Katherineos123 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 So Ive been dating this guy for a couple weeks now... Hes wonderful. We have a great time together, lots of laughter and fun. Im really starting to like him So, we had plans to get together last night... I went to his apartment and he had some friends over (pretty much all of his closest guy friends) we had some beers watched some movies and we all got along swimmingly! I stayed the night at his house since I had been drinking. We did sleep together, but we didnt sleep together. There was kissing and a little fooling around an we cuddled and I was thrilled. I dont plan on sleeping with him just yet, but I REALLY want to... And Im pretty damn sure he wouldnt object Is it too early on in the game to ask the exclusivity question? I dont want to scare him off. I dont necessarily want to go so far as to declare boyfriend and girlfriend just yet... but I also dont like to lay with people who are laying other people... I feel like he likes me a lot, but we're still getting to know each other... I was actually really suprised that he wanted me to meet all of his friends so early in the game, and pretty much crash what wouldve been his man party... Is this a good sign? Were supposed to get together tomorrow. What have your expiriences with this situation been like?
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I'm in the same exact boat you are, word for word. The thing is, to some people that means you're exclusive and to others it doesn't. I certainly think that you should bring it up, since it's on your mind. Let's be situation buddies. Keep us updated!
Leia Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 A couple of weeks is still too early for me and I think, some guys feel the same way too. If you're looking for something long term then my advice is to take things slow, real slow as to not get hurt later on in the process if it doesn't go the way you want it to.
tami-chan Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 "the exclusivity talk" is very weird for me...I have not really dated in like forever(tried recently and THAT flamed out..lol) and assume that if a guy likes me enough to ask me out and the feeling is mutual, then the "relationship" is automatically exclusive. Hmm...dating is a pain in the rear-end . I wish more men would respond to this thread, as I am curious how this works!
Pizzaman81 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 ...I wish more men would respond to this thread, as I am curious how this works! Alright settle down! I'm here... I've never had the exclusive talk in the past with my relationships. You just assume and out of respect that after a while being together and having sex, that'd we'd both be mature enough to know that we are exclusive. My goodness, do people need a contract to be written? If so, call me, i can draft one up... but I might charge you.
conehead Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Please pleaes do not have sex with him until you both have the talk. Some people don't need the talk to have sex, but the fact that you wrote this thread means that you're not one of these people. You'd go nutz if you have sex with him without the talk and risk dirivng him away. That being said, if it's only been a few weeks then its too soon for you to initiate the talk. Try to wait at least 3 months of dating before you consider that. Give him more time to be ready to be exclusive. Until then, don't have sex. I'm a believer in nothing beyond making out before you are exclusive. Resepct yourself.
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Thanks for the responses everyone! I know what you mean Pizzaman... I feel like there are so many t's to cross and i's to dot in the dating song and dance now a days that it all gets a little absurd at times, to be honest... Now, Im only 25 but even since I enteredthe rules have changed. And even though Im with you, and I FEEL as though it should be common curtesy to see one person out before you move onto another... In reality, it just isnt that way. The stigma is gone... Even the nicest of guys "double dip" Leia: I agree with you as well... a couple of weeks is a little early to be exclusive, but I Reaaallly wanna sleep with him... Hahaha. And Im pretty sure he does too... Im not asking him to slap the bf/gf title on things... But it might freak him out, that might be a little too close for comfort. Conehead: Thanks for responding, Ive read your advice on here before, and you always give such great stuff! I would love to say that I have the will power to wait 3 months... and I suppose Ill try but that leads to ANOTHER problem! If you give it up too early, youre a slut, hes already gotten what he wants. If you wait too long, youre a prude, he gets bored, he moves on. You cant win. Now, I completely respect and admire people who can wait until they are "official" or even to the point of marriage... tip of the cap to YOU! But, I am not one of those women, I like to test the waters to see if we are compatible in that department before I donate my effort, my time, and most importantly, my heart to that person...
tigressA Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I think that since it's on your mind, and you really want to sleep with him, you should ask him if he's interested in seeing other people, or even just volunteer that you're not seeing anyone else and see what he says. Whenever you end up having this talk, of course, if he has no desire to be exclusive then you should cut and run, because you sticking around will not make him change his mind.
Thebob Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 MAN HERE! Umm, the rules say for the women to do the exclusivity talk due to the fact that if a man brings it up, then it makes the women not as interested when shes not ready. The male is usually ready before the female due to the fact that females are more emotional creatures and like to think things through ( supposedly ) unlike men. My scenario when I did this talk: I hooked up with a girl 4 times over a 3 months period when she was back in town from school (no sex), or back from her christmas vacation trip, and texted and chatted with her 3-4 times a week for hours for 2.5 months. So the final time she came over, I sat her down and asked her what we were? are we just going to make out and touch and thats it? or do you want to try and make this work? and since we both like each other why not give it a try? and she agreed since she wont have sex unless she is in a relationship. But then I called her the next day for a date and she didnt responded and said that she was sleeping during the afternoon later that night, then the next time she didnt respond at all till 10pm saying that she was at a family dinner. So then she asked me to go shopping with her at the mall but after the shopping was over, she was acting weird and didn't want a goodbye kiss or anything. Then I went to visit her and she ignored me most of the time. So yea I think that talk kind of freaked her out and I haven't talked to her in a month now. So ya, have the women do the talk first! guys should never do it. Thebob
Awesome Username Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Men do that too though, theBob. The difference being (for the most part) that some men will sleep with a woman without it being exclusive, which messes with a woman's head when she finds out she's been used for sex. Exclusivity talk before sex is a must. By the way OP, I just invited mine to have dinner with my family since they're in town. We haven't had the exclusive talk yet either. We'll see how funny this ends up! LOL!
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 It's far too new to be bringing up exclusivity. No need to push things or introduce pressure at this stage of dating. Just play it cool and continue to get to know one another.
alphamale Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Is it too early on in the game to ask the exclusivity question? I dont want to scare him off. you can't ask for exclusivity after 14 days. you have to wait until the 3 month mark at least.
Kamille Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 you can't ask for exclusivity after 14 days. you have to wait until the 3 month mark at least. Says the guy who also said every situation is unique as recently as 30 minutes ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2658596&postcount=38 And you know what, I agree with Alpha (the one on the other thread). The bottom line is that you have to do what feels right to you. I have brought up the exclusivity talk and it's never been awkward. Most men understand, and even relate, to wanting to be exclusive with a sexual partner. BUT, exclusivity is a step towards a more serious form of relationship. For a lot of people it is, in fact, almost synonymous to being bf-gf. So take your time, get to know this guy and if you really see yourself being with him for awhile, then by all means have the exclusivity talk.
alphamale Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 So take your time, get to know this guy and if you really see yourself being with him for awhile, then by all means have the exclusivity talk. yea after a few more months
Lindarose84 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I agree with the sentiment that you do what feels best for the two of you. There are no set timelines. For some of my past relationships, we never had the talk, it was just an unspoken understanding. For my most recent relationship, we had the talk about 3 weeks after we started dating and HE was the one who brought it up. Just do what feels right in your heart....you shouldn't stifle your feelings because it might "scare him away." It's ridiculous how women have to be oh so delicate and tip toe around things grown ups should talk about like the guys are squirrels or something.
tigressA Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 BUT, exclusivity is a step towards a more serious form of relationship. For a lot of people it is, in fact, almost synonymous to being bf-gf. Wait, so it isn't usually synonymous with being bf-gf? I thought "being exclusive" meant that you were a couple, period. Hmm, interesting.
alphamale Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I thought "being exclusive" meant that you were a couple, period. Hmm, interesting. no it means you agree not to sleep w/ others...but that don't mean you're a couple
Lindarose84 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Wait, so it isn't usually synonymous with being bf-gf? I thought "being exclusive" meant that you were a couple, period. Hmm, interesting. Tigress, I'm with you on your interpretation. Never have I heard of the idea that being exclusive wasn't the same as being bf/gf.
rina_r Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I've never had the exclusive talk in the past with my relationships. You just assume and out of respect that after a while being together and having sex, that'd we'd both be mature enough to know that we are exclusive. My goodness, do people need a contract to be written? If so, call me, i can draft one up... but I might charge you. I agree with you. I have never had any exclusivity talks in any of my relationships. What a stupid thing!
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Wait, so it isn't usually synonymous with being bf-gf? I thought "being exclusive" meant that you were a couple, period. Hmm, interesting. Well, that's exactly the point. For a lot of people they are synonymous. For me, when I asked, it was more a matter of 'I don't know where this is going, I really want to sleep with you, but I'm wondering if you are dating other people'. He said "no, I'm really into you too, how about we be exclusive?". About a week or two later he asked me to be his gf. (Actually, he asked me how I was going to introduce him to my friends... And then said he would really like it if I introduce him as my bf. he's so cute). In my opinion, one kind of leads to the other, but they're not quite the same. My ex did the same thing; he asked me to be exclusive and then he asked me to be his gf (within the same few days).
Kamille Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Just do what feels right in your heart....you shouldn't stifle your feelings because it might "scare him away." It's ridiculous how women have to be oh so delicate and tip toe around things grown ups should talk about like the guys are squirrels or something. Love it. Realizing guys who scare easy will scare easy no matter what I do has saved me a lot of heartache.
Author Katherineos123 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Thanks for all the replies everyone!! Awesome Username! Meeting the fam already?! You crazy girl! he actually just left for the night. We had dinner and a movie and have another date planned for Thursday! I have such a big dumb grin on my face right now!! Haha. I know it may sound naive, but I just dont feel like in my heart of hearts that hes dating anyone else. I mean, I know I could be wrong, but hes just too much of a sweetheart.... I still would like to have clarification though before we sleep together... Hmm I think I might wait and see if he asks me.... He already had me meet his best friends... wouldnt a guy whos multidating try NOT to do that?? Bah. I dont know... I just cant get enough of this giddy feeling!
Awesome Username Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Thanks for all the replies everyone!! Awesome Username! Meeting the fam already?! You crazy girl! he actually just left for the night. We had dinner and a movie and have another date planned for Thursday! I have such a big dumb grin on my face right now!! Haha. I know it may sound naive, but I just dont feel like in my heart of hearts that hes dating anyone else. I mean, I know I could be wrong, but hes just too much of a sweetheart.... I still would like to have clarification though before we sleep together... Hmm I think I might wait and see if he asks me.... He already had me meet his best friends... wouldnt a guy whos multidating try NOT to do that?? Bah. I dont know... I just cant get enough of this giddy feeling! Yeah, the family thing almost happened but he had to finish something at work...to be honest, I'm kind of glad that he didn't meet them so soon. But I ended up going to his house afterward to pick up his friend from the airport, and spend time with him. I know mine is single, and gets ahold of me pretty often now. If you're meeting him on a Thursday for a date, and you're meeting all of his friends, it's likely that he just likes YOU. Does his facebook/myspace say single? Let us know what happens Thursday!
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