mr.dream merchant Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I'm currently talking to this one girl and I found out today that she is a multidater, meaning she dates more than one guy at a time. Now me, call me old fashioned but I usually date one person at a time, its easier for me to get a feel out for that person to see whether or not they're truely compatible. I try not to judge but I can't help but see a multidater as a I dunno, for the lack of a better word, red flag. It kind of puts me off, like my gut feeling just takes off and warns me to stay away. How have other male member's experiences with female multidaters gone?
dave22 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I understand what you mean, I also can't date more than one person at a time. But some people can. The thing is, from my experience, you shouldn't expect too much to happen with her. Multi daters seem to have a hard time settling down and dating one person. I have seen it happen, but you just have to be lucky and be the right person at the right time in her life. So, if you think you can handle the likelihood that it won't work out and be willing to just relax and not take things too seriously, go for it. If you think you will get too attached, however, she may not be the one for you.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Nah I've been single for so long now and dated so many other girls I'm kind of expecting her to flake, its all I've been getting lately. I don't know why but I just take offense to the whole idea. It just seems so audacious to me. "yeah don't mind me being a gentlemen and chivalrous while you bathe in the same amount of treatment from several other guys" you know? I guess I just have too much respect for myself to even be part of that whole shabang. Its like one of those lame dating shows where its one guy/girl getting intimate with like 20 women/men to find the one for him/her. I can date multiple women, over time, but its like doing it one at a time. Treating people like they're a buffet just screams red flag to me. And I can't help but feel she probably wouldn't value said winner as much as he'd like.
Chicago_Guy Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Nah I've been single for so long now and dated so many other girls I'm kind of expecting her to flake, its all I've been getting lately. I don't know why but I just take offense to the whole idea. It just seems so audacious to me. "yeah don't mind me being a gentlemen and chivalrous while you bathe in the same amount of treatment from several other guys" you know? I guess I just have too much respect for myself to even be part of that whole shabang. Its like one of those lame dating shows where its one guy/girl getting intimate with like 20 women/men to find the one for him/her. I can date multiple women, over time, but its like doing it one at a time. Treating people like they're a buffet just screams red flag to me. And I can't help but feel she probably wouldn't value said winner as much as he'd like. It would be a huge red flag for me, although I guess that a lot of guys don't care it they don't really want a relationship with her anyway. It's total b.s. if she expects you to take her out for dinner and pick up the tab while she's dating other guys.
TheLoneSock Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Well, OP, you're not alone. Personally I don't date multi-daters, period. It's bad for your health, in more ways than one. If I'm into a girl but I find out she is 'dating around' or 'mingling' with multiple dudes at once, it raises red flags like crazy and drives me away for good. Delete her number and find a girl who doesn't need that kind of attention to feel validated. The male term for this kind of behavior is known as a 'Player'.
alphamale Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I'm currently talking to this one girl and I found out today that she is a multidater, meaning she dates more than one guy at a time. female multi-daters are usually gold-diggers
soulm8 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 female multi-daters are usually gold-diggers male multi-daters are usually sluts Are you serious? How can you guys have such a double standard? Plenty of people multi-date until they find the mutually exclusive connection they seek.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I don't see any problems with her multi dating. She's probably just waiting for the right guy to come along. I dated around until I found a guy I wanted to date, got into an exclusive relationship, and cut off all contact with the other guys. That said, I'm not a multi dater at heart and it was the first time I had tried it. I can't say I'll ever do it again!
SarahRose Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I think it is a good thing. How are you supposed to find the right person if you latch on to the first halfway suitable person that comes along. Those who are against it could be lazy and insecure
TheLoneSock Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Those who are against it could be lazy and insecure Yeah, because endeavoring your time and energy into one special person is so much easier than casually dating multiple people.
Art_Critic Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I've never been one to date a multidater but then again my wife was dating another guy when she and I started dating. She dropped him once she realized that we had a connection. I also have only been a one girl at a time kinda guy.. Are you afraid of competition ?.. because unless she is having sex with more than one guy that is really all it should mean to you, competition. You just need to sharpen your game so she only dates you .. Now.. if she is having sex with more than one guy.. yuck !!!
canadaman111 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I met a girl close to a month ago. We have chatted online a lot and had 2 dates now. She has told me she is talking to other guys and has seen a few others. She has told me honestly she is always scared of making the wrong decision. We had a great few first dates and I really like her. While it is a little disappointing she is talking to others I am not to concerned about it. She told me I was near the top of the list. Kind of makes it like a compitition to me and I feel i can win. Now if we get to dates 6, 7, or 8 and still there is no more commitment then i may have some red flags come up. I truly care about her and want whats best for her, and if thats me then terriffic. If not then i hope she is happy.
TheLoneSock Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 male multi-daters are usually sluts Are you serious? How can you guys have such a double standard? Plenty of people multi-date until they find the mutually exclusive connection they seek. It's not a double standard. There is a male version of this as well, which is loathed by women. It's called a Player.
Tony T Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Many, MANY, men date more than one person at a time...and sleep with more than one of those they are dating. I mean it happens ALL the time. None of these men think of it as YUK!
soulm8 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I'm currently talking to this one girl and I found out today that she is a multidater, meaning she dates more than one guy at a time. Now me, call me old fashioned but I usually date one person at a time, its easier for me to get a feel out for that person to see whether or not they're truely compatible. I try not to judge but I can't help but see a multidater as a I dunno, for the lack of a better word, red flag. It kind of puts me off, like my gut feeling just takes off and warns me to stay away. How have other male member's experiences with female multidaters gone? OP, that red flag you're feeling is nothing less than insecurity and fear of competition. Feelings which males and females have to keep under control. I can't speak for men, but women generally "multi date" because the right one hasn't had the confidence to make it known that he wants her to himself. If she's a genuine girl, she'll only continue dating those who she feels a connection with... and not play games. If you like her... why not give her a chance? Who cares if she's dating people like a healthy, normal woman should? You could very well be passing up the woman of your dreams... Multidaters whether male or female will often chew you up and spit you out with very little emotion. Some will hold onto you as long as they can until they find someone better. Irregular patterns of communication are a sign of a multdater. They are nothing more than players once it gets beyond a couple of dates with multiple people. Players often chew you up and spit you out... and have irregular patterns of communication. Sure, it'd be in your best interest to investigate how many people s/he's dating and how often... It all boils down to how effectively you can communicate and how well you're connecting.
Stockalone Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 How have other male member's experiences with female multidaters gone? I don't date multi-daters, because I can't help but feel disrespected by such behaviour. If a woman wants men to compete in her BS-games, I am sure she will find enough who want to participate. I am just not one of them. 1
meerkat stew Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I don't mind dating a woman who is seeing others, and expect the same latitude. The first several dates are "get to know you" time anyhow. If after a certain time of dating, if the woman still wants to date others (or if I do), it's likely we aren't a good match, so it all works out.
soulm8 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Multidater is just another term for player if it's more than a couple of dates. It is good to have that knowledge, but don't expect many to be honest about how many others they are dating. The irregular communication sometimes gives it away. I agree that it does boil down to communication. If more people would even attempt to communicate, this all would be a non issue. Also, players try to rush you into a sexual relationship. Multi daters tend to want to get to know you.
sally4sara Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 It's not a double standard. There is a male version of this as well, which is loathed by women. It's called a Player. Players lie. Liars can be of either gender. No need for the double standard.
JohnP82 Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 It's a red flag for me. Dating a multi dater seems too much like tryouts, except you're paying. I love competition when it comes to sports, academics, and work. However, I won't compete for a woman. Bleh...next. 1
Author mr.dream merchant Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Insecurity isn't what's holding me back. I just couldn't take her serious after she told me. Why should I have to compete over a girl? And how full of herself is she to have 3 to 4 guys in competition to get with her? What kind of prize are they going to win? Some say multidating is a perfect way to get to know what's out there for you but you can easily know if someone is compatible with you through the first 3-5 dates. And in my book, it takes at least 6 months to fully know someone's true character. All multidating is going to do is have you in an emotional spiderweb. I'm not knocking it, but multidating is just something that goes against my values, and I'd rather not be involved with a girl who sees otherwise. I mean, lol, what would I want with a girl who's going to treat guys like she's shopping in the produce section at Publix? That also tells me that she's able to have intimate feelings for more than one guy, and that's a big no no for me. And ontop of everything else she never really told me, I had to ask to find out. She doesn't seem like a great person at all, just somebody with hidden motives out there trying to trap her an investment, not a boyfriend. Sorry Pro-Multidaters - she got nexted. 1
gypsy_nicky Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Insecurity isn't what's holding me back. I just couldn't take her serious after she told me. Why should I have to compete over a girl? And how full of herself is she to have 3 to 4 guys in competition to get with her? What kind of prize are they going to win? Some say multidating is a perfect way to get to know what's out there for you but you can easily know if someone is compatible with you through the first 3-5 dates. And in my book, it takes at least 6 months to fully know someone's true character. All multidating is going to do is have you in an emotional spiderweb. I'm not knocking it, but multidating is just something that goes against my values, and I'd rather not be involved with a girl who sees otherwise. I mean, lol, what would I want with a girl who's going to treat guys like she's shopping in the produce section at Publix? That also tells me that she's able to have intimate feelings for more than one guy, and that's a big no no for me. And ontop of everything else she never really told me, I had to ask to find out. She doesn't seem like a great person at all, just somebody with hidden motives out there trying to trap her an investment, not a boyfriend. Sorry Pro-Multidaters - she got nexted. This is true. Not insecurity. Having intimate feelings for more than one person is rare when getting into serious relationships. It is highly likely this woman is a ludic lover. Get out quick. It could also be she just really isn't into the men she's going out with. Waiting to develop feelings for one. 1
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Can someone please define multi-dating? In the past I've used Match.com to meet men. I usually only sign up for a month. I may have first dates/meetings with 3 men in a single week. Is that multi-dating? Or are you referring to a woman who "long-term" dates multiple men? If so, define long term? Do the men who don't multi-date inform the women they are dating of their position? I think most women assume men are seeing other women until the men broach the exclusivity conversation.
stillafool Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 I'm currently talking to this one girl and I found out today that she is a multidater, meaning she dates more than one guy at a time. Now me, call me old fashioned but I usually date one person at a time, its easier for me to get a feel out for that person to see whether or not they're truely compatible. I try not to judge but I can't help but see a multidater as a I dunno, for the lack of a better word, red flag. It kind of puts me off, like my gut feeling just takes off and warns me to stay away. How have other male member's experiences with female multidaters gone? Excuse me, is that you in the Avatar?
betamanlet Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Well, if you are an alpha male, you simply wouldn't care, becuase you realize you will get other women. Alphas don't get emotionally vested in women, therefore don't get hurt at all.. Every alpha I know has no problem with his women not only dating, but having sex with multiple guys. Because she's nothing but a sex partner to him.. welcome to the 21st century..
Recommended Posts