LDR Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Didn't read all the pages on the topic, but I actually broke up with a guy because of this. He fell asleep w/out brushing. We had a lot of fights because of that and I stopped giving him passionate kisses. . . just little "pecks" He didn't have bad breath, and his teeth didn't looked messed up, but eventually they will. . . I was so grossed out when I found out!
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 My boyfriend doesn't even like it if I have hair on my hoohaa let alone not wash it, although his can be like a forrest down there. But the thing is I don't like hair on my hoohaa either and I don't mind him having hair. But I also do it because I want him to be happy. Hmmm... He has a new toothbrush which he only uses for when he's on holiday. He has floss too but he doesnt use it. I'm going to hope that given our argument he will change his habit, although I highly doubt it because he doesn't think its wrong and will probably only do it if I remind him before he gets into bed. Oh well he knows how I feel about it and if he wants to waste heaps of money on getting fillings all the time, or wants his teeth to rot away or to get gum disease - not my problem. Imagine if we ever have children though, its not a very good example to be setting.
LDR Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Old habits are hard to break, so I don't think your boyfriend will change. He might do it when you are with him, but when you are not watching he will be back to his old self again. If he knows how important it is for you, he should make an effort. . . but I don't think it will last long tbh. The question is, can you be with him like that?
bluestraps Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I need to do better myself ,but three times aday, is good In fact if you feel like you need to brush them you should. I dont know why some people dont brush like they should.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Nice teeth and fresh breath is such a big turn on for me. I don't understand why he is upset about brushing twice a day. He should listen to you.
angelaM Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Please note that I didn't use the word 'love' but the word 'care'. Therefore, he cannot say that if I "cared" about him I wouldn't care about his brushing habits because that does not make any sense. He doesn't have an opposing argument. Sorry, my mistake on the language. But there would still be a flip side IF it continued to be an issue between you. To you, his brushing more often would be an indication that he cared enough about how it made you feel to do things differently. To him, your respecting that his habits are different from yours would be an indication that you cared enough to not make it an issue. There are always two sides.
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Old habits are hard to break, so I don't think your boyfriend will change. He might do it when you are with him, but when you are not watching he will be back to his old self again. If he knows how important it is for you, he should make an effort. . . but I don't think it will last long tbh. The question is, can you be with him like that? I've been with him for 2 years and during that time I noticed that he brushed twice a day when I was with him although lots of times I would remind him first but he never made an issue out of it. Now all of a sudden it seems this happense. He's been on holidays quite a lot over Dec until now and I haven't seen him as much. Then the other day when I reminded him, he refused and said that he used to always only brush once a day before he met me, no-one else has had a problem with it (referring to his exes who have awful teeth themselves, i've seen photos), why am i making a big deal out of such a small issue, i'm too pedantic, quit judging him, etc... I love him and he has a lot of good qualities so I don't want to break up with him over it. Lots of people have gross habits that I'm not going to like and I probably do to so its not a deal breaker. There's no such thing as perfect but he comes pretty close in my eyes. He always calls when he says he would, he would never ever cheat on me, he's there for me when I need him the most and I can rely on him 100%. We get along great together, he cleans up after himself, cooks for himself, has a good job, is really intelligent, a real boys boy like knows how to fix cars, etc. And the best thing is he think i'm perfect, he accepts me for me and does not try to change me. Sorry but it feels good to write out all the pros when people are questioning whether I should be with him or not.
counterman Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Yeah, I would think that brushing twice a day is pretty reasonable. I floss at night as well and change my toothbrush every 3 to 6 months.
Trimmer Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 As I was brushing my teeth tonight (yes, for at least the second time today...) I was thinking about this some more. ...I was reacting how I was because I care about him, I want him to have nice teeth when he's older and not spend heaps of money on dental care.... I don't know, I don't really buy the idea that you were just altruistically looking out for his best interests... From all your comments before, it was very much about you - your reaction to it, and how you were disgusted by it, etc.: ...if he cared about me then he would brush his teeth. ... mainly because his habit is different to mine.... Also, because I feel like he doesn't care enough to want to impress me anymore. I got upset because it felt like ... it was telling me that he didn't want to impress me anymore or didn't care about making me happy by doing just a simple thing.... I still think its gross... I told him it was disgusting that he didnt want to brush his teeth.... if he cared about me than he would want to make that little effort Look, if it's all about how it makes you feel, then fine, but at least be honest with yourself and don't try to trot out the altruistic "I just want him to have nice teeth when he gets older" stuff. Don't fool yourself - this is primarily about how it makes you feel - your "ick" factor. And incidentally, given that you guys seemed to work it out, and he has been at least partly responsive, you've got a nice positive attitude here: I'm going to hope that given our argument he will change his habit, although I highly doubt it... I didn't spend last night with him so I am not sure if he has changed his habit but I doubt it. Nothing like a self-fulfilling prophesy... So just to reiterate: I agree with brushing twice & flossing every day. But there's just something in your dynamic around this issue that sounds a worrisome tone for me.
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Trimmer: Yes it was mostly because of how it makes me feel but the underlying reason is because I care about him as well.. Its a mixture of both. I am seeing him tomorrow night so I will wait and see what happens. Can you please be specific about what worries you about my dynamic? It would be appreciated
and.then.some Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 His exes didn't have a problem with it? Quit judging him? You feel he doesn't care about impressing you anymore? Somehow, I don't think the issue is with his teeth. Just from the sound of it (and pardon me if I'm assuming too much here), but you're both making one another feel a bit insecure. I don't know if he responded so harshly because he was feeling generally nagged or disapproved of by you.... or what. Brushing your teeth is important... but men want to be men. He knows how you feel about the issue. Trust him to be a grown man about whatever he does and make his own decisions. Give your opinions on a matter and let it go. If it's seriously a deal breaker for you, then let him know. Making him feel judged and as if you disapprove of him will easily put a guy on the defensive... or offensive. You fought, but he brushed them for you! So, lol this careful watching of the tooth brushing seems more like a test of devotion than a concern for his teeth. Is there something else going on in the relationship that's making you feel like he's starting to care less? When people get comfortable around one another, they become more... themselves. Don't confuse comfort with lack of concern for you. But don't over look any honest lack of concern either. Doing everything you say just to impress you is not the way healthy relationships work. He has to feel free to be himself. You have to feel he's giving you enough assurance overall, and communicate clearly how you need that. "You know how you'd feel if I stopped shaving down there? That's how I feel about you no longer brushing your teeth." Maybe not in those exact words, but you get the idea. Best wishes.
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 His exes didn't have a problem with it? Quit judging him? You feel he doesn't care about impressing you anymore? Somehow, I don't think the issue is with his teeth. Just from the sound of it (and pardon me if I'm assuming too much here), but you're both making one another feel a bit insecure. I don't know if he responded so harshly because he was feeling generally nagged or disapproved of by you.... or what. Brushing your teeth is important... but men want to be men. He knows how you feel about the issue. Trust him to be a grown man about whatever he does and make his own decisions. Give your opinions on a matter and let it go. If it's seriously a deal breaker for you, then let him know. Making him feel judged and as if you disapprove of him will easily put a guy on the defensive... or offensive. You fought, but he brushed them for you! So, lol this careful watching of the tooth brushing seems more like a test of devotion than a concern for his teeth. Is there something else going on in the relationship that's making you feel like he's starting to care less? When people get comfortable around one another, they become more... themselves. Don't confuse comfort with lack of concern for you. But don't over look any honest lack of concern either. Doing everything you say just to impress you is not the way healthy relationships work. He has to feel free to be himself. You have to feel he's giving you enough assurance overall, and communicate clearly how you need that. "You know how you'd feel if I stopped shaving down there? That's how I feel about you no longer brushing your teeth." Maybe not in those exact words, but you get the idea. Best wishes. Thanks heaps for replying, you definitely make a lot of sense and I think you hit the nail on the head. We are in the comfortable stage of our relationship but I know that we both love and care about each other still. I think I have fairly high standards but I don't want him to feel that I am disapproving of him. I don't mean to make him feel insecure but I probably do so due to my own insecurities which have nothing to do with him. He always tries to build my confidence and make me feel secure and gives me heaps of assurances. I just need to remember that.. I think I have made my point to him so he can make his own decision like you said and I'm going to just let it go. If however, I can't help myself, I might use your quote about my hair down there. Thanks
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