akeachi Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 well i first came on here march last year my ex dumped after 1.5 years. was heartbroken didnt think id find anyone better. 3 months later i found someone better he totally swept me off my feet took me away was handsome (like model handsome ha!) promised me the world then out of the blue dumped me just before Xmas. We since met up and began to reform then yesturday i asked him whats going on - he doesnt want a relationship. Im gutted. Ive started NC deleted everything removed him on FB. Now i feel just awful. I know in my heart of hearts i shouldnt have gone back becasue when you think about it he dumped me he took a long look at me and all my qualities and decided it wasnt good enough for him. Now i see he totally used me built me up to think that we were rebuilding (his words) then shoots me down. lovely. Problem is now i see yep hes an ******* hes no good move on. BUT i keep going back to when we first got together and how he took me out of this sad dark place. the camping trips the first 'i love you' the attention. The fact that i took my time and 'dated' rather than rush in. it was so perfect. I just dont feel like ill get that again i know ill meet someone but not as perfect as that. I just want him out of my head i wish i had never met him. How can i stop thinking about it how can i see that he is no good for me? he lied he doesnt want me. why doesnt that register in my pea brain?? HELP?!?!? xx
counterman Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 You have been through all of this already and each time it is not easy. However, you do know what it takes. Realising that he is no good and that he did lie to you is a big step in moving forward and initiating No Contact shows that you will be well on your way. I think you are romanticising the first time you got together with him and making it out to be some perfect beginning. Nothing is ever perfect and no matter how well you guys hit it off, it will ended up to where you are now. Try not to look so much at the beginning of the relationship because if you ask most people, they would say that it is "perfect" and just bliss. It is later down the track that we realise that things aren't as caught up as they were. Look at the negatives too and I'm sure if you really think about it, you will see that it wasn't going to work. Give it time. You will meet someone and it will be wonderful but not until you get over this. Focus on yourself, exercise, do the things that you always wanted to do and hang out with your friends and family. Do not contact him at all and don't respond to his contact. Take care of yourself! You'll pull through again
kwyser Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 If he promised you everything and then dumped you, then you shouldn't want to meet anyone like him, and obviously he wasn't perfect. Get him off of this pedestal you have out him on and go out and talk to new people, because there is always someone better that you can find.
jen_r Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 God, that is my biggest fear. Which is why i'll never fall for anyone as hard as I did with my *whateverheistome*, I'll never put myself through this heartache again. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. Cause I will always feel like you do "I wish I never met him".
MizzBella Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Try reading "the Rules" and "Why Men Love B****es." I have never applied the ideas in the books 100%, but they seem to work for my friends who do.
Author akeachi Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Thankyou guys! i think its tough this time because i know there isnt him at the end of the tunnel to save me from this horribleness. BUT i know i have to completely get over him MYSELF not find an upgrade to move all my baggage from the previous relationship. I spoke to my ex (the one before t his) last n ight he was great - i speak to him becasue i have NO feelings for him. i really dont and it was good for me to get a perspective on everything from his POV. He was really nice and it did help. Im still struggling with NC with my recent Ex- i mean, im not contacting him hes not contacting me but its really hard. I keep thinking of ridiculous things to call him up for. things to get a reaction. I spose that will all wear off in good time. I really need to stop being so shallow too. One of the awful things i think is that if he wasnt as goodlooking i actually wouldnt be so bummed about losing him :s Please dont shout at me for that its the first time ive properly admitted i feel like that. I also used to be a size 18 and am now an 8 so its to do with my own self esteem. The thought of another girl having him makes me feel sicky Because it makes me feel ugly even though i know im not. If i could afford councelling i so would lol!! Any suggestions on hobbies?? xx
counterman Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 No, I wouldn't have a go at you for saying that. I mean, I was bummed for when my ex broke up with me partly because I was really attracted to her, and have never been attracted to anyone else as much as I was to her. It's understandable. But, you do have to get over that. Looks fade, and you want someone who's better for you. Hobbies... reading, watching a movie, playing a sport, drawing/painting, working out, watching television, listening to music, yoga, karaoke, dancing, and I'm pretty sure there's more! Hanging out with friends!
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