malex Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I hardly got any replies to my other thread, probably too long so ill keep this short. Its been 2 years since we split. I was in love with her, she was smart, funny, great sex life. But there was a lot of bad in the relationship. Its been a year since we last spoke and it still hurts/depresses me. Not speaking has just made me miss her more although the last time we spoke after about 3 months NC it ended coldly and me hurt so it wouldnt be wise to break it now. I have a girlfriend but still miss my ex despite how good my current gf is on paper and how bad a relationship with my ex would be in reality
curiousnycgirl Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Do you really truly miss her? Or are you missing some fantasy you've built up in your mind? why are you focussing only on the good stuff - what about the bad stuff in the relaitonship? Truth is she may be an absolutely fabulous person, but the two of you just might not work together. Do yourself, and your current g/f, a favor and move on. You may be missing out on something great by being stuck in the past and what ifs.
LostInLimbo Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Hi MaleX Im not trying to be harsh or sarcastic, because ppls feelings are at stake here, You should really go for counciling/help, nothing wrong with it, but something wrong with being depressed a year later over a relationship that ended 2 yrs ago, is this not causing any impact on your current relationship? As CNYG said, is it her you miss or something you want her to be? and think you could have made... Sorry to sound harsh, don't mean to be... LiL
Author malex Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 For the above poster. With regards to something being "wrong" after being depressed over a relationship being over 2 years ago I dont believe there is a set time frame to get over someone. I do however believe that length of time in moving on it perhaps comparitive with the amount of pain inflicted with in my case was a lot. Perhaps i am idealizing her in my head and i do have a problem with comparing my relationships and if im honest i perhaps never get to enjoy the moment because im either looking in the past or looking ahead. As for her being a good person, yes she was the thing i mention... sexy, smart, fun. She was also manipulative and at times emotionally abrasive... I guess i do need help if i want to go back to that. But i do know i loved her and I use to view love as eternal thing which is why this is so hard to give up, despite her having a kid young (we're both 23 now she had him at 19) and making poor choices with her friends and partners (me included right )
curiousnycgirl Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 But you might be missing out on sometihng absolutely fabulous with your current g/f by continuing to focus on your past. That's not fair to yourself nor your current g/f. Try to focus on what's in front of you, enjoy the moment and see where it leads you
ginyi1111 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 For the above poster. With regards to something being "wrong" after being depressed over a relationship being over 2 years ago I dont believe there is a set time frame to get over someone. I do however believe that length of time in moving on it perhaps comparitive with the amount of pain inflicted with in my case was a lot. Perhaps i am idealizing her in my head and i do have a problem with comparing my relationships and if im honest i perhaps never get to enjoy the moment because im either looking in the past or looking ahead. Could you be my ex??? He still tears up about his ex now even though they have broken up for 2 years. Yes you are right there is no time frame to get over someone. You can take as long as you need to get over her but you have no business having a gf and leading her on with your non-exixtent feelings. Because in the end you will end up hurting your current gf too when she realizes that even though you are with her, your heart belongs to someone else.
Author malex Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 (edited) this is too much for me. the dreams, fantasies, and constant reliving and anticipating when we may next bump into each other all hurts too much. im posting this after waking up mid sleep from a dream of us reuniting after i break NC but itll never happen. this sucks and youre right i got into another relationship far too soon. These feelings are on and off and sometimes i feel i truly have moved on but i snap back to this. After wee broke up for a while she tried hard to be back with me but i didnt cave. And now the last tie we spoke and i broke NC i got a very cold email back saying shes the happiest shes been in years, she doesnt know why im contacting her as shes made it clear nothing would ever happen between us and we could never work out... it just doesnt seem fair. after all the effort i put in surely i shouldnt be in the position of the rejected right now im craving to have a peek at her facebook but know nothing good will come of it Edited February 15, 2010 by malex
mickleb Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. There IS such a thing as a timeframe for heartbreak. No, it's not written in stone and available to view at your local library but it resides where most people place their COMMON SENSE. You have lost yours, my friend. You need to get it back. Read 'He's Scared, She's Scared' by Stephen Carter and stop the process you are putting yourself through before it gets out of control and becomes a life-pattern. And, yes, consider therapy. She was manipulative, you say - that overrides 'sexy, funny, smart' doesn't it? Stop holding onto something rotten that she has told you to let go of. If you can't do that alone, get yourself help. Simple as, really. You are about to f*ck up (are, in fact, f*cking up) your current relationship. Don't lose out (or make others do so) all the time. Take care. x
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