fooled once Posted February 17, 2010 Posted February 17, 2010 Well, you have choices... Continue to wallow in the poor me, look at the mess I made, boo hoo, blah blah blah. I was the love of his life, I loved him..... I mean, did you think you could have an affair for the rest of your life???? I firmly believe YOU thought he would leave his wife for you and then you would leave your H and you two would be together. As you can see, this isn't happening and even if it did, is this the "man" you want? Is this the "man" you want in your children's life as a role model? I hope to hell it isn't. OR you could pull yourself UP and realize "sh*t happens" and you messed up. Guess what - everyone MESSES up at sometime. It is HOW we handle it and what we do after wards that define who WE are. Are you going to continue to be a wilting flower who is scared to get out of bed each day, bemoaning all the mistakes you have ever made? You say you are in therapy - how often are you going? You can go every day and take meds but that is only PART of the solution. The other part is within YOU. YOU can't rely on therapy and meds to 'fix' you. That is all on you sweetie. Your kids lives are CHANGING. They aren't ruined or tainted for the rest of their lives. They are changing. So -- make the best of those changes. Be the BEST mom you can be. Do you think I said to myself "ya know, when my son is 6, I think I will just divorce his dad and have a new life. I have just been waiting to be a divorced mom". Of course not - but ya know what, sh*t happens. Divorce happens. The majority of kids are from divorced homes. At least your children know who their dad is. Many kids don't. Many kids never had a "mom and dad". Life is hard MBEG. Time to realize it and deal with it. Laying in bed and crying won't fix it. YOU have to make the changes and deal with it. Show your children they have a strong mom who can make lemonade with lemons. Show them that even with hard decisions, life is worth living. I hope you can find it within yourself to get yourself together. If you can't - maybe your STBexH needs to have custody so you can continue to have your pity party. I am not trying to be an a** - I am trying to show you that LIFE IS HARD at times. Dig deep and find your strength. Do not let this love affair be the end of you. NO GUY should have that kind of power over you. No guy should make you THIS depressed for this long. God knows he isn't worth it. Good luck!
qswoman Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 This is my first post here on LS and hope that I dont hurt anyone by saying this but mybrowneyedgirlwhat about your children? Don't you think they deserve a whole mom? Are you really ready to turn your back on your children and walk away to cry yourself to sleep over a man? Is he really more important than your children?
Samantha0905 Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I'm sorry you feel so depressed. You know, when someone stays down for such a long period of time sometimes they actually do slip into real depression. Are antidepressants an option? It sounds like you are down in a hole and can't pull yourself out. I feel for you. It's very difficult to work things out with your husband when you are so convinced you love you OM. Does your husband even want to work things out? I know you don't want XMM back (rationally thinking), but you still feel like you love him and he represents something very strong in you emotionally. I know for myself, I miss my XAP and the strong sadness and feelings of missing him, make it rather difficult to work on the marriage 100%. You have to realize a lot of what you are holding onto is self-fabricated. Yo I'm not going to call him scum, or you scum or anyone scum -- but realize the relationship you had with him was based on deceit. Both of you participated in it. It's was a really bad choice and it had consequences. So be it. That part is done and dwelling on it and constantly flogging yourself can't be healthy. I hope both you and your XMM are able to move forward and make yourselves whole again. I wish the same for your husband and children. It is all up to you, but it helps if you are in decent shape emotionally to handle the situation. Right now, you have a lot going on. The suggestions to go out with friends, exercise, etc. are great ideas. My friends have been such a strength to me in this situation and exercise always picks me up. It's to a point now where the constant dwelling on it is very unhealthy and it seems to the point of obsession, depression, etc. You may need more help than you are getting just through counseling.
Tashcw Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Hey MBEG, Just to soften the last couple of posts (although I definitely agree with the sentiment) - I'm sure you'd never, ever want to hurt your kids further and I know you'd want to be the best mom you ever could. But sometimes we just aren't strong enough to pull ourselves out of this mess and need to use every bit of outside help we can get. This is currently where I am. On meds, seeing therapists and moved (very temporarily) back in with my folks (trust me - I am FAR too old to live with them really!) with my friends visiting whenever they can. Was so, so hard to admit that I needed help, but now I have done, I feel myself getting stronger far quicker than I had done if I tried on my own. So, lean on people, take every bit of advice you can and let others lead you. Start by doing the list that jw suggested - 10 things that make you happy. And if you can't think of 10, start with 3, or 5. Continue to read these forums and people's replies over and over and over until it starts to sink in. Buy any self help book you can find and force yourself to read them, even if it's hard. Be strong and you WILL get through. If I can - you can!
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