Vitaman-T Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Hi LoveShack.Org ! Recently stumbled on to this forum and there's a lot of really interesting stories I've read through that have helped me to better understand things and know that I'm really not alone in some of my concerns and worries. But anyways moving on... I've been in this LDR for roughly seven months now. I met this girl years ago online, so we've known each other quite well but because of various directions our lives took and what not we lost contact with each other until recently, to at which point we both admitted to having very strong feelings for one another and have had since we first met each other. I guess it might seem a bit weird but then again it might not a lot of the people here. The first few months after we decided to make things serious between us have been excellent, we've had so much fun together, and I'd stay up all night and go to work tired in the mornings, but I couldn't help myself. This girl is amazing and everything she says and does makes me happy. We've had I guess what you could call " tiffs " or little baby arguments that have in some cases spiraled away out of control when really all that had happened initially was that we both didn't understand what the other person was talking about, so language barriers if you will. Oh and by the way, Facebook is the devil ( but I don't think I need to go into that here based on what Ive read about peoples opinions so far! ) Anyway, she and I are a lot alike in many ways, both of us would rather stay home and have a quiet one, then go out with friends and we both game online and would rather spend time talking to each other online then go out with friends. We talk all the time, race home from work and hope on skype or msn and just talk for hours, about our day, what we're doing and even about whats on the TV, anything really. It makes us feel more connected. So really we don't ever spend much time apart. Back when first made contact again with each other we worked out that I was in a more flexible position to be the one to make the transition over to where she lived to make his relationship more of a reality for us both, and I think that if your in a LDR you need to want that I think for it to work out, if anyone understands what I mean. Hmm I've derailed a bit here from what Ive really wanted to say now so let me try and get to it. But lately whenever she goes out, and wants to look nice, she wears things that to me, scream " I really REALLY want attention please look at me! " Now, I've got no real problem with her wanting to look nice when she goes out, and I'm not saying I don't want her to either but whenever I bring up the fact that I feel a little uncomfortable with certain things she'll get miffed with me and ask me why I cant just be happy for her that shes going out and having a good time. It's not that I'm not happy about her having a good time without me, I mean I have to be realistic, we aren't together yet, but sometimes I just cant seem to get over this feeling I have about what she wears when she goes out. Its crazy I know but I need help dealing with the way I feel about it. Another issue I'm having is that whenever we're talking and she's referring to anything as " stuff " or " things " I will casually ask her things like " Oh what stuff or what things?", at which point she'll stop talking about it or change the subject. For me, whenever I ask about things like that, its just me being curious about her and wanting to get to know her better and about whats going on in her life, which I would only think is normal.? But she says to me that she just wants a little privacy and shouldn't have to tell me everything and explain everything out in detail to me. I can respect her need for privacy and understand that it takes time to get to know someone but when I ask the questions that I do I'm not really asking for her whole life story but sometimes I'd just like to know, what stuff or what things, so that maybe I can help her or find new grounds for common interests, open up new conversations that sought of thing. And most of the time the things she doesn't talk about are relatively minor, but for her seem to be a bit more of a big deal. Whenever I pursue a conversation like this I try to spin it with humor or make the situation feel a bit lighter as to not come off to aggressive but it sometimes makes it worse. I just want her to talk to me without having to ask her about things, because I want her to feel as though she can rely on me or trust me. She says she does and trusts me, but lately seems to not want to share anything with me or tell me much of anything. Point I'm trying to make I guess is it wrong for me to want to know? I don't expect her to tell me everything in every little detail but I feel it would be nice occasionally for her to tell me and talk to me about these things rather than have to ask. I usually tell her everything she wants to know and I never hide anything from her. Lately I've felt like she's bored with me or is feeling a bit weird about me coming. She's a little nervous about meeting me for the first time and just all of a sudden living together with me, which I am to although probably not as much. But I'm the one making the transition, I'm the one that's, I guess for lack of a better way to phrase this, given up my life here to go enjoy making one with her. I feel like she hasn't quite realized what a big thing this is for me and that I feel its only natural that I'd want to get to know her better and be comfortable with what she does and how she lives. But I don't know... I'm probably just being silly or selfish or something I'm not sure but just tossing this out here and see if anyone else has the same feelings or emotional troubles that I have right now and can offer some incite as to how I might go about this. Peace...
SuburbanOblivion Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Did I just read that you plan to move in with her on your very first meeting? Bad idea. Very, VERY bad idea. Collosally bad idea. Make a few trips to see each other first. No wonder she's feeling weird about things.
JessaL Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Vitamin T, I had a really hard time making sense of your post, and I'm guessing the reason no one else has responded yet is because they also didn't really get what your point is, or what you are asking. You start out by asking if you're being too controlling (I think) about what your friend/love interest wears when she goes out with friends. In a word, yes, this is ridiculous (though trust me, I understand, because I can be the same way sometimes). Then you bring up how you don't like that she refers to things as "stuff" or "things".... I have no idea what you're talking about. If you clarify, or maybe give an example, I might have a response or advice for you. As it is, I have no idea what you're talking about. My only thought is that perhaps you're only imaging that there are things she is not telling you. AND THEN - and this seems to me to be the really big thing! - you get into how you two are supposed to be moving in together soon???? And you think maybe she's getting a little wary? If I am reading your post correctly, this is what I would imagine you would be way more concerned about, not what she wears when she goes out with her friends, or her word choice of "stuff". Could you possibly try to articulate more clearly what your issue is?
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