nyte Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Hey everyone.. Just wanna say i've been here reading all your posts for about a month and a half now. They really helped me get through alot and keep NC going. I really appreciate all of you, thank you. Now I need some of your opinions on what to do next. Me and my ex were together for 5 years. As every relationship, there were ups and downs but the highs were really really good. Anyway.. she started dating this new guy about a week after we broke up. It was painful but I remained in NC as I knew it was really the only way to heal. I started listening to alot of David Deangelo and really working on myself physically and mentally. Things were great... and then.. she contact me.. just like all the forums/ebooks said she would (i never believed it at the time tho). I'm not sure what to think of this. At first I figured it was just her trying to see if I was "still there as a backup". So after 6 weeks of NC we started talking on MSN again and she phoned me a few times. She is now asking me questions such as : "what would I do with the ring I gave her, and she would wanna keep it because i was a big chapter in her life" -- fine ok, i told her she can keep it cause it means nothing to me anymore. Then today, vday she sends me a text saying "happy v-day, have any big plans? Do you a cutie to spend v-day with?" -- ok what the hell, why does she want to know.. why does she keep probing for information if she is with another guy? I never responded to that text Also, a few times we were talking on msn she ended up blocking me for a few days then unblocking me and start talking to me again. I'm really not sure what to make of all this, so your opinions are greatly appreciated. Obviously, I love this girl very very much and want her back but I don't want to waste my time or drag on the pain. i will continue to improve myself and move on eventually. I've been through this before, i know time heals. But am confused because I do want a life with her if she is willing Any help deciphering this would be so awesome Thanks everyone for such a great community ~nyte
aimchase Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I can't tell you what the ex is thinking, but I think you're playing your cards brilliantly. My advice would be to keep as you are - be friendly, give short prompt responses when she contacts you, but don't make any move until/unless she actually makes a committed statement such as 'I want you back' or words to that effect. It's then for you to consider if that's what is best for you. Aim
Author nyte Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Thanks Aim, I will continue to do what you had said. Altho a few times I felt tempted to really tell her how I feel but resisted. This 30 days of NC, working out has really built my self control and if anything comes from this it would be my ability to now be more independent and be happy with living alone. A blessing in disguise But it really starts to make me angry now that she's thinks it's ok to just be "friends" and start probing me for info. ~nyte
aimchase Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I have the same sort of thing going on, in that the stbxw wants friendship but also has an interest in what is going on in my life. I called her in the week to discuss something (can't even remember what now), and started by saying 'I just need to have a word with you about something'. She immediately responded with her guess "You're seeing someone else". I said no and carried on with what I did want to talk about, but found that a weird thing to have spring in your head instantaneously. They want friendship but they still have something there which hasn't fully let go. That's what I think anyway. It's that old chestnut 'don't want you but don't want anyone else to have you'. Who knows how they will think after a good period of NC - I guess each person is different. You can't second guess them. Sadly I can't go NC easily as we have two kids which we need to discuss, but am taking on the plan of distancing from hereon. Your own post gives a good motivation for that.
Author nyte Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Well I wish you the best in what your going through as well... It's kind of funny when you look at it from different mindsets. I mean, why bring that stuff up? Why probe. I think your right about them wanting to be friends but nothing more, at least not at this stage. There was a really good post on here about the stages of the dumpee and dumper. And how at this stage they will try and contact you but it's not in regards to reconcilliation (that comes at a later stage for them) It was one of the most important posts I've read on here to help me through stuff. His name is DenverBachlor and his post is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t211578/?highlight=stages Check it out Cheers, Nyte
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