mr.dream merchant Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 (edited) Been single since June 10th 2009, and to this date I haven't really met/found a girl that really compliments me. I've been friendzoned a number of times, and other girls were just, for the lack of a better word, not worth my time. I don't understand it and I think my lack of success in the dating game is due to my lack of understanding for women. I don't understand the things they do. Or why they don't mean what they say half of the time. Like I said, I don't understand. I guess I'm being dumb by expecting others to be as courteous, considerate and honest as I am. Because I'm seeing a major lack of those three traits in a lot of young women. I don't think I'm unattractive at all, http://www.facebook.com/dredre8807 I go to the gym 5 days a week and work very hard on my body. I get looked at by everyone, men and women alike. I'll admit, I have not been acting on eye contact made with lovely women, or if I catch them checking me out. For the most part though, women do not approach me nor talk to me. I don't know what it is. I've toned down on the cockiness, its damn near nonexistant. But still, girls get insecure around me. Very shy. So shy its unbearable. Some write me off as a player. Or make me go to hell and back just to prove to them that I won't break their heart. They say things like "Oh you must have alot of girls after you" But honestly its not even the case! I have 0 girls after me lol, I'm so confused. Maybe I'm too nice? Some guys tell me that, then they run the "ya gotta treat them like ****" line by me. But I feel like why? Why should it come to that? If I really like a girl, why can't she appreciate that I'm a nice considerate guy? I'm not a doormat, but I'm very considerate of others. Everyone's answers all parallel to trickery and mind games, my question is, is that really what dating young lovely women has come to? And are those the steps I need to take if I want to be successful in landing a partner worth my time? btw. The "Cougar Poachin" middle name of mine is an inside joke, I'm really not into poaching cougars nor picking up older more promiscuous women for that matter. Edited February 14, 2010 by mr.dream merchant
sagetalk Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 You're finding out what men have to learn at some point in their life, being a great guy will not get you women. Even if you have the looks, personality, job, there is still a great deal of work you have to put into it. For some unknown reason, other than my belief that Satan himself hates women passionately, many women love the bad guy routine. Tell them their a -insert demeaning phrase here-, they are fat, big thighs, big stomach, command them to do something crude, cheat on them, flirt with other girls while you're with them. Some women seem to eat it up like candy. But in the end, I truly believe that there is little to no joy in those fake relationships. If you want to find happiness in a relationship, treat women with respect. If she dumps you for someone else because of your niceness, you just saved yourself a world of pain. Be glad she did .
Thebob Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Man I'm in the same boat, have only had 1 girlfriend my whole life and it lasted for 2 months. Hooked up with like 6 girls, coulda been a ton more but I didn't find them attractive. I was a nice, considerate guy that liked to have a good time and that got me in to the friend zone. Once I became sick of the friend zone I started acting like a dick and girls noticed me, and acting more confident got me a hookup in a club within 10 minutes of meetin a girl but that ended up not going anywhere. Im destined to be single, cause I can't seem to find a girl who wants to have a relationship with me. I would give the girl the best I can if she was in a relationship with me and I wouldn't let her down one time. I guess our time is coming at some point, but who knows. Thebob
TheBigQuestion Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Not a big deal. I've been single since April of 2007. I've met plenty of girls, slept with a decent amount of them, but still haven't found anyone worth keeping. The one who did seem special just ended up not wanting to have anything to do with me after 3 months and started dating a friend of mine. Go figure.
BobSacamento Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I really hope when they ask if you have a million girls after you, you don't come back with: "Nope"
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I really hope when they ask if you have a million girls after you, you don't come back with: "Nope" Why? Am I supposed to make stuff up to get with a girl who interests me?
BobSacamento Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Why? Am I supposed to make stuff up to get with a girl who interests me? You don't have to answer those questions. It's better to be mysterious than honest in certain cases.
Mr White Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Dude, no shirtless pics! This thing alone will turn off the sane girls.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Ahhh you're right, it would be more mysterious And why no shirtless pics?
The Paper Knight Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Ahhh you're right, it would be more mysterious And why no shirtless pics? looks way too over confident. you seem young and handsome and should be stringing em on like beads. just be more direct with girls. don't treat them like your friends because they ARENT and they will come and go while your friends will always be there. I think someone said dont say too much - that is soooo right, remain aloof and mysterious and chicks will try and work you out and stay interested, so when they ask you a question just rebound it back to them, as they love to talk. Last one, if a girl tells you are cocky, a player or arrogant, don't deny it! praise them and tell them that you are glad that they like that. happy hunting!
and.then.some Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) Quality, not quantity. The truth is that anything of good quality is rare. VERY rare when it comes to dating these days. Don't play games. Be yourself. Being more assertive might not hurt, as some women don't like to feel as though they're being aggressive... or need to be aggressive in order to get closer to you. If you have to play games to get the woman... that means you're only going to end up with a woman who plays games. lol Some people don't know what they really want or need yet. Some people are chasing all of the wrong things. The human population seems to be maturing at a much slower rate. It may be that you need to go for a woman a couple of years older than yourself, if you feel that the maturity level of the women you're interested in isn't up to par. And... I agree. Put a shirt on, hun. If I met you at work and you told me to save you on FB... I would not take you very seriously as a guy that I might date. To me it says "looking for a bunch of ladies" "looking for attention" "looking for booty" "look at me, i think i'm sexy" "trying too hard" and so forth. You could be the greatest guy in the world, and I would still be leery based on the way you're presenting yourself to the public. Just like the girls who have pictures of their rear ends etc online... it's sending the wrong message if you're looking for love and commitment instead of casual sex with whomever. I don't believe it sends a message of over confidence. Truly confident men and women don't have to show skin in the pursuit of more attention. Even if that's not the purpose of the photo, it's the message it would send to any woman looking for a serious guy. Edited February 16, 2010 by and.then.some
boogieboy Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'll admit, I have not been acting on eye contact made with lovely women, or if I catch them checking me out. For the most part though, women do not approach me nor talk to me. I don't know what it is. I've toned down on the cockiness, its damn near nonexistant. But still, girls get insecure around me. You have to act on the eye contact. Its your job to approach them, not the other way around. With you being in your shape, alot of those women will think youre too "pretty" for them, and they will not risk rejection approaching you. Im sure youve been on this board long enough, you see the threads where the women find reasons NOT to approach the guy they like. You dont have to tone down the cockiness, just dont be abnoxious. And when they ask you questions, they dont always deserve a straight answer, give them a funny answer instead so they have to earn the real answer at some point.
meerkat stew Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 OP, you are a good looking guy, just having a dry spell. I have a hunch that what you are missing is in the "marketing" department. To attract anyone, to sell a product unknown to a customer, you have to pitch it. With women, the pitch that works for you is a matter of much experimentation. Most women like to be involved emotionally by a man via light, funny flirtation. Create a world, your world, make it seem exciting and interesting, and then invite them subtly to join you in that world. Have you tried online dating? It's great practice in this respect. You should be able to get interest with good pics, and based on some research I've read lately that someone posted here, shirtless pics are not as bad as they seem, just make them active, doing something else while being shirtless, at the beach with a sand castle, playing sports, doing any outdoor activity instead of giving the impression that you are putting your body on display.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 (edited) OP, you are a good looking guy, just having a dry spell. I have a hunch that what you are missing is in the "marketing" department. To attract anyone, to sell a product unknown to a customer, you have to pitch it. With women, the pitch that works for you is a matter of much experimentation. Most women like to be involved emotionally by a man via light, funny flirtation. Create a world, your world, make it seem exciting and interesting, and then invite them subtly to join you in that world. Have you tried online dating? It's great practice in this respect. You should be able to get interest with good pics, and based on some research I've read lately that someone posted here, shirtless pics are not as bad as they seem, just make them active, doing something else while being shirtless, at the beach with a sand castle, playing sports, doing any outdoor activity instead of giving the impression that you are putting your body on display. Yeah that definitely would be alot better. Okay so what I'm drawing from this is if they ask questions don't give them a straight answer? Lol I'm so confused. Or only the questions pertaining to other women? Okay so the shirt will be on or maybe just a pic of me on the beach. Also, about the friends thing. One girl I was really into we had great chemistry and then she disappeared for a week, came back and hit me with the let's be friends because I'm watching my mom and sister go through a divorce crap..I told her straight up that I didn't want to be her friend, it was pointless for me, she got upset and said she wants me in her life because I'm a great guy and I told her that being friends with someone I want more than friendship with is not an option. Was I too harsh? She got nexted pretty hard. Edited February 17, 2010 by mr.dream merchant
Enema Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Is that Facebook profile really you? You write well here, but on Facebook you seem like a stereotype.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 What is your height? That is what matters to women I'm 6'0" tall.
gypsy_nicky Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 OP, what demographic do you belong to and what demographic do you usually find/are interested in dating?
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 17, 2010 Author Posted February 17, 2010 OP, what demographic do you belong to and what demographic do you usually find/are interested in dating? I'm 21 years old and in college. As far as the demographic I go for, beautiful women around my age who're doing something with their lives. I don't want to be the only one bringing things to the table. Most of the less than stellar experiences have been with girls who aren't even in the demographic I shoot for, maybe this is telling me something.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 18, 2010 Author Posted February 18, 2010 Is that Facebook profile really you? You write well here, but on Facebook you seem like a stereotype. yes its really me lol. I'm iffy with my typing. If I'm trying to discuss a serious topic or get my point across well I use proper grammar, punctuation, etc..but on facebook I'm laid back. I doubt anybody would take me serious on LS if my topic title read "HAI GUYZ NEED HALP" or "ay wus good dis dre need help on the broads yo" not that I talk like that on facebook but I use a little bit of slang - its my peers :S Why would I fake my facebook profile? Do people still do that?
Thebob Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I think your problem is that your going for the girls that are 9's 10's that think they are to cool for school. There on their own hunt for a rich, model type guy and any low-life that goes up to them has no chance in hell of changing their attitude. They feel that they can be bitchy then when that high profile guy comes around, then bam he is theirs. You should start going for the 6.5's-8's that are nice and caring and would never cheat on you, and overtime you'll find them attractive due to their personality. Thebob
Kamille Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 You have to act on the eye contact. Its your job to approach them, not the other way around. With you being in your shape, alot of those women will think youre too "pretty" for them, and they will not risk rejection approaching you. Im sure youve been on this board long enough, you see the threads where the women find reasons NOT to approach the guy they like. You dont have to tone down the cockiness, just dont be abnoxious. And when they ask you questions, they dont always deserve a straight answer, give them a funny answer instead so they have to earn the real answer at some point. Once again, I agree with boogieboy. I looked at your profile and you just seem to have everything going for you. As lame as it sounds, I would have never found the courage to approach a guy like you, especially in my early twenties. I would just have assumed that 1) you knew you had it going on so therefore 2) you would approach me if you were interested. And the straight-answer thing... Have fun, you're meeting people and getting to know them, not interviewing for a job or making a deposition. Be playful. There are ways to be honest without being straight up. "you must have a million girls after you" " I don't need a million girls. One will do". (Or whatever variation works for you).
gypsy_nicky Posted February 18, 2010 Posted February 18, 2010 I'm 21 years old and in college. As far as the demographic I go for, beautiful women around my age who're doing something with their lives. I don't want to be the only one bringing things to the table. Most of the less than stellar experiences have been with girls who aren't even in the demographic I shoot for, maybe this is telling me something. thats far too general. What I'm asking is: social class, race, and religion. WHere do you belong and what do you go for?
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 21, 2010 Author Posted February 21, 2010 Social Class: Middle to Upper Class. Race: Any Religion: Any I belong in the Middle to Upper Middle Class, I'm of 4 different ethnic backgrounds, and I'm agnostic/open minded when it comes to religion. I see why some would mention going for the less attractive ones but should I really have to lower my standards? That doesn't seem right... Kamille and Boogieboy - I've taken your advice and I've been approaching them and its been working so far. Been a bit more mysterious, I try not to unveil much about myself, and make them work to get to know me - they seem to like it.
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