SoulStorm Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 As far as what the future holds, I don't really know. The divorce is going through, no reconciliation. My primary focus is on my children, figuring out what the purpose of my life is to be now. I have destroyed lives, ruined friendships, confused many people that thought they knew me. Before I had an affair, I never understood how a person could do this to another person. I could not get my thoughts around it. I never thought I was this person. I do not like myself for what I've done, nor do I condone any of my behaviors. I do not think my affair will ever leave his wife, I never did. Sometimes, I'm not even sure that would be what I would want any way. It's easy to call someone that has had an affair selfish, because a lot of their actions are based in that. However, it doesn't mean they are bad people. To group everyone that has had an affair into one category is unfair, there are many intricate elements involved with everyone's story. It is never okay to hurt someone in this way, ever. What you do to that person is life changing, you are hurting someone beyond reason, in a way you will never understand. That's where selfishness comes into play. My advice would be this to anyone even considering having an affair,,,, Don't do it, if you are unhappy, either get counseling, or get out! I can blame my soon to be ex for a lot of things, but he did not force me to be with another man. That was a choice of my own, and I will deserve whatever happens to me from this point on. When you're having an affair, you foolishly think you are in control, well, that is a joke, you can't control chaos, only possibly slow down the spiral of your life going down the toilet. If you're having an affair now, just because you can justify it in order to continue it, it is not justifiable. You're hurting people, and they don't even know it yet. You're lying, you're going to hurt people and yourself. The anguish you feel when you know you've hurt the people that matter most, is not worth the brief time you are with that person. The look of guilt is in your eyes, they see it, they know it, you're a fool to think otherwise. Stop it now.......tell the truth, get counseling if you both want to work it out. If not, stop what you are doing and get help for yourself, I had actually thought of at one point to tell my husband that I had feelings for another man, I thought it would be easier to tell the truth and deal with the consequences. I wish that I had. It would have hurt, but not like this...... Truth is always better, no matter what. Lying only makes you a liar, you're not protecting anyone by doing that, you're only avoiding the eventual imploding of your life. You are a very dangerous person right now. Know why? You know all the ins and outs about infidelity and how it is a devastating situation for the ones you betrayed. You can say all the things a remorseful wayward can say and I believe you may even feel it, but you refuse to stop hurting people. Every time you contact your boss you are virtually twisting the knife of infidelity in your kids, your soon to be ex husband (not that he cares at this point) and most of all the boss's wife. I know I know, you can come back with a clever response about how you know all this, but you don't, you really don't. if you did you would stop talking to your boss, get another job and quit blatantly disrespecting his wife. Your remorseful woe seems to be only for you, true remorse causes you to do what's really true.
fooled once Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Obviously you don't feel as bad as you are saying because if you did, you would end the affair, and start the healing for your KIDS. If you love your kids as much as you say you do, then prove it. You say the affair isn't going anywhere. So end it. Get some respect back. Start to earn trust again. Or are you more worried about the next time you can have sex with the married guy? And you are blaming your H by saying he is a member of a website -- SO WHAT? YOU have been screwing your former boss. YOU are saying you are in love with him. So is your H suppose to sit by while you get your rocks off? Is he not allowed to have some fun now that he is ending the marriage? Is he suppose to just be alone? And what did you do to communicate in your marriage? Did you see issues and tell your H you wanted to go to marriage counseling? Did you and he go to a therapist regarding parenting? What did you do for the good of the marriage - beside pursue your boss?
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