DenverBachelor Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I met a professional woman tonight at a singles party and she is the daughter of the vice-president for a major business in Denver. We played Wii Bowling at a bar and I totally didn't even ask for her info and she gave me her card and told me, "Call me to hang out tomorrow." That's on top of the other two strippers I'm seeing and a girl named Mel. I'm totally healed. Woohoo! Hope everyone else is having a great V-Day! Keep those spirits high!
mickleb Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) .......... Edited February 15, 2010 by mickleb Couldn't be bothered to give DB the attention he so clearly craves.
blackbear_703 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Congrats on both meeting the ladies and getting all healed up Denver! Hope all goes well with them! Now if only I could have a similar lucky streak....
sedgwick Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I met a professional woman tonight at a singles party and she is the daughter of the vice-president for a major business in Denver. That's on top of the other two strippers I'm seeing and a girl named Mel. Honestly, your posts kind of make me ill. Who cares whose daughter she is? And do all these women know you're seeing the others? It just sounds like major player behavior to me, which is totally uncool and hurtful to those on the receiving end. Are you giving any thought at all to any of these women's emotions?
McGrupp Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) hey, alright man. im seeing a stripper right now, and some hottie i met on POF. i think a bad breakup makes you an as$h0les/player and this is a far better thing then the nice guy syndrome some of us had b4. so sorry sedge, but you can blame females for A: loving as$h0les and B: for breaking our hearts. Edited February 15, 2010 by McGrupp
GrayClouds Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I'm totally healed. Congratulations. Thought there is an concerning inference in the post that seems to draw a correlation between attracting dates and attaining healing. The ramification of rebounding before healing can adduce avoidance behavior that keeps individuals from the needed hard work of self improvement and insight. It is work that can give the silver lining of the emotional dark cloud of a break-up. I suspect it is not DB's intent to make this inference, but it is a good reminder that mantra of self focus and personal development usually trumps the results of "just get back on the horse again" rebounding when you are trying to heal. For the former leads to maturity and personal growth and the later often lead to a return to old patterns that contributed to the failure of the last relationship. I met a professional woman...That's on top of the other two strippers I'm seeing... So what are you saying DB, the strippers are just ranked amateurs?
sunrae Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 so sorry sedge, but you can blame females for A: loving as$h0les and B: for breaking our hearts. Dont forget C) Cleaning out your wallets,,,, Because thats what most strippers do... (my ex husband should know)
cdt76 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It's funny because I had some similar behavior this past weekend. GreyClouds put into words what I was feeling through it all. Though we may be able to attract women in numbers is it really what we want? I know for me it's not. I believe that I am neither ready nor willing to allow myself to feel for anyone at the current time. I can't allow myself to feel or risk being hurt so what is the point in even going out with these women? Waste of money really. So if you think you are heal simply because you can attract a number of women (2 of which are strippers, who obviously know what love is) then you my friend are mistaken.
Ms. Joolie Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Wait this is the coping section.... in that case, I'm so sorry.
GrayClouds Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 hey, alright man. im seeing a stripper right now, and some hottie i met on POF. i think a bad breakup makes you an as$h0les/player and this is a far better thing then the nice guy syndrome some of us had b4. so sorry sedge, but you can blame females for A: loving as$h0les and B: for breaking our hearts. A bad break-up makes you nothing, it give you an opportunity to choose to be a great deal of things. If you choose to be an A-hole fine but do not blame it on the break-up or any other person. Remember you can just as easily choose to be a better person from the experience; gain more confidence, learn a greater degree of self sufficiency, gain greater empathy for others, and us the experience understand behaviors that hinders your own happiness. McGrupp the opposite of a "Nice Guy" is not an "A-hole". They generally are the same person with different behavior to address the same affection. For each it a behavior over compensation for true self esteem. They are so afraid about being hurt or rejected, they use manipulation to get their needs meet. The opposite of NG/AH is the man who does not need to be anything but himself. Who can enter in a healthy and balanced relationship with someone who is their equal, who strive to get their needs through honesty and real intimacy. Regarding blaming females for breaking your heart, what makes you, or any of us, so damn specially that we should go through life on not experience disappointment. Individuals love with free will, and without that component you do eliminate disappointment but you also eliminate any real meaning love offers. Heart break is part of the equation, and things have no worth unless there is also something to lose.
kyta Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 A bad break-up makes you nothing, it give you an opportunity to choose to be a great deal of things. If you choose to be an A-hole fine but do not blame it on the break-up or any other person. Remember you can just as easily choose to be a better person from the experience; gain more confidence, learn a greater degree of self sufficiency, gain greater empathy for others, and us the experience understand behaviors that hinders your own happiness. McGrupp the opposite of a "Nice Guy" is not an "A-hole". They generally are the same person with different behavior to address the same affection. For each it a behavior over compensation for true self esteem. They are so afraid about being hurt or rejected, they use manipulation to get their needs meet. The opposite of NG/AH is the man who does not need to be anything but himself. Who can enter in a healthy and balanced relationship with someone who is their equal, who strive to get their needs through honesty and real intimacy. Regarding blaming females for breaking your heart, what makes you, or any of us, so damn specially that we should go through life on not experience disappointment. Individuals love with free will, and without that component you do eliminate disappointment but you also eliminate any real meaning love offers. Heart break is part of the equation, and things have no worth unless there is also something to lose. Had to bump it, some one with an intelligent post, that gives some belief in people that can make a difference to life, if only all people on this planet could open there eyes, heart, and soul, this web site would be empty, every one has feeling, and these feelings change, but everyone has a rite to chose what they wish to do with there life, if we choose to take a partner, then we must except that life will change, it never stops, so we must all except that loss and pain may come, its living that experience that makes us who we are, none of us are without blame in some way, show me a perfect person and ill name them god! i dont blame my x for her mistakes, i thank her for showing me that im still alive, and i do have hurt inside, im not healed, but its part of life, we cant make anyone love or be with who they feel thay cant be, live and let live, live our own life, for us.
Odyssey Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 hey, alright man. im seeing a stripper right now, and some hottie i met on POF. i think a bad breakup makes you an as$h0les/player and this is a far better thing then the nice guy syndrome some of us had b4. so sorry sedge, but you can blame females for A: loving as$h0les and B: for breaking our hearts. Hey G. there are too many a-holes in this world already...don't be one of 'em. Actually don't be an a-hole or a 'nice guy'. Be yourself... express yourself, and have faith in yourself. Don't go out duplicating another personality man. If it wasn’t for the pain we've experienced yesterday, we would not be who we are today. But remember...tomorrow is what we make it.
EricaH329 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Denver! I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better!! But I do have to agree with GrayClouds on this one. Not to ruin your great time, but I have a feeling this all might be just a facade. A short time ago, you were telling us how this break up is effecting you. You were still hurt and upset over it. Now I totally get the need to feel the comfort you have been longing for, but until you are fully healed it will never be a healthy relationship, for yourself or the other person involved. I know it might feel as though you are healed, but imagine if you didn't have these women in your life. Do you know how you would be feeling now? Not very good, probably still hurt. The happiness you are experiencing now is caused by other people, as opposed to originating from yourself. The stage you are going through now, is basically a form of repression. You are respressing your sad and hurt feelings, to make room for feeling good and happy again. And while it may feel wonderful now, it'll only last so long until those repressed emotions come back full force. I think that you should try working through the sadness and hurt before you allow yourself to be happy with another human being. The damage this will cause in the long run is not worth it. As happy as I am that you are feeling great right now (i'm truly glad), there is this nagging feeling that I have telling me that this isn't something that's healthy. I really don't mean to bring you down, I just want you to realize what will end up happening if this continues. I truly wish you the best Denver. You are a smart man, you'll figure something out.
Author DenverBachelor Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 The stage you are going through now, is basically a form of repression. You are respressing your sad and hurt feelings, to make room for feeling good and happy again. And while it may feel wonderful now, it'll only last so long until those repressed emotions come back full force.. Well I am not sure I totally agree with this because I haven't been avoiding the pain at all. I've gone through all the motions and I've done my time crying alone in the corner of my new apartment during the first month of the breakup. It just feels good to finally get back into the world and realize there is still so much going on besides wanting to feel bad about things. I think that acceptance came when I realized that I had made some mistakes in my past relationship that eventually helped to end it. She made mistakes, too -- but ultimately you can't put the blame for your life in everyone else's lap. I'm sure in a month or two I will slide back out of the party phase and come back down to Earth. I don't think it will involve me crashing back down, though.
EricaH329 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Well I am not sure I totally agree with this because I haven't been avoiding the pain at all. I've gone through all the motions and I've done my time crying alone in the corner of my new apartment during the first month of the breakup. It just feels good to finally get back into the world and realize there is still so much going on besides wanting to feel bad about things. I think that acceptance came when I realized that I had made some mistakes in my past relationship that eventually helped to end it. She made mistakes, too -- but ultimately you can't put the blame for your life in everyone else's lap. I'm sure in a month or two I will slide back out of the party phase and come back down to Earth. I don't think it will involve me crashing back down, though. Oh you are absolutely right. Going out and experiencing different things will most certainly help you realize there is more out there than just feeling sad or upset. Which is GREAT!!! I did that after my bf and I broke up for the first and second time, and it helped a great deal!! The only difference, however, is that it shouldn't come at the expense of others. Experiencing things for yourself is wonderful and a great tool to help the healing process, but once you begin thinking about dating again... well that's when things get a bit sticky. I'll explain. During the past 4 months, my bf and I had been broken up. I went out, met a lot of new people, partied, worked my butt off... had a great time! I felt like I was truly happy again. I decided that I was in the safe zone to begin dating again. I started dating a wonderful, wonderful man. He couldn't have been any more perfect. The first couple of weeks were great! I felt like I was fully healed and was expecting a new relationship to form. Unfortunately, to my dismay, a couple of weeks later I realized that I was in no position to be dating anyone. I would have these constant dreams which represented repression. I took some time for myself to reflect and try to understand what went wrong. I came to the conclusion that while I was out having fun for myself, I was happy. For myself. Because of myself. And the experiences I was so lucky to have, for myself. The minute another person came into the picture, I thought everything was great. But, it wasn't. Because at that point I was giving something to someone that I was incapable of giving. Because that wasn't something I had to give away. I hope this makes sense to you. Emotions are extremely tricky, and can be deceiving at times. I just want you to be 100% positive you are ready, and willing to fully open yourself up again and move towards something that could possibly end up being serious.
sedgwick Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 A bad break-up makes you nothing, it give you an opportunity to choose to be a great deal of things. If you choose to be an A-hole fine but do not blame it on the break-up or any other person. McGrupp the opposite of a "Nice Guy" is not an "A-hole". AMEN!!!!!! I *hate* the whole, "But women LOVE assh*les!" thing. Yeah, I fell for some when I was in my teens/early 20s, but at 38, there is NOTHING that impresses me less. I just feel sorry for them and walk away. It's like, "You're an adult, and you still act like this?" It just comes off as totally pathetic. And being a "nice guy" doesn't mean being a doormat, it means having compassion for other human beings and genuinely caring about their thoughts and emotions. Give me a guy like that ANY day!!!! DB, I wish you would answer my question about whether you realize or care about the ramifications of your behavior on other people's lives. And by the way, I feel so sad when I see everyone lumping "strippers" into a single category of person, like if you take that job you're automatically a lesser human being. My ex-gf stripped to put herself through a PhD program at Columbia and is now a published author and the director of a museum here in NYC. Another friend stripped until she could open her own art gallery, and now makes money hand over fist doing what she loves and helping other artists get their big break. These are two VERY smart and cool women. They are not now, nor were they ever, seedy crackwhores. So should everyone they dated when they were stripping have had license to treat them like an assh*le, simply because they took the only job that would help them earn enough money to achieve their dreams?
McGrupp Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) ugh. its like the guy comes on here to brag how good hes doing and i just like captain bring down and the gang come in and say "youve not properly healed and blah blah blah" listen im tired of pouting and pining and coming and here and hearing your so strong. this place is no good. seriously its good at first but to hang out here and bask in the misery is bad news and some dude comes on here and says how hard he rocking out and its like no your not ready. no because hes chiln with strippers? because some ******* player hurt you? well guess what THAT ******* player is probably pretty happy with his life right now and NOT THINKING OR POSTING ABOUT YOU ON SOME MESSAGE BOARD. sorry but our exes have moved the **** on and so should we and it looks like denver is doing that Edited February 16, 2010 by McGrupp
madrugada Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Wow, this is getting heated. Not trying to stir the pot or anything, but I dated a stripper a few years ago and it was pretty amazing. And I have the utmost respect for her. She put herself through school raising kids on her own. She is now a teacher. Cue the music.
teanoranges Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Since I'm a female, I figured I'd throw in on the lady's side for the a-hole topic. I personally go for confident guys, and its easier to accidently end up with an a-hole that way. But truly, its confidence that's attractive. A confident nice guy, because there's a difference between a pompous a-hole, an insecure 'beggar', and a man.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Good for you Denver. Life is short, and the happy moments are even shorter. Live it up.
sedgwick Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) some dude comes on here and says how hard he rocking out and its like no your not ready. no because hes chiln with strippers? I take it "chiln" means "chillin'," yes? I don't care who you "chill" with, or what their profession is, they deserve to be treated with honesty, respect, and compassion. That's because they're HUMAN BEINGS. I don't think it's "rocking out" to be leading women on, or treating them better or worse depending on whether they're strippers or the daughter of some guy who has his own business. "Rocking out," to me, would be working hard to become a truly self-actualized person who has the capacity to treat others the way he would like to be treated. I don't think many of us would like to be led on by someone who was also seeing several other people, and that's what concerns me. It simply betrays a fundamental lack of respect for others. The remarks expressing concern, I believe, come not from a desire to see DB mope around like the rest of us, but from a belief that treating others with kindness is important. Edited February 16, 2010 by sedgwick
McGrupp Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 i dont think there is any problem hanging out with multiple women if you are honest with them thhat you are not exclusive to them. most women understand this and find it somewhat more attractive because the man is desired and actually somewhat of a challenge...
sedgwick Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 i dont think there is any problem hanging out with multiple women if you are honest with them thhat you are not exclusive to them. Right, and that's what I keep asking DB if he's doing, but unfortunately I'm not getting an answer. most women understand this and find it somewhat more attractive because the man is desired and actually somewhat of a challenge... Really? It just makes me wonder what he's trying to prove. I figure he's got too much going on already, and I don't want to be one of his posse, so I walk away. I'd rather be with someone who can focus on me and not need a stable of women to boost his ego!
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