dannie19 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I am so ashamed to be back here posting again to try and get words of wisdom to keep me away from my MM. I've posted before and explained that he's a colleague, an alcoholic, drug user, bipolar and in a 22 year realationship, which he claims is just friendship now but quite frankly it is not going to end as they are codependent and would I even want him if he did leave? No, I wouldn't yet I want him to want me like he used to (he was sooo thoughtful and siad he wanted to marry me etc) and instead I just feel so used and taken for mug. The situation is he came to my house yesterday and it ended with me throwing a glass at him after he'd asked me to send matey texts for a while to not upset his partner, he'd told me how he finds someone ese at work 'gorgeous', he said he had to leave at 8, when he's noramlly keen to stay the night, (I think to be home for Valentines), he'd asked me to cook and then was too drunk to eat it, the glass shatterd and he walked out saying I'd 'lost the plot....' He's right, I am so upset that I have been brought to this, to a situation where he thinks he's the stable one. He sent me a text asking to make sure gets his glasses back at work and I have sent him an email trying to explain that it was the bigger picture made up of all these liilte things which made me throw the glass. I know he won't reply he is horrified by what I have done yet he's told me many stories of him and his grilfriend getting drunk and smashing up pubs etc. I don't know what I am doing or whuy I am doing it. I don't want to be involved with him but life seems so dull without the prospect of going out with him. I am pathetic and ashamed and lost. Great!
bentnotbroken Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 WOW:eek:My life is dull, so let me do destructive things to spice it up. Pathetic isn't the word I would use...depressingly sad comes to mind. Would you give anyone you love the advice to do the things you are doing to "spice up" their life? Why or why not?
Author dannie19 Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Clearly I wouldn't tell anyone to follow my path but I didn't know how deeply involved I would get or how low I would allow him to take me. I may be wrong but it seems pointless analysing how I got here, I am here unfortunately!
bentnotbroken Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Clearly I wouldn't tell anyone to follow my path but I didn't know how deeply involved I would get or how low I would allow him to take me. I may be wrong but it seems pointless analysing how I got here, I am here unfortunately! Analyzing how you got there is the path to finding your way out and never going there again. You cannot fix what you want face and acknowledge. Looking one's life closely is never pointless, painful but not pointless.God bless.
RedDevil66 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 You're not pathetic, pathetic is doing what you're doing and jusitying it. You know it's wrong, you know it needs to change, so nothing pathetic about that. Your stuck in the need for drama. You are also codependent if you need this. I would suggest you read a book called "Codependency no more" You need to build your self worth. Find out why you need the drama. We all act a certain way because we get something out of it. Ask yourself, what are you getting out of it?! Keep posting ok. Work it out and don't be ashamed hugs
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