monkeynut Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) I have looked at some of the messages on this site, and it looks great. I've written a profile to use on JDate, and I'd be interested in getting your opinions on it: Throw away everything you thought about people from Carlisle. Like the rest of the world's population, I use a mobile phone, watch television, and use the internet. I don't even own a black hat! In my current job, I do a lot of flying, which is great because I love travelling. My last holiday was a visit to San Francisco, where I saw the Golden Gate Bridge, and took a ride on the famous cable cars. I am currently saving for an extended holiday to Asia. I particularly want to see the 'real' Japan - the more obscure something is, the better. I still haven't decided where I want to settle down for good, so if you know anywhere decent let me know! Due to the fact that I sometimes work irregular hours, I can't always plan a lot of evenings out, so therefore spend most of them at home. I do enjoy reading; I consider myself to be somewhat of an amateur historian - I don't have a liking for any particular period, just whatever takes my fancy. I seem to watch an unhealthy amount of TV - but I like documentaries aswell as comedy, so at least it's educational, but with a few day-time TV treats thrown in too. I also enjoy listening to radio comedies, especially "Just a Minute" and "The News Quiz". On my days off, I like to try new things, and am always on the lookout for something new to do. One thing I do like to do when I'm out is meeting up with friends for meal. My family and friends are very important to me. My friends are some of the kindest, funniest, yet strangest people who you could ever meet. I'm drawn to people who are kind, loyal and interested in the wider world If you're interested in meeting someone new and interesting, who is loyal and caring (at least that's what my friends say, but I've already warned you about them) then send me an email. And pictures (face covered for anonymity): Any comments will be greatly appreciated, thanks. Edited February 16, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed URLs Link to post Share on other sites
meerkat stew Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Your profile is well written. Suggest you involve the reader more as in "Can you imagine what it's like to fly over XYZ at dawn? Want to?" Creating an attractive cool world that you want to share and expressing the exact ways in which you will share, and things you would like your dates to share with you, is a formula for getting them interested enough to reply to your initial Email. Maybe some more humor also. Instead of saying I like XYZ, say why. Why does history fascinate you? How does your appreciation of history translate into the way you look at life? Create more emotional content rather than listing interests. It is an ad after all. Sell your product. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeynut Posted February 16, 2010 Author Share Posted February 16, 2010 Thanks for your reply/comments. I'm just to respond to some of them: Firstly, I have re-written one of the paragraphs: One thing I do like to do when I'm out is meeting up with friends for meal. My family and friends are very important to me. My friends are some of the kindest, funniest, yet strangest people who you could ever meet. I'm drawn to people who are kind, loyal, interested in the wider world, and enjoy laughing at the silly things in life. What do you think? Do you think I should remove this "I still haven't decided where I want to settle down for good, so if you know anywhere decent let me know!" line? The reason why I added it is because I live quite far from my target audience, and I'm obsessed by the fact that they may judge me for that reason. Or do you think I'm worrying too much? Are the pictures any good? How do you think I could add more humour to it? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 16, 2010 Share Posted February 16, 2010 Thanks for your reply/comments. I'm just to respond to some of them: Firstly, I have re-written one of the paragraphs: One thing I do like to do when I'm out is meeting up with friends for meal. My family and friends are very important to me. My friends are some of the kindest, funniest, yet strangest people who you could ever meet. I'm drawn to people who are kind, loyal, interested in the wider world, and enjoy laughing at the silly things in life. What do you think? Do you think I should remove this "I still haven't decided where I want to settle down for good, so if you know anywhere decent let me know!" line? The reason why I added it is because I live quite far from my target audience, and I'm obsessed by the fact that they may judge me for that reason. Or do you think I'm worrying too much? Are the pictures any good? How do you think I could add more humour to it? I think it makes you sound unstable and you are trying too hard to impress. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeynut Posted February 17, 2010 Author Share Posted February 17, 2010 Which bit does? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 I have looked at some of the messages on this site, and it looks great. I've written a profile to use on JDate, and I'd be interested in getting your opinions on it: Throw away everything you thought about people from Carlisle. Like the rest of the world's population, I use a mobile phone, watch television, and use the internet. I don't even own a black hat! In my current job, I do a lot of flying, which is great because I love travelling. My last holiday was a visit to San Francisco, where I saw the Golden Gate Bridge, and took a ride on the famous cable cars. I am currently saving for an extended holiday to Asia. I particularly want to see the 'real' Japan - the more obscure something is, the better. I still haven't decided where I want to settle down for good, so if you know anywhere decent let me know! Due to the fact that I sometimes work irregular hours, I can't always plan a lot of evenings out, so therefore spend most of them at home. I do enjoy reading; I consider myself to be somewhat of an amateur historian - I don't have a liking for any particular period, just whatever takes my fancy. I seem to watch an unhealthy amount of TV - but I like documentaries aswell as comedy, so at least it's educational, but with a few day-time TV treats thrown in too. I also enjoy listening to radio comedies, especially "Just a Minute" and "The News Quiz". On my days off, I like to try new things, and am always on the lookout for something new to do. One thing I do like to do when I'm out is meeting up with friends for meal. My family and friends are very important to me. My friends are some of the kindest, funniest, yet strangest people who you could ever meet. I'm drawn to people who are kind, loyal and interested in the wider world If you're interested in meeting someone new and interesting, who is loyal and caring (at least that's what my friends say, but I've already warned you about them) then send me an email. And pictures (face covered for anonymity): Any comments will be greatly appreciated, thanks. What's bolded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkeynut Posted February 17, 2010 Author Share Posted February 17, 2010 How would you re-write those sections? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Just leave the bolded parts out. The rest of it reads ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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