JaneInVegas Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 We've had 2 D-day's. All 4 people are fully informed, and the other couple live about 1,000 miles away. I discovered naked pictures of her in an old filing cabinet of his, from back when he lived in Colorado and she was sneaking over to his house every night, long before he met me. But he has kept them all this time, and he kind of freaked out when I mentioned I had gone through that filing cabinet looking for file folders I could use. I'm thinking about boxing them all up and mailing them to the other spouse, to his work address so she can't get them first. Obviously, I would mark the box very clearly "Private" so I wouldn't humiliate the guy at his work. Good idea, bad idea?
jennie-jennie Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Bad idea. I kept nude photos of my old boyfriend for years. That is my private business. In your case though I guess it might mean your SO is not over the MW yet. Still, sending away his photos of her does not help him get over her. Give them back to him, and let him decide what he wants to do with them now that you know about them. If he chooses to get rid of them of his own free will, it will mean so much more.
wuggle Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I'm thinking about boxing them all up and mailing them to the other spouse, to his work address so she can't get them first. Obviously, I would mark the box very clearly "Private" so I wouldn't humiliate the guy at his work. Good idea, bad idea? Bad idea, understand the feeling & idea but let it go. Bin them, burn them, whatever. Let it go.
jennie-jennie Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 It is like with the sober alcoholic. My exSO who had at the time recently joined AA and not been sober very long, says one very important moment was when he saw my bottle of alcohol and asked if he could have it, and I said "Go ahead". Then the choice was his. This was in 1986 and he is still sober.
seren Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Why would you want to send them? I would say that I wasn't happy he had kept them (if I wasn't) what my boundaries were, and as Jennie-Jennie said, over to him.
foreal Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 We've had 2 D-day's. All 4 people are fully informed, and the other couple live about 1,000 miles away. I discovered naked pictures of her in an old filing cabinet of his, from back when he lived in Colorado and she was sneaking over to his house every night, long before he met me. But he has kept them all this time, and he kind of freaked out when I mentioned I had gone through that filing cabinet looking for file folders I could use. I'm thinking about boxing them all up and mailing them to the other spouse, to his work address so she can't get them first. Obviously, I would mark the box very clearly "Private" so I wouldn't humiliate the guy at his work. Good idea, bad idea? Send copies to HER.
1Angel Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I would burn them if I were in that situation. Don't keep the resentment or humiliation chain continuing among everyone, it rarely does any good. Living well is the very best revenge. Don't let someone else control you anymore. As long as they have power over your thoughts and actions, they get to live rent free in your mind. Don't do it. Process your feelings and let it go. You'll be happier in the long run.
Author JaneInVegas Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Give them back to him, and let him decide what he wants to do with them now that you know about them. They're actually still inside the filing cabinet, I left them exactly the way I found them. I'm still in limbo ... I'm surprised at the wide variety of answers I've received on this one!
Author JaneInVegas Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Why would you want to send them? Petty revenge is a big reason (I did mention TWO d-day's, right?) but mostly I just want to make sure her husband keeps a strong choke chain on her. I really don't think he understands, even now, how long their relationship lasted, or all the crap that woman pulled on him.
jennie-jennie Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I would burn them if I were in that situation. Don't keep the resentment or humiliation chain continuing among everyone, it rarely does any good. Living well is the very best revenge. Don't let someone else control you anymore. As long as they have power over your thoughts and actions, they get to live rent free in your mind. Don't do it. Process your feelings and let it go. You'll be happier in the long run. I must say I kind of like this suggestion.
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