9Lives Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I AM NOT JUDGING HER ....Please hear me out My good friend is dating a mm and it gets on my nerves so bad. First of all, he moved out the house for two months and was all in her face and what not. Then he lied and said that the wife had cancer and he had to move back in with her. The wife did not have cancer but boyfriend is back at the house. She cried and all that but he worked his way back in. Then he told her he had to go see his grandmother one week and come to find out he was in Vegas celebrating his anniversary. Superbowl he was suppose to come hang with her(i told her i didnt want to go since he was now coming)...well the wife wasnt having it and he didnt come. Let me be honest....i have dated a mm before and was madly inlove with him. This went on for 4 yr and it was hard to let go of it. So i know what she is going thru. Lots of emotional rollercoasters and disappointments. You know what im talking about. So im not judging her Here is the deal: I dont want to intertain this lifestyle anymore. I want to date single guys and be around single women. All that stuff that comes with dealing with a mm is not something i want to be around. Then her other friend is doing it. We went out yesterday to the bar. She with a mm and her friend with a mm. Im like damm!! I wouldnt have come if i knew this was the scene! My thought is im single and I want to be with singles or women who are dating or with a guy who is not married. Im trying to better my life and make better choices than the past. MM are always hitting on me now. They are more aggressive than the single guys. They dont even give a damm anymore. If you down,,,it is on and that the game now. I rather not. It has not been good. I am 42 and i gave away 4yrs of my life to a mm. He did alot for me but in the end. I dont have him, his family, his life. Im in the shadows. I changed my ways and I dont want to intertain this anymore. Im attractive and being 2nd and accepting crumbs is not good..and it never was.
MizFit Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I AM NOT JUDGING HER ....Please hear me out My good friend is dating a mm and it gets on my nerves so bad. First of all, he moved out the house for two months and was all in her face and what not. Then he lied and said that the wife had cancer and he had to move back in with her. The wife did not have cancer but boyfriend is back at the house. She cried and all that but he worked his way back in. Then he told her he had to go see his grandmother one week and come to find out he was in Vegas celebrating his anniversary. Superbowl he was suppose to come hang with her(i told her i didnt want to go since he was now coming)...well the wife wasnt having it and he didnt come. Let me be honest....i have dated a mm before and was madly inlove with him. This went on for 4 yr and it was hard to let go of it. So i know what she is going thru. Lots of emotional rollercoasters and disappointments. You know what im talking about. So im not judging her Here is the deal: I dont want to intertain this lifestyle anymore. I want to date single guys and be around single women. All that stuff that comes with dealing with a mm is not something i want to be around. Then her other friend is doing it. We went out yesterday to the bar. She with a mm and her friend with a mm. Im like damm!! I wouldnt have come if i knew this was the scene! My thought is im single and I want to be with singles or women who are dating or with a guy who is not married. Im trying to better my life and make better choices than the past. MM are always hitting on me now. They are more aggressive than the single guys. They dont even give a damm anymore. If you down,,,it is on and that the game now. I rather not. It has not been good. I am 42 and i gave away 4yrs of my life to a mm. He did alot for me but in the end. I dont have him, his family, his life. Im in the shadows. I changed my ways and I dont want to intertain this anymore. Im attractive and being 2nd and accepting crumbs is not good..and it never was. You have the choice of being friends with whomever you wish to be friends with...I personally would be more upfront about who is going to be there when you go out. If she isn't willing to share then she's not being much of a friend to you...it's as much her responsibility to consider your feelings as it is you to consider hers. It sounds like you just don't like the guy because of how he's treated her. Tell her...if he were single would you avoid him, sounds like you might do. Tell her and let her know you're her friend, but you don't want to be involved in letting someone treat your friend like that. You don't have to give her up...she will need you one day...she may not think it, but she will.
Lizzie60 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 It's your choice.. If it gets on your nerve that much.. tell her that you will take a 'break' of your friendship while she's with this MM... and that she can call you back once it's over. No one is forcing you to be friend with someone you have nothing in common with... don,t sweat the small stuff.. just be honest with her.. she'll understand if your friendship is strong..
jj33 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 9Lives good for you. I think its like if you stop drinking you dont want to go to a bar. You have a history you dont want to repeat it, you dont want to be around the drama and you want to be around people who conduct their lives the same way you do. Now I was an OW and I would have hoped people didnt stop being my friend because of that, but I also never brought him out with friends. And I was never seduced by random MM while out. Different than making it a lifestyle. Go with your gut. If its not comfortable for you dont do it.
Author 9Lives Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 9Lives good for you. I think its like if you stop drinking you dont want to go to a bar. You have a history you dont want to repeat it, you dont want to be around the drama and you want to be around people who conduct their lives the same way you do. Now I was an OW and I would have hoped people didnt stop being my friend because of that, but I also never brought him out with friends. And I was never seduced by random MM while out. Different than making it a lifestyle. Go with your gut. If its not comfortable for you dont do it. She is just to comfortable and wrapped up. She has pictures of him all in her bedroom. She has the screensaver of him and her. She had a bad marriage with a man who treated her like crap for 13 years and now she is with this guy. She is comfortable talkng about the wife and why he is there. I think she is one of those down for whatever chics. It has been bad weather outside and she will still try to go hang out with him. I need a break from them already.
USMCHokie Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 A single person dating an attached person is still a cheater in my book...and I don't like cheaters...even if it's just a friend...I have enough amazing friends that I don't need to settle for a friend with no integrity... LAUNCH.
norajane Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 So meet some new friends who aren't dating MM and diminish the time you spend with this friend. Nothing is stopping you from befriending anyone else. If she asks why you aren't getting together much, be honest and tell her you aren't comfortable with her relationship and need to distance yourself from it.
bentnotbroken Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Sounds like you need to move on. We sometimes our grow old friendships. Nothing to be ashamed of. I think it happens to all of us at some point, no matter the reason.
Author 9Lives Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Sounds like you need to move on. We sometimes our grow old friendships. Nothing to be ashamed of. I think it happens to all of us at some point, no matter the reason. I see, I guess it has to do with your own morals her 17 yr old is living with a 26 yr old man. she already has a 2 yr old who she is not taking care of cause the other grandmother is her 20 year old has 2 kids and lives with her boyfriend who is a drug dealer. she has two kids. Now she dating this mm. I am checking her out and not feeling this. I have not known her that long so its no big deal.
bentnotbroken Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I see, I guess it has to do with your own morals her 17 yr old is living with a 26 yr old man. she already has a 2 yr old who she is not taking care of cause the other grandmother is her 20 year old has 2 kids and lives with her boyfriend who is a drug dealer. she has two kids. Now she dating this mm. I am checking her out and not feeling this. I have not known her that long so its no big deal. It's like any other relationship, when you are going in different directions the relationship cannot or should not continue.
Author 9Lives Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 It's like any other relationship, when you are going in different directions the relationship cannot or should not continue. That makes alot of sense. It seems like tho that you will always walk away from people. I really dont want to be that kind of person. I cant alway agree with people and their life choices. I guess some things are deal breakers in some relationships
bentnotbroken Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 That makes alot of sense. It seems like tho that you will always walk away from people. I really dont want to be that kind of person. I cant alway agree with people and their life choices. I guess some things are deal breakers in some relationships Yes, there are some things that will always be deal breakers. For each of us that is different. Lying is it for me.
D-Lish Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 If your friends are engaging in a lifestyle you don't want to be a part of- it's okay to step away. When I was actively drinking, I had a group of friends I shared that party element with. When I decided to turn my life around, I had to distance myself from that group of people so I could get back on track. Do what you have to do to keep yourself on track- you don't have to feel shame or make apologies for that.
pureinheart Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 MM are always hitting on me now. They are more aggressive than the single guys. They dont even give a damm anymore. If you down,,,it is on and that the game now. I rather not. It has not been good. I am 42 and i gave away 4yrs of my life to a mm. He did alot for me but in the end. I dont have him, his family, his life. Im in the shadows. I changed my ways and I dont want to intertain this anymore. Im attractive and being 2nd and accepting crumbs is not good..and it never was. Yep....IMO it's a game (with some) as you see MM have and excuse, they don't have to commit...to anything really. The single ones (some ) are afraid of committment, although want to get laid, so they are a bit more cautious. My reply is mostlikely slanted as I have a very bad taste in my mouth right now. I want a straight up R with a man who is not abusive, who wants to do things the right way....I don't want to be "mommy" anymore...I don't want "project men".... In the meantime, I will live my life....things aren't as bad as I think...I've realised the exact nature of the abuse that I have encountered and will work through that. You hang in there....you know, it's almost like if I want to quit using drugs or drinking and I hang with someone who does...I'm gonna mostlikely use drugs and drink. This could be why you feel the way you do. Ok...you've been hurt, you see your friends might get hurt...it's hard to watch....so I know exactly where you are coming from, you are not being judgmental at all....
pureinheart Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 That makes alot of sense. It seems like tho that you will always walk away from people. I really dont want to be that kind of person. I cant alway agree with people and their life choices. I guess some things are deal breakers in some relationships Abuse is a deal breaker for me....
Author 9Lives Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 If your friends are engaging in a lifestyle you don't want to be a part of- it's okay to step away. When I was actively drinking, I had a group of friends I shared that party element with. When I decided to turn my life around, I had to distance myself from that group of people so I could get back on track. Do what you have to do to keep yourself on track- you don't have to feel shame or make apologies for that. Well that makes me feel better that I should feel shame about it. Like you said, I want to change my life.
RedDevil66 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 A single person dating an attached person is still a cheater in my book...and I don't like cheaters...even if it's just a friend...I have enough amazing friends that I don't need to settle for a friend with no integrity... LAUNCH. I can't agree more but many of the cheaters on LS who sleep with MM will adamently disgree with you :-) Having said that, I was a cheater with a married guy but that was 10 yrs ago and I've grown so much and just cannot be around someone who cheats. My best friend who I've known for 30 yrs is a serial cheater and just married her BF of 19 yrs who she's cheated on over and over and over with Well since being in my own recovery for other issues, I finally walked away from her. It was the best decision I ever made. I hung on out of guilt really. I don't wish her harm because she is obviously not menally well, but I just could not be part of that crazy train any longer. And she is a doctor, go figure! Walk away or you'll never be healthy
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Well that makes me feel better that I should feel shame about it. Like you said, I want to change my life. Nooooo- what I said is that you shouldn't feel shame about it. I wasn't slamming you, I was supporting you.
RedDevil66 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I I am 42 and i gave away 4yrs of my life to a mm. He did alot for me but in the end. I dont have him, his family, his life. Im in the shadows. I changed my ways and I dont want to intertain this anymore. Im attractive and being 2nd and accepting crumbs is not good..and it never was. I have a lot of respect for that. I'm still a work in progress myself.
Author 9Lives Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I have a lot of respect for that. I'm still a work in progress myself. Yeah, Im finally getting some self love and respect. I feel so good. Im happy to change my life. MM are just not the way anymore for me. Im glad I am finally getting better
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