tkgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 UPDATE: I responded to the facebook message, very briefly, not asking any questions or suggesting he call. He wrote back after a couple of days asking me if he could call me to ask me out. I said sure. He called four nights later and left a really short message with his phone number. So I guess in the end he did "call" but he's acting lukewarm. Am I back burner girl? Thank goodness for the Rules I wouldn't say you are the back-burner girl, but it sure is taking you guys a long time to reconnect! What did he say in his last message? He does seem somewhat interested or he wouldn't even be trying... it's been like two weeks right? It seems like you have been testing him to see how interested he really is, but at the same time he is just as unsure about you and how you feel. Ugh... this could go on forever! I say give the poor guy a chance... give him a call but then let him do the asking out... you can "bend" those rules a little, right?
Author Rulebreaker Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Why are you trying to assess if you're a "backburner girl" before even going on a date with him? I know what I'm about to say is rude, but I think you can take it: Trying to evaluate the level interest of a near stranger on so little interaction makes one sound self-involved. Haha, isn't the entire purpose of these forums to be "self-involved"? My blogging about it doesn't help. But to the extent that it sounds like I'm obsessing, I'm not, just curious and figured this was the place to go with it - I'm not losing any sleep over it. He did exactly what the rules said he should do, no? it takes a lot of guts to call someone up. And, it isn't his fault that you didn't pick up the phone. (Is that a rule? Don't pick up his calls?) Are you going to call him back? Actually the Rules are really unclear on this point. It seems like it's fine for you to pick up the phone as long as he's not calling at a crazy time, but "rarely return his calls." (Rule #5) This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. The chapter reads like it's talking about a little further along in the "relationship", when the guy might just be calling to chat and you don't have to return those calls. This still strikes me as rude! Anyhow yes, I am going to call back.
tkgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Haha, isn't the entire purpose of these forums to be "self-involved"? My blogging about it doesn't help. But to the extent that it sounds like I'm obsessing, I'm not, just curious and figured this was the place to go with it - I'm not losing any sleep over it. Actually the Rules are really unclear on this point. It seems like it's fine for you to pick up the phone as long as he's not calling at a crazy time, but "rarely return his calls." (Rule #5) This doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. The chapter reads like it's talking about a little further along in the "relationship", when the guy might just be calling to chat and you don't have to return those calls. This still strikes me as rude! Anyhow yes, I am going to call back. rule #5 is a bit strange... I have to admit I never read "The Rules" but I did give it to a friend a long time ago... when it first came out. It was meant to be a joke... she always thought she'd just stay single forever. Not long after though she met the man of her dreams... now years later they are married with two sweet little boys! Hmmm... maybe it was the rules? Now I am curious... I may have to check the book out for myself! but in your case... ignore rule #5 and call him already! and be sure keep us posted!
Kamille Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Haha, isn't the entire purpose of these forums to be "self-involved"? My blogging about it doesn't help. But to the extent that it sounds like I'm obsessing, I'm not, just curious and figured this was the place to go with it - I'm not losing any sleep over it. Glad to hear you will call back. But regarding the self-involved comment, I didn't mean in posting here and blogging about it. I meant that there is something that I find 'princessy' about that question when it is asked very early on (and this isn't just based on your thread but on many many threads here). I never ask myself that question until at least two or three dates in the process. At first, my objective is more in having fun with someone and getting to know them - not getting a perfect stranger to fall so hard for me that he will drop everything in his life to woo me and obsess about me. Why would I want someone I hardly know to be so crazy about me that he will drop everything in his life? Wouldn't that be narcissistic of me? Shouldn't displays of interests be correlated with the amount of dates and interactions people have together?
Author Rulebreaker Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Glad to hear you will call back. But regarding the self-involved comment, I didn't mean in posting here and blogging about it. I meant that there is something that I find 'princessy' about that question when it is asked very early on (and this isn't just based on your thread but on many many threads here). I never ask myself that question until at least two or three dates in the process. At first, my objective is more in having fun with someone and getting to know them - not getting a perfect stranger to fall so hard for me that he will drop everything in his life to woo me and obsess about me. Why would I want someone I hardly know to be so crazy about me that he will drop everything in his life? Wouldn't that be narcissistic of me? Shouldn't displays of interests be correlated with the amount of dates and interactions people have together? Ok, I see what you mean. I think the Rules agree with you on that, as they don't really attach any kind of meaning to the length of time it takes for a guy to call. And ultimately I do too. There are just way too many reasons not to call. But, I told my friends about the guy I met at the party, and they started asking me if he'd called by like, day 3. I was like, no, he hasn't, and then started to feel like he should have, and then started asking people if he should have by now (including this forum, a la "when to assume he won't call?") and most of the time the answer I got was yes. One of my girlfriends even went so far as to say do not call him back if he calls at this point. I thought that was extreme. I also pointed out to her that if I'm following the Rules it can't go that far anyway. Given my blog I feel an obligation to think this through somewhat, but it's way healthier than I have in the past I am having fun with it. I do like him, and I will call him back.
Author Rulebreaker Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 Update: He called 2 more times on Sunday and left one more message, so I figured that was more than enough interest to call back promptly. Not sure what the sudden increase in interest is, but I guess I have a date OK, to recap in hopes of answering the original question: FB messaged 6 days after meeting, exchanged FB messages for 6 days, called 4 days after FB message (or 16 days after meeting).
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