Author Britney23 Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Enough of the stereotypes please!!! I'm half-british so I know that there's no truth in it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
harmfulsweetz Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Erm, I'm British so can people stop throwing around the British excuse please? I brush my teeth twice a day, floss and mouthwash, and I don't know many people that only brush once a month..... It's your issue. Personally, as long as his breath smells fine, I wouldn't care. However, if he chooses a time of day to only brush once, it should be night. Then he can remove all of the built up plaque (sp?) from his teeth, provided he does it all properly, it's fine. i.e. floss, brush for three mins, and rinse.
Trimmer Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I think there's more going on here than meets the eye. (I usually do...) Let's do a quick recap: He brushed his teeth anyway and we said we loved each other and went to sleep. The next night he brushed his teeth without me asking... OK, so you brought up your issue, and he changed to accommodate you, to the point of remembering, and taking the initiative and doing it himself the next night. But then: That's the thing, I don't know if I can let it go. There are a lot worse guys out there and he has lots of great qualities so I don't want to break up with him over it. I wish he would just want to do it though without me asking. How do I get him to do that? So let me understand: he actually changed his habit at your request, and you're still not sure you can "let it go", and are talking in terms of breaking up over it, because of what? He changed his habit, but the reason he changed it wasn't good enough for you? Look, I agree with the value of brushing more than once per day - I'm not taking issue with that. What I'm seeing is that you asked him to change something, and he did change it and took the initiative to maintain that change (at least so far...) and yet you are still having trouble getting over it. I think that warrants some self-examination, beyond just "how many times should you brush your teeth in a day?"
Author Britney23 Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I think there's more going on here than meets the eye. (I usually do...) Let's do a quick recap: OK, so you brought up your issue, and he changed to accommodate you, to the point of remembering, and taking the initiative and doing it himself the next night. But then: So let me understand: he actually changed his habit at your request, and you're still not sure you can "let it go", and are talking in terms of breaking up over it, because of what? He changed his habit, but the reason he changed it wasn't good enough for you? Look, I agree with the value of brushing more than once per day - I'm not taking issue with that. What I'm seeing is that you asked him to change something, and he did change it and took the initiative to maintain that change (at least so far...) and yet you are still having trouble getting over it. I think that warrants some self-examination, beyond just "how many times should you brush your teeth in a day?" I meant "let it go" in terms of him only brushing his teeth once a day. I don't know if I can just ignore it but I don't want to be a nag and have to remind him about it every night either.. In fact in the quote you highlighted I said I did not want to break up with him over this. I honestly just wanted to know if I was being ridiculous and brushing once a day isn't that bad depending on what people hear said, because thats what he wanted me to believe.
Chitowngirl Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 How often is normal/acceptable? My boyfriend and I got into an argument about this because he thinks its perfectly fine to only brush his teeth once a day, in the morning. I brush my teeth twice a day, morning and night. I told him it was disgusting that he didnt want to brush his teeth after everything he had ate that day. I told him that I would go home unless he brushed his teeth. By the way, he has had the same toothbrush for the past 2 years that I've been with him. I got told that I was being a nag and ridiculous, etc. And he told me that I should just go home if I was going to make a big deal out of something so small and that I ruined our perfect day together. I just cried and said sorry, I didn't mean to ruin everything. I just felt that if he cared about me than he would want to make that little effort that to me is just basic hygiene and I shouldnt even have to ask. He brushed his teeth anyway and we said we loved each other and went to sleep. The next night he brushed his teeth without me asking... But can you please just tell me if I should just relax and be happy that he does it once a day or do I have a right to be repulsed by this? Thanks LOLOL --- oh to be 20 again...what are you gonna do when the real deep relationship **** happens?
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Brushing your teeth isn't just removing thr plaque from the teeth, it is about cleaning and removing the bacteria from around the tooth and gumline and removing from under the gumlines so pockets don't form. That is what flossing does, by breaking up the bacteria it pulls it out so that it can be removed with the brushing. Brushing more than 2-3 times a day is also harmful to the gums and can lead to recession of the gums.. I brush twice a day and floss once day, Your brush should be soft and remember that that you need to brush your gums too as well as use Listerine. and a new brush every 4-6 months. As far as the OP... Does he go to the dentist ? A person's dental hygiene is a pretty impotant part of a relationship since you kiss the other person..
bayouboi Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I try to brush my teeth after every major meal, otherwise my mouth feels icky. So 3 times/day, 2 at a minimum if I can't get home for lunch.
You'reasian Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 What's interesting is that the OP's guy has changed this minute habit and she is still concerned about it. If brushing teeth 2x per day is worth breaking up over, this young lady has alot to learn about relationships...
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Whichway - what's the difference between morning and night? Morning breath. How your breath smells at night is completely different than how it smells in the morning.
oneheart Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I think if he is pretty perfect in every other way and you haven't mentioned in your original post that it is because he has bad breath or stink or makes you sick.... Is it about brushing teeth or control? Is this a power struggle? I frankly can't believe you are talking about breaking up with someone over brushing their teeth! There is some great practical advice on how to get him to do it - but really I think you need to ask yourself why this upsets you so much. IF ONLY teeth brushing was the only problem in my relationship!!!! Crikey!
Ruby Slippers Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 That's pretty gross. Does he have horrible breath? Brushing twice a day and flossing once a day is a bare minimum. Certain conditions like periodontis and bacterial accumulation can be passed from one mouth to another. So, not only is someone with lazy dental hygiene messing up his own mouth -- he's potentially passing on his bacteria to you, too. As for her feeling dismayed that she had to ask for this, that's understandable. It's kind of like having to ask your boyfriend to wipe his own butt. Huge turnoff.
Trimmer Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I meant "let it go" in terms of him only brushing his teeth once a day. I don't know if I can just ignore it but I don't want to be a nag and have to remind him about it every night either.. I'll point out once again: he's apparently changed his habit now as a result of your dustup - and done so volunarily, as shown by him taking the initiative the next night. Yet you're still talking in the present and future tense about whether "I can just ignore it" and "have to remind him." Question: has he changed his habit? Do you still see there is a problem? In fact in the quote you highlighted I said I did not want to break up with him over this. I didn't say you "wanted to" break up; I said you were talking about it in those terms. Subtle difference perhaps: what struck me was that it was kind of like when a spouse is considering a problem, and even just mentions Divorce (even if he/she says they "don't want it.") It's like, "Where did that come from? Is this such a big problem that it even warrants bringing up the concept of Divorce?" (or breaking up?) I honestly just wanted to know if I was being ridiculous and brushing once a day isn't that bad depending on what people hear said, because thats what he wanted me to believe. As I mentioned, I don't think your oral hygiene concerns are ridiculous, in the limited scope of oral hygiene considerations. If that's all you wanted, then stop here. But I'm separating that from the interpersonal dynamic that was revealed in how you guys dealt with it - reasonable thoughts on oral hygiene, perhaps, but I'm just not sure it warrants getting into an argument, calling him disgusting, and whipping out an ultimatum and threatening to go home for the night. Some of that seems ridiculous. So when you say that he said it's ridiculous and you're just here checking to see if other people think so or not, you have to separate the two subjects: it doesn't seem ridiculous to believe that you should brush your teeth more than once per day, but it does seem like it's a discussion that shouldn't blow up into an argument, threats to leave for the night, and tears. I wonder if that's what he thought was ridiculous.
Trimmer Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 As for her feeling dismayed that she had to ask for this, that's understandable. It's kind of like having to ask your boyfriend to wipe his own butt. Huge turnoff. Well, I suppose by the "wiping your own butt" gold standard, maybe she should consider breaking up. Who knows what evil lurks...
skydiveaddict Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Well, I suppose by the "wiping your own butt" gold standard, maybe she should consider breaking up. Who knows what evil lurks... True true. What's next, unsightly, long nasal hairs?
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Brushing your teeth isn't just removing thr plaque from the teeth, it is about cleaning and removing the bacteria from around the tooth and gumline and removing from under the gumlines so pockets don't form. That is what flossing does, by breaking up the bacteria it pulls it out so that it can be removed with the brushing. Brushing more than 2-3 times a day is also harmful to the gums and can lead to recession of the gums.. I brush twice a day and floss once day, Your brush should be soft and remember that that you need to brush your gums too as well as use Listerine. and a new brush every 4-6 months. As far as the OP... Does he go to the dentist ? A person's dental hygiene is a pretty impotant part of a relationship since you kiss the other person.. Yes he goes to the dentist about every six months or so. He seems to need new fillings everytime. I've never had a filling. Its an expensive lesson to learn...
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 What's interesting is that the OP's guy has changed this minute habit and she is still concerned about it. If brushing teeth 2x per day is worth breaking up over, this young lady has alot to learn about relationships... I NEVER said its worth breaking up over! Where did I ever say that?
You'reasian Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I NEVER said its worth breaking up over! Where did I ever say that? Does this guy brush 2x a day?
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 I think if he is pretty perfect in every other way and you haven't mentioned in your original post that it is because he has bad breath or stink or makes you sick.... Is it about brushing teeth or control? Is this a power struggle? I frankly can't believe you are talking about breaking up with someone over brushing their teeth! There is some great practical advice on how to get him to do it - but really I think you need to ask yourself why this upsets you so much. IF ONLY teeth brushing was the only problem in my relationship!!!! Crikey! Again, I never said I want to break up with him over this! The practical advice would be great if you could share that with me please? I got upset because it felt like if he couldnt brush his teeth when he knows that its important to me then it was telling me that he didn't want to impress me anymore or didn't care about making me happy by doing just a simple thing. Its important to me because that's how i've been brought up, I cannot go to sleep until I've brushed my teeth, I just feel so dirty and gross. I am not upset anymore. I stopped being upset as soon as he brushed his teeth, got back into bed and told me he loved me and wanted me to stay the night. If people on here said yeah "brushing your teeth once a day isn't that bad". Then I would probably never bring it up again, I just wanted to know what was normal. I've talked to some of my friends and some people only brush once a day or don't brush on weekends. I still think its gross but maybe I am being pedantic about it.
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 That's pretty gross. Does he have horrible breath? Brushing twice a day and flossing once a day is a bare minimum. Certain conditions like periodontis and bacterial accumulation can be passed from one mouth to another. So, not only is someone with lazy dental hygiene messing up his own mouth -- he's potentially passing on his bacteria to you, too. As for her feeling dismayed that she had to ask for this, that's understandable. It's kind of like having to ask your boyfriend to wipe his own butt. Huge turnoff. No he doesn't have horrible breath, he has breath mints.. I agree, obviously not wiping his butt is pretty extreme but its the same thing. I shouldn't have to ask, its just basic hygiene.
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Does this guy brush 2x a day? No, he has being brought up to think that brushing your teeth once a day is normal and people who brush your teeth twice a day are pedantic.
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 I'll point out once again: he's apparently changed his habit now as a result of your dustup - and done so volunarily, as shown by him taking the initiative the next night. Yet you're still talking in the present and future tense about whether "I can just ignore it" and "have to remind him." Question: has he changed his habit? Do you still see there is a problem? I didn't say you "wanted to" break up; I said you were talking about it in those terms. Subtle difference perhaps: what struck me was that it was kind of like when a spouse is considering a problem, and even just mentions Divorce (even if he/she says they "don't want it.") It's like, "Where did that come from? Is this such a big problem that it even warrants bringing up the concept of Divorce?" (or breaking up?) As I mentioned, I don't think your oral hygiene concerns are ridiculous, in the limited scope of oral hygiene considerations. If that's all you wanted, then stop here. But I'm separating that from the interpersonal dynamic that was revealed in how you guys dealt with it - reasonable thoughts on oral hygiene, perhaps, but I'm just not sure it warrants getting into an argument, calling him disgusting, and whipping out an ultimatum and threatening to go home for the night. Some of that seems ridiculous. So when you say that he said it's ridiculous and you're just here checking to see if other people think so or not, you have to separate the two subjects: it doesn't seem ridiculous to believe that you should brush your teeth more than once per day, but it does seem like it's a discussion that shouldn't blow up into an argument, threats to leave for the night, and tears. I wonder if that's what he thought was ridiculous. I didn't spend last night with him so I am not sure if he has changed his habit but I doubt it. He may brush on the nights that I am at his house though, which is good. The only reason I brought up not wanting to break up with him is because someone asked me if this was a deal breaker for me. I never brought it up with him or in my OP. Yeah you're exactly right, he thought my behaviour was ridiculous. I said I was sorry and that I wish I wasn't like that but it really bothered me at the time. Mainly because I just got it in my head that if he cared about me then he would brush his teeth. But like he said 'not everythings about me and I shouldnt think like that because he does care about me.' But I was reacting how I was because I care about him, I want him to have nice teeth when he's older and not spend heaps of money on dental care. But maybe I should just not care what he does, its his teeth. I'm not his mother so I'm going to stop treating him like a child and not care anymore. Is that a better approach?
Hot Carl Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'm on Britney's side. Twice a day is important. Like Art described. It would bother me if my sweetheart didn't share that little value.
angelaM Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 But maybe I should just not care what he does, its his teeth. I'm not his mother so I'm going to stop treating him like a child and not care anymore. Is that a better approach? I think this is a better approach. The thing about the "if he loved me, he would..." argument is that there is always a flip side. He could say that if you loved him, you wouldn't care about his brushing habits.
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Funny thing is though that if Britney23 never washed her hoohaa you can damn well bet that he would say something to her about it and there are tons of threads on LS that back that type of statement up.. I really don't think someone is being someone's mother by asking they have good hygiene.. Although you have to know what battles to pick a fight with and if him not brushing his teeth you can live with then.. oh well...time to just forget about it... At the very least buy him a nice new soft brush and some floss..
Author Britney23 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 I think this is a better approach. The thing about the "if he loved me, he would..." argument is that there is always a flip side. He could say that if you loved him, you wouldn't care about his brushing habits. Ok I will do this then. Please note that I didn't use the word 'love' but the word 'care'. Therefore, he cannot say that if I "cared" about him I wouldn't care about his brushing habits because that does not make any sense. He doesn't have an opposing argument.
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