Lucky555 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Its v-day and i can't help but think ok so he didn't get me anything. Its been a month. However, we are intimate and some red flags are raised! We have known each other for about three years and were friends before getting together. On a day like today he knows i think its important. I didn't think it would bother me but it does. I have also been reflecting on the time i spent with him this past weekend. Here are some things i am uncomfortable about 1. Another weekend he invites me over and we are intimate and the next morning he is "super busy". I know he had things to do this past weekend...but it still was awkward and he was really distant whenever i leave as to not encourage me to stay. 2. We have been intimate and I think he could have at least called me today!!!! 3. He never calls..he talks online. (Red flag?) 4. We are exclusive but the last time i saw him it seemed like he was really distant most of the night. The positives: 1. he pays for stuff and i pay for stuff..its good 2.he shows affection when i am with him 3. he makes me laugh So any advise? I don't even feel like i can call him either and this concerns me. I don't feel like i can just pick up the phone to my current boyfriend and talk to him about anything. This is concerning too. It seems like he "portrays" himself to be busy most of the time but in fact i think its an excuse to just not have to be "truly committed" to a relationship. Advise?
D-Lish Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Don't assume he knows it's important to you- and since it's only been a month, some people in the early stages of dating might see "the day" as a bit of pressure- and choose to let it slip by. If he is still having "distant" moments- it means he isn't fully invested just yet. It's still early- perhaps he's just easing in slowly.
Author Lucky555 Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 d-lish...we have been intimate and he is still having "doubts" about being invested? Shouldn't this concern anyone? I know he is trying to tread slowly into this. I am starting to feel like it is not progressing into a relationship because we don't even talk on the phone after month?? Does this seem odd?
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 d-lish...we have been intimate and he is still having "doubts" about being invested? Shouldn't this concern anyone? I know he is trying to tread slowly into this. I am starting to feel like it is not progressing into a relationship because we don't even talk on the phone after month?? Does this seem odd? Yes, it would concern me- and if it were me, I know I'd pull way back. It doesn't surprise me that he's alright with being intimate without being fully invested though. If he's not even into talking on the phone and you can sense things aren't progressing - not wanting to do anything or give you anything on V-day shouldn't be a surprise to you either if he's still prone to acting aloof at times. But since it's only been a month- it's not unusual for a person to engage in taking things slow.
Author Lucky555 Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 "Yes, it would concern me- and if it were me, I know I'd pull way back." just what i needed. I am not in love with the guy. I like him a lot but I am being cautious as this is new. I am going to pull back. Even if he didn't get me anything today he is still acting weird which i noticed last time i saw him. Next time i talk to him I am going to bring up how he was acting weird. Also I am going to suggest we slow down. I think maybe i shouldn't be sleeping over and we can do other things during the day. I myself feel as if I don't really know him that well since i have not spent time with him physically. When i am with him we do a little bit of something and then its intimacy. THEN I GET "KICKED OUT!" He is "nice" about it but its like he got what he wanted and becomes cold. He has not even made a suggestion for dates and leaves it up to me. I don't think he is putting in much effort. I am getting the feeling it may be over as much as i wanted it to work all these factors just don't scream "I want to be in a relationship with you"
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I wouldn't bring anything up- it's showing your cards too much. I'd let your actions do the talking. Become less available and leave it at that for now.
alphamale Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I don't feel like i can just pick up the phone to my current boyfriend and talk to him about anything. he's not your "boyfriend"
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Slow it down... He obviously isn't on the deep emotional page yet and you are. Putting expectations (ie V-day) on him a month into this, probably made him feel pressured and stressed. And, that could be why he's distant and 'super busy'. He isn't putting all his eggs in one basket, meaning, you aren't the most important thing in his life, he has his friends and things he likes to do without you. Hopefully within the next couple of months you two will grow closer, but if another month passes and he's still distant, talk to him and find out if the relationship is worth continuing.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Don't talk to him quite yet. Let him set the tone in the next week or so. Let him get ahold of you. Don't bring up Vday, if he didn't get you anything, it means he wasn't ready for the 'meaning' of giving you something. Hope that makes sense. Backing off without saying anything says ALOT more than talking to him about how you feel. Trust me, he's DREADING that 'talk' as most men do so early in the relationship. Lighten it up and have fun, and put less focus on intimacy, connecting and sex, and more outside of the bedroom.
2sunny Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I wouldn't bring anything up- it's showing your cards too much. I'd let your actions do the talking. Become less available and leave it at that for now. i agree with the above but want to add - stop having sex with him... he needs to show you that he's committed to you to get that part - and he hasn't.
Author Lucky555 Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Don't talk to him quite yet. Let him set the tone in the next week or so. Let him get ahold of you. Don't bring up Vday, if he didn't get you anything, it means he wasn't ready for the 'meaning' of giving you something. Hope that makes sense. Backing off without saying anything says ALOT more than talking to him about how you feel. Trust me, he's DREADING that 'talk' as most men do so early in the relationship. Lighten it up and have fun, and put less focus on intimacy, connecting and sex, and more outside of the bedroom. I am going to do this then. I actually had the sense to tell him that i was not going to be able to see him this week. I have things to do..which i do but partly its because of his behavior. I agree we need more time spent out of the bedroom. I am feeling like this is not working for him to connect with me. The only problem is its hard to things when he is constantly surrounded by work calls! He and I can't do anything too far away from his work and all there is to do is go out to eat. Any suggestions?
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Based on your other posts about this same guy, I think you have already invested too much time in trying to figure out where you stand with this guy. I don't believe this is a relationship to him and you are only exclusive in terms of sex (I hope that is true). I'm sorry but I think it's time to give up. I suspect he may be dating, looking for a gf, and will dump you when he finds one.
Author Lucky555 Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 (edited) im getting many mixed messages from the posts! ahhh! 1. I know he is not dating anyone else. 2. He pursues me. (however, I'm going to give it two months for him to start using the phone and become more invested.) 3. We are exclusive, not dating other people. 4. When i am with him he is really attentive. 5. He doesn't mind paying for stuff and he has a good career. (we usually pay equally which is nice for a change.) 6. He doesn't like to make me upset and he wants me to be happy. HOWEVER, there are little issues which bother me. At the end of Feb it will be two months and I will see if this is worth continuing or not. Even if I end up alone I am ok with it because i rather find someone who wants a relationship like myself. No point in wasting time. Little issues are "being busy" the next day whenever i am with him. I have put this to the test and I know when he has legit plans and when he does not. I agree with posters on here that it needs to be less intimacy and doing more things to build a stronger bond. From all the guys that i have dated he is definitely different. I don't worry about him cheating on me which is nice. I don't worry about the guy not having money, I don't worry about being hungry because he always makes sure to feed me, and its the beginning and we are learning about each other. Lastly, the real big issue is the "kicking me out" which i think it comes from him being not sure about the relationship....this is why i am giving it these next couple weeks to give him time to assess how we are together and to see if he still wants to continue. IF he does then i am going to say that it doesn't seem like there is much investment from him. I get the sense he is keeping it light and needs to call me and make plans. basically give me more. Edited February 16, 2010 by Lucky555
Recommended Posts