you? He has told you not to call him, he is with another woman. Find your Pride and hold on to it. I swear if a guy told me what your bf said he would never, ever hear from me again. WOW--this is hurting me so much. I was supposed to leave him alone, but everyday I have a week moment and send that little "email" or "text" and feel like it will maybe spark something in him. I KNOW this is the dumbest thing in the world to do. I KNOW I shouldn't contact him. I KNOW he is a piece of crap for treating me this way. He is an assh--e. But, you are making him treat you like dirt by chasing him. By contacting him when he has told you not to is going to make him hate you. Leave him alone. But I can't resist the urges. What do I do at that very moment--where you are sitting by the phone, just about to dial the numbers or just about to send a quick text. What can I do so I can truly do NC. I feel like I am turning obsessive and into a stalker and I am not like this. He was the one who used to be SO obsessed with me--but he found someone else. When you feel the urge leave the house and go do something. Work out, hang out with friends, go to a movie, go window shopping, anything but do not call him. He is still wont admit to me he cheated etc. Tells me he is on a ski trip this weekend. He is the type of guy who can NEVER EVER be wrong. When I catch him in his lies--he gets SO mad--and tells me its my fault. What difference does it make at this point? He has broken up and is with another girl. How do I do NC? I was supposed to be doing this for 1 week and so far no luck. I need to do this for myself. The nights are the worst and the early mornings. By not calling him. Lock up your phone, whatever it takes to keep you from calling him. You are going to have to look at ways to keep yourself busy. NC is not going to be easy for a person like you but it can be done. Take it one day at a time. NC is the only thing that is going to help you get over this guy and move on to someone who is worth having. As long as you keep hanging on to hope that this loser is going to want you back, you will never get over him. He has moved on. Let him go and do the same.
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Okay--he called me this morning. We talked--he is furious I hacked into his phone--and furious I told the other girl the truth. Furious he lost control of the situation. He told me if I would have just given him what he wanted--no contact--all he wanted was a week or so...then we could have made this work. I know--look I KNOW I am being treated like dirt. I love this man though. i did terrible terrible things to--and drove him away. He said he needs time to think--clear his head. Know if he wants to be with the other person (knife in heart) he said that he probably doesnt even want her. He just doesnt know what he wants. But if I contact him again--it is over for sure. He said--just give him the space and time he needs. He said maybe in 2 weeks he will know--and miss me like crazy. He said he has never gone a day without talking to me and wants to know if he can do it. I feel like I dont have a shot. he will just call HER up. I am out of the picture--and forgotten about. That was her goal--so she could win. I know...I know...terrible. I deserve bettter. But I want him. Trust me--today is way better than yesterday. He said if he wants to see me--it will be in a month--when I can spend the entire month with him..and we will see if we can get it back. I hate doing this to myself. So now I have this DAMN hope. I need to let go of the hope because in a few weeks I could be crushed again. I know. My phone actually quit working--so It doesnt work. Plus I am sure I am blocked. I won't contact him because that way HE IS RIGHT. I want to prove him wrong--and in the end maybe I will open my eyes. okay--Day 1 (after 7 days of attempting this) is over...except for our talk this a.m. I think I can do this. But it hurts.
sedgwick Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 he is furious I hacked into his phone--and furious I told the other girl the truth. What?!?! You hacked his phone and talked to the girl he's with now? What "truth" did you tell her? Do you understand that what you did is illegal? I understand you're trying to stop, but really, this is stalking behavior. It's VERY much over the line. You have someone asking you repeatedly to stop contacting him, even telling you that if you can do so, he may want to reconcile, and you are choosing to disrespect his wishes every time he asks. That's not love, that's stalking!! I would count myself VERY lucky that he hasn't gotten a restraining order, and do whatever it takes to curtail your behavior before he gets one. It sounds like professional help is very much in order here!!!
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Let me clarify--I went to visit him---and he was on the phone with his "mom" the entire time. he kept his phone so closely guarded. I was on his computer and saw his phone account---and he had called and text her over 100 times when I was with him. Lied to me. Yes--I confronted her--I told her I was with him. He was telling her different things. Did I do the wrong thing. YES. But when you see 100 calls/text while you were sitting on the couch with him, in bed with him. That makes you mad. Am I an idiot for wanting him back--yes to that too. Trust me--I am not calling him etc. I want to--but I will not call him.
sedgwick Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Let me clarify--I went to visit him---and he was on the phone with his "mom" the entire time. he kept his phone so closely guarded. I was on his computer and saw his phone account---and he had called and text her over 100 times when I was with him. 100 times? Over how long? If the answer is anything less than 50 days, that points to some major issues! He really does sound like a complete jackass...
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 100 times over a couple days. As in while we were grocery shopping, while we were doing stuff the ENTIRE TIME. Then some kind of drama happended---the girls friend called him and told him she was with another guy--so he would get mad at her and break up with her. I guess her friend doesnt like him either. Well her friend made it up--he went ballistic--and then he called her all night while I was there. On my last night. Texting her why cant she just end it with him. So stupid of me. I am writing this down now and reading it. Just I feel so stupid...like some dumb girl. Please dont tell me again he is over me. I know I know. It is VERY hard to accept this great romance of my life (and let me tell you this man never treated me like this before...ever...he was a dream) is OVER. Okay-I did day one...on to to day two...if I can get to sleep. Part of all my venting is realization. I need to just open my eyes.
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 He called. Wants me back or atleast try. He said the 24 break really helped. He reminded me that is all he ever wanted. We had a great talk. Said he wanted to see me--maybe next week. And then in April for the entire month. Said this doesnt mean to start calling him--just let him come to me. He wants to want me--and said the way I acted the last few weeks drove him away. Said I forced things---said I should have let him end it with the other person on his terms and not force it. He would be stupid to throw our relationship away. ugh....so we said bye and I sent him him a text a couple hours later and just said thanks for the call--it ment alot. Honestly---I thought I would break NC today. I was at a coffee shop working to just get out of the house. I was shaking for hours and almost had an anxiety attack. I am so calm now. I told him no more games. no false hope. I know....I know...
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 BTW---I am still doing everything I need to. Went to gym today and talked about membership---will join when I get paid Sat. I am going out tomorrow and this weekend (I told him so he knows)...so I am still terrified he will say no. I cannot go through this anymore. period.
cdt76 Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Sorry but to me this sounds like he wants you as his on call P##$y. He is still with and talking to the other girl and doesn' t know if it's going to work out and so he is keeping you on tab just in case. That's what it sounds like to me anyway.
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