wanna go NC, but afraid to do it..

[breakbeat]

I'm afraid to regret it afterwards , i took the first little step by removing her from my YouTube friends list.. and have some mixed feelings about it .. feels good and bad at the same time really.

I want to break gmail contact ,she has buzz but I haven't seen a thing from her, I'm sure she has blocked me or just ignores me.

Afraid she will be angry at me for cutting her off like that (silly thought ?)

Im afraid I never will have a chance for friendship again, she is an amazing woman and its hard to let her go but I don't think I can be just friends, not at this moment, I think I'm still in love with her but I'm not so sure.. in fact I don't know what I feel right now.

Because all of this I became depressed ('old' personal issues also), REALLY horrible feelings i never had experienced before.

I am now on anti depressants (for 3 weeks) , it helps me a little bit but my mind is still constantly focused on 'her'.

I know it's unhealthy but I just cant seem to get rid of those thoughts. We had a 'deep' relationship , an ONLINE relationship which lasted for 10 months and it was like magic, we even talked about marriage and all that, and by the next day .. poof !!

In fact I just realized it, it was a gut feeling. I just KNEW it was 'over' between us.. you just feel that, they don't have to write/say it.. you feel it deep inside.

I don't know what to do and its making me very nervous, can someone give me some advice here ?

Should I just do the NC thing and don't say anything ,or should I let her know in a 'quick' email ?? I'm a VERY sensitive person and I keep thinking that I might 'hurt' her by just cutting her off like that.

At the other hand she hasn't made much effort either to get in touch with me... not on fb, not on Skype, nothing really ( I am now on Skype , and she is as well, but I will NOT make first contact! I see this a kinda 'last' chance for her/me?)

 

I hope all of this makes some sense , I needed to get this off my chest.. feels good to know there is a forum like this where one can talk about all this 'stuff'.. but was always a bit reluctant to tell my story, I always think I can't write/explain my situation well enough but I'm making an effort to improve myself on these aspects, I just want to improve a lot of things in my life but its VERY difficult for me to do it.. I have (had) many issues in my life.

 

Any advice would be most appreciated, or if you have any questions.. feel free to ask .. ciao !

Edited February 14, 2010 by breakbeat

[sean1]

hi bb.

 

you definatly need no contact. block her on everything you can. the idea of n.c is to let go..move on and enjoy life. thats what you need to do.

 

if you sit by the phone hoping shel ring or sit there online on fb or skype you will just get depressed and if you talk to her your going to get hurt.

 

if she doesnt want to lose contact with you then she should not of called off the relationship. at the end of the day if you stil want someone in your life you wouldnt throw them away and keep them as friends. you wouldnt want to throw them away at all.

 

you want her to understand that your respecting her and youmoving on. if shes finished you and yo block all contact how can she moan at you? at end of day shes broke your heart you need to move on. she cant turn around and say you still need to talk to me.

 

N.C and look after yourself. things willget better this way

 

[PuggaGirl]

BB - I know where you are. I was holding on to hope for over 2 months. This week, something snapped and I decided NC was the way to go. I kept fighting it thinking "he'll forget about me and if I'm completely gone, there's no hope". Well, it was getting harder and harder to function with this thought. I work for the same company as my H so we have to talk, but I am trying to keep it short and to the point. Same with emails - only about bills that need to be paid and nothing more. I wanted to be friends, but the everything is too fresh - I realize I need the space to heal before I can think about a friendship. Wow, last weekend I wouldn't have been able to write that last line... Hope I've helped a little...

[skydiveaddict]

"Do the thing you fear the most, and the Death of Fear is Certain" Mark Twain

 

DO IT!

[breakbeat]

Thanks for the advice all but ..... I STILL CANT DELETE HER FROM MY FACEBOOK

I was just one click away from removing her from my friends list , then I burst out into tears Maybe I'm not ready to do this ? Am I still too afraid to do it ? WHY can't I do it ??

 

Now she removed me from some games we used to play together, does this mean the NC thing is having effect ? I feel bad about it to be honest.

Maybe I am too sensitive ? Now I think she is mad at me.

 

I deleted her from YouTube, Gmail, unistalled Skype, ... But I can't stop thinking about her and I want to contact her so bad !! I really don't feel well right now and I don't know what to do

[breakbeat]

I am so damn weak :S

When i removed her from YT i first felt good about it but the next day I really regret doing it and it was eating me up inside.. SO , my mind started going 'haywire' again and I did the MOST STUPID thing by writing her an message to apologize .. OH MY GOD , what was I thinking ?? She reacted VERY HARSH towards me and now I feel worse than ever ! I know .. I AM very angry at myself for being so weak AGAIN !! Why do I always give in ? I think i have a very low self esteem and self confidence

She even said to me that I need professional help !! I am thinking the same thing really, I don't think I am 'normal' . I don't know what to think right now .. All I know is that I NEED some help , one way or another , I can't go on like this.. I'm ALWAYS on my own , Is there someone I can talk to here ? I need to speak with someone about this.

!! HELP !!!

[GrayClouds]

I am so damn weak :S

When i removed her from YT i first felt good about it but the next day I really regret doing it and it was eating me up inside.. SO , my mind started going 'haywire' again and I did the MOST STUPID thing by writing her an message to apologize .. OH MY GOD , what was I thinking ?? She reacted VERY HARSH towards me and now I feel worse than ever ! I know .. I AM very angry at myself for being so weak AGAIN !! Why do I always give in ? I think i have a very low self esteem and self confidence

She even said to me that I need professional help !! I am thinking the same thing really, I don't think I am 'normal' . I don't know what to think right now .. All I know is that I NEED some help , one way or another , I can't go on like this.. I'm ALWAYS on my own , Is there someone I can talk to here ? I need to speak with someone about this.

!! HELP !!!

 

This is the best thing that could happen. It has giving you a perfect understanding why you need to go No Contact because the alternitive is humiliation, pain and regret.

 

Your going through a break all those doubt, question yourself, feeling out of control is normal. It is caused by chemical reaction that happening in that body. It will subside over time.

 

It is hard to control your bodies reation but you can controll how you react to it. Start exercising, eat well, hang with family and friends, post here everytime you feel like making contact. We have all been there, that is why hwe are here. If will get easier but you have to first start beign kind to yourself and go NC.

[breakbeat]

Thanks GrayClouds ... I just deactivated my FB account, I felt that it was the best thing to do for now, but it's SO damn tempting to go and take a peek ! FB makes it too convenient to go back , they just send you a mail .. 'click here to login'

I WILL NOT go back !! Certainly not now , maybe in a month or two, who knows ..

[tylerdurden]

All I know is that I NEED some help , one way or another , I can't go on like this.. I'm ALWAYS on my own , Is there someone I can talk to here ? I need to speak with someone about this.

!! HELP !!!

 

Hey mate , I m going through the same s**t here, and me too Im looking someone to talk too..

I have more or less the ame story as yours:Met this girl on Facebook 8 months ago...Went to see her in America (I was living in New Zealand at the time), spend some very good time with her(2 weeks)that was back in August.

Everything was going great , I was suppose to see her and try to spend some time together this month, but suddenly she found some false excuses for me not to come, saying that she was too busy and that she didnt have time for me.And I just deleted her on Facebook yesterday..

Im with you my friend!

T.

[breakbeat]

Hey mate , I m going through the same s**t here, and me too Im looking someone to talk too..

I have more or less the ame story as yours:Met this girl on Facebook 8 months ago...Went to see her in America (I was living in New Zealand at the time), spend some very good time with her(2 weeks)that was back in August.

Everything was going great , I was suppose to see her and try to spend some time together this month, but suddenly she found some false excuses for me not to come, saying that she was too busy and that she didnt have time for me.And I just deleted her on Facebook yesterday..

Im with you my friend!

T.

I hear ya mate .. why are women always 'playing' with our feelings ?

I mean... you give your heart (and soul) to this person and then they break it into a thousand pieces.. it's the most terrible feeling in the world !

When a girl says she doesn't have much time , I think that's a BIG RED FLAG ! You did well by deleting her from your FB list .. I myself just deactivated my account .. and created a new 'fake' one

You can add me if you want ! Craig Beuckers is the name