eternitysfool Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Before I begin, I just want to say that to everyone who reads this, kind words do help, but I need a dose of reality, because I really think i'm a ****ed up human being for this. I met this wonderful guy sometime ago, and noticed he always had a crush on me, but usually during said time, I always had a boyfriend. I had my heart broken plenty of times, and I guess I wasn't over it. But, this wonderful guy, he's on such a different level then what you'd meet around me. He's polite, courteous, respectful, funny, he's perfect, he's absolutely ****ing perfect. But I think the problem really is me. He was so happy to actually be "cared" for by someone, cause he to just like me had his heart broken by some sick and twisted females, he's shown me pics, videos, and emails to prove a point, and I didn't even have no idea that there were women like that (they even cheated on him with his best friends), but believe me there are. But who am I to talk. His friends were overjoyed because they'd never really seen him happy, and so productive. I guess I brought him down. I guess I emotionally closed myself off to him from the gate for some reason, I guess me being stupid, and acting like a young girl. And I would sit there, watching him always try his hardest to make me smile, make me happy, and do for me, what most men won't do for a woman these days, and that's respect them, and let them be themselves. He did that for me, I respected, and was there for me, and still is here for me to this day. I hated this though, on the inside, I was so happy because I've never had no one like this ever really care about me before, even my own family never really gave me the attention he has, and I guess it's cause he's pure. I'm not going to put his info out there or anything, but he was (and still is) a virgin when we met, and he even went out and had a circumcision after he asked me to be his first someday, I feel horrible for not being there for him for that too, cause of so much he did for me, I honestly never did anything for him. and I guess never really caught on to the common concepts of dealing with a stubborn girlfriend. Not that I intentionally meant to be stubborn, I don't even know what I was doing, i'm so immature to the point that I closed my heart to who really cares for me, because of the *******s of the past. but I just know I wanted him there, just like I want him here now, and he says he's here. Overtime, things in his life got rocky. His jobs cut his hours, and then eventually laid him off, and a lot of things he had planned didn't go well for him. His family dubs him a black sheep really, so the relationship at home for him is really strained, and publicly, he's not very social, he was always the quiet, studious type, but I mean boy did he know how to party though, lol. See, I love him... But here's where I was stupid. He doesn't know this, I know he has his hunches, and every now and then, my friends end up slipping and saying something hinting it. I cheated on him so heavy. I had about two abortions during this relationship from other guys, and yet I made him at times literally sit home alone, and be alone, while knowing i'm on his mind...I always am, he'd do anything for me. He showed me so much stuff, helped me get back in school, and helped me prove to myself that i'm capable of anything I put my mind to. Why. Why couldn't I be more faithful to him. Currently, we're broken up, not over the infidelity issue, but on grounds that I told him I want to come back to him and get myself together. And it's killing me on the inside cause he promised to be here, and I see how badly he wants to be close to me, how badly he wants to love me how he wants to love me, and not how he has to love me compacted from a far distance. I can feel his pain, and it's making me hurt now. I wish I could just go back to him, and make everything right but I know right now even in this state of mind, i'd end up hurting him again. I don't want to lose him, cause as one of my good family members said. I should keep him with me, and do my best not to lose him cause I know I really don't want to sit back someday from the outside, looking on the beauty he's created with someone else. You see, he's an amazing person, so talented, an artist, writer, computer tech, poet, and so much more. I remember when he wrote to me, I couldn't even comprehend it, but once he read it to me, it was more than clear it was love, his undying love for me. So please, I don't need kind words, but they're welcome. I need blunt honesty. What's wrong with me, and how can I fix this. Because I want to make him happy, and I know explaining to him in full everything that really went down, would destroy him. I can tell he's suffering from a form of depression, almost despair. Please, someone help me, so I can be what I need to be to him, and that's the true love I know I can be to him, cause he's it to me.
katelyn98 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 If you really do love him and he really loves u, u both should be happy together. but if you dont think thats gonna work then both of u should be best of friends. if you dont want to look on the beauty he created on someone else, you can either be with him or find another person who is more talented or as talented as him, im sure there are many more guys waiting for u =)
Bejita463 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 No guys are waiting. She isn't making them wait. Everyone gets a turn, except the guy who is supposed to, apparently. This is not the way you treat someone you love.
katelyn98 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I'm sure there are guys for her, think positive, its a true fact, everyone should have someone =) =)
Bejita463 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I didn't say there weren't. I said they aren't waiting. They are getting exactly what they want. The only one who seems to be getting screwed in a negative way is the guy she's supposed to care about.
phineas Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 so she's having lots of unprotected sex behind his back & a few abortions & everyone but him knows this? He's gonna find out. I seriously doubt there is anything she can do to save this.
meerkat stew Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 OP have seen this situation many times over the years, once or twice in life for me, more from friends. Your situation encapsulates one of the questions that men ask of women over and over on this forum. Despite that you seem to care for this guy, and you know what is right, you can't seem to do the right thing (that being making a choice between loving this man faithfully and letting him go for good). First do you love him? or do you love that he loves you so selflessly? There is a huge difference. No one can answer this question but you. Second, once you have answered the above, one path cuts him loose immediately and cleanly, the other path makes a choice. I know it may seem like an immense revelation, but life doesn't just happen to you. You are not a leaf on a pond. You create your life every day in the choices you make. The fact that you even ask some of the questions you do leads me to believe you haven't actually grasped this basic concept. So first answer the above questions, and then think on the reality of your choices in life.
FryFish Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Tell him the truth and see if he still loves you.... my prediction: He will hate you when he sees what you really are. lol
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 You have a lot of issues that need tending to OP- a serious amount of them. It's good you guys are broken up, because he deserves better. By the way- those crazy horrible females you described that he has dated in the past? You are one of them. The cheating, abortions, the distancing, lies... Please do something about this and find some help for yourself.
Author eternitysfool Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I'm sure there are guys for her, think positive, its a true fact, everyone should have someone =) =) Positive words are good, but you're totally ignoring the obvious. I destroyed someone from the inside. They loved me, loving anyone is giving them the ability to destroy you, and trusting them not to. I know i'm "trustworthy" I just don't get why I do stupid ****.
D-Lish Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Positive words are good, but you're totally ignoring the obvious. I destroyed someone from the inside. They loved me, loving anyone is giving them the ability to destroy you, and trusting them not to. I know i'm "trustworthy" I just don't get why I do stupid ****. You're not trustworthy at all, seriously- what about how you handled your relationship with this guy allows you to believe you are worthy of someone's trust?
meerkat stew Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I know i'm "trustworthy" I just don't get why I do stupid ****. Once more, your character and qualities, the person you end up being, ARE your actions in a very real way. You are the very opposite of trustworthy, where this guy is concerned anyway. Do you think that he would ever trust you if he knew all about your shenanigans? You can't claim to "be" something and yet act in the complete opposite fashion over and over.
Bejita463 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I know i'm "trustworthy" What do you base this on? The fact that you told the guys you cheated on that poor sap with that if you got pregnant while you had unprotected sex with them while your virgin boyfriend sat around alone at home, you'd get an abortion, and true to word, you did? Plus side, as he apparently remains a virgin, perhaps he hasn't been exposed to the risk of gonoherpesyphiliswineaids that boyfriends usually get exposed to by SOs.
New_Life08 Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Aside from him, you need to go to counseling. There comes a time when we cannot keep blaming our past for our present behavior. There comes a time when we choose our own path; knowing right from wrong, we are accountable for our own choices. Even though we know some of our problems stem from a dysfunctional past we really need to understand why and learn how to change the pattern. With that said, it seems it would be a good idea for you to seek professional therapy. It is likely most people on this site have been there, I have been there, and it is helpful for anyone who wants to make healthy changes. It helps you realize why you make the choices you do, and how to be the person you want to be instead of who you feel programmed to be. I don't think you are going to find too many kind words from people when you admit to deliberate betrayal of another person's trust. But, since you wrote here with concern for him, it does show you have goodness in your heart, and there is hope for anyone who acknowledges their own wrong-doing. The bottom line is until you want to change, and get some professional insight on changing your own patterns, this is going to continue. Perhaps it is a good idea to steer clear of intimate relationships until you get the help you need. All my best...
Sal Paradise Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 You're too immature and screwed up to be in an adult relationship. You know this isn't the dark ages, we have things like condoms and birth control. You have access to this thing called the internet, maybe instead of thinking of ways to screw over this poor guy you should think of looking into ways of not getting knocked up every time a guy sneezes on ya.
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