why do females pursue men who they know are committed to someone else???

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Good for you, then you wouldn't eat it off of someone else's plate. Then move on to another man as well.

 

Some people like leftovers...I know they always taste better the next day after you've microwaved them :lmao:

[MizFit]

Good for you, then you wouldn't eat it off of someone else's plate. Then move on to another man as well.

 

I see other men...he isn't a priority for me. He is well aware I date and am looking for a permanent partner. He knows that I may find someone and give him the bum's rush as I know he may get discovered, again, and I may get the bum's rush.

 

He has come to me 3 times now...the contact has come from him and the risk is his.

[MizFit]

Some people like leftovers...I know they always taste better the next day after you've microwaved them :lmao:

 

 

Hmmm...I tend to take leftovers and spice them up. Add a bit of chile here, a bit of garlic there...poof a whole new dish. He's vibrant and happy and alive with me. He may well be the same with his W, but I don't know that...I can certainly attest he is no bland leftover when he's with me.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

I see other men...he isn't a priority for me. He is well aware I date and am looking for a permanent partner. He knows that I may find someone and give him the bum's rush as I know he may get discovered, again, and I may get the bum's rush.

 

He has come to me 3 times now...the contact has come from him and the risk is his.

 

So your willing to play a part in ruining someone elses life/self esteem to be with a MM only to see other people on the side? This is the craziest thing I've ever seen. and it answers the question the OP was asking originally. People persue MM/MW because they are CAKE EATERS!

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Hmmm...I tend to take leftovers and spice them up. Add a bit of chile here, a bit of garlic there...poof a whole new dish. He's vibrant and happy and alive with me. He may well be the same with his W, but I don't know that...I can certainly attest he is no bland leftover when he's with me.

 

tell yourself whatever you need to hear mkay? thats what the game is all about...

[stillafool]

Some people like leftovers...I know they always taste better the next day after you've microwaved them :lmao:

 

Some will not only accept leftovers but will eat from the trash as well.

[NoIDidn't]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to say this as I am sure that there are plenty of OW posting that the MM "pursued" them as if that is where it ended.

 

A lot of women are in denial about how relationships start. See, WE, the women, give the men the signal as to whether we are available or not. We can't claim they pursued us, while responding favorably AND also doing MUTUAL pursuance towards them as well.

 

So when he says he's going to call and doesn't, don't you ask "Why didn't you call me"? That is mutual pursuing.

 

So you didn't make the first move, but you most definitely weren't some passive victim that accepted whatever came your way from a MM. In fact, most of you admit to reciprocating the pursuit eventually, saying he "wore you down".

 

Women are often in denial about the signals and signs we give men in approaching us, and how we mutually begin to pursue them. I think men initiate the pursuit, but its US, the women, that continue it because we wish to keep their attention. You know that old complaint among women about the things he "used to do"? That was when he did pursue us. And its when we start to pursue them.

 

Relationships are based on mutual pursuit and I think that is why the OP is asking why women continue to pursue a man's interest (regardless of what he may or may not have initiated) knowing he is in a committed relationship with someone else.

[MizFit]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to say this as I am sure that there are plenty of OW posting that the MM "pursued" them as if that is where it ended.

 

A lot of women are in denial about how relationships start. See, WE, the women, give the men the signal as to whether we are available or not. We can't claim they pursued us, while responding favorably AND also doing MUTUAL pursuance towards them as well.

 

So when he says he's going to call and doesn't, don't you ask "Why didn't you call me"? That is mutual pursuing.

 

So you didn't make the first move, but you most definitely weren't some passive victim that accepted whatever came your way from a MM. In fact, most of you admit to reciprocating the pursuit eventually, saying he "wore you down".

 

Women are often in denial about the signals and signs we give men in approaching us, and how we mutually begin to pursue them. I think men initiate the pursuit, but its US, the women, that continue it because we wish to keep their attention. You know that old complaint among women about the things he "used to do"? That was when he did pursue us. And its when we start to pursue them.

 

Relationships are based on mutual pursuit and I think that is why the OP is asking why women continue to pursue a man's interest (regardless of what he may or may not have initiated) knowing he is in a committed relationship with someone else.

 

Excellent post...a lot of sense in this and I agree with most. My comment will always come back to the man (WS)-if he wasn't making himself available then there would be no beginning to the pursuit in those cases. If there is no beginning there is nothing to respond to...I don't think you can wear someone down, I think they know full well they want to get 'caught' it's just part of the game-as you're noting in your post.

 

However...you can't get caught if you don't have someone chasing you.

[jennie-jennie]

As most are - I know I was

 

And I know I wasn't.

[greengoddess]

Excellent post...a lot of sense in this and I agree with most. My comment will always come back to the man (WS)-if he wasn't making himself available then there would be no beginning to the pursuit in those cases. If there is no beginning there is nothing to respond to...I don't think you can wear someone down, I think they know full well they want to get 'caught' it's just part of the game-as you're noting in your post.

 

However...you can't get caught if you don't have someone chasing you.

 

If you know you have no future with this man and are dating others then why? Seriously why see him when you know what a slimeball he is to put his wife through two ddays and then still persue you? Aren't you better than that? I hope you have to look in his childrens eyes one day and feel it when the third dday comes. I hope it happens soon. His wife is probably thinking they are fixing his marriage after he begged and pleaed but he is once again sneaking around with his very willing partner who is doing it for the thrill. Sheesh people have no heart. Are you prepared to have him full time when she throws him out?

[OWoman]

Maybe women stay with MM because they don't need everything (and all the baggage) that comes along with being so-called #1.

 

I don't see that people can really be owned anyway. We are not cattle. We are humans with free choice. Marriage and monogamy are societal conventions designed to keep us controlled, not reflecting on the true nature of our relationships.

 

well said.

[MizFit]

If you know you have no future with this man and are dating others then why? Seriously why see him when you know what a slimeball he is to put his wife through two ddays and then still persue you? Aren't you better than that? I hope you have to look in his childrens eyes one day and feel it when the third dday comes. I hope it happens soon. His wife is probably thinking they are fixing his marriage after he begged and pleaed but he is once again sneaking around with his very willing partner who is doing it for the thrill. Sheesh people have no heart. Are you prepared to have him full time when she throws him out?

 

Because I fell in love with him...if he seeks me out then I'm going to respond.

 

I would have no problem looking in his children's eyes any day...he is the one who betrayed their mother and he looks at them every day.

 

She read things the first DDay that would have sent most spouses running like their hair was on fire. She's made the decision to stay twice and neither are in counselling and have no intention to. There are many public and financial reasons they will try and keep this marriage together...how far they push it is up to them.

 

If she throws him out we'll do as we've discussed. See what happens. There are no guaranteees any which way you go...I may have found someone by that time. She may have found someone. He may have decided the M is worth reinvesting in. Who know...

[MizFit]

I believe you, thanks for the kind words. It has been a rough ride but not my roughest but very challenging.

 

 

It is tough and I have to say if I wasn't the arrogant 20 something I was when I was in the situation I'd have definitely done things differently. We can only make the best choices for our circumstances at the time...unfortunately I didn't handle it well and gave him the avenue to bring someone else in to take care of him. I wish I'd tried a little harder with the addiction and the rest probably never would have happened.

 

Got to love hindsight.

 

Don't forget to take care of yourself in all of this...sometimes we let ourselves go adrift at times when we shouldn't and don't even realize we are. You're far too bright and alive to lose yourself...much luck. xx

[PhoenixRise]

I am really glad Skylar posted her response in this thread.

 

Some of the OW posting in this thread are posting as if it is impossible for the premise of the thread to be true...that some women DO pursue MM.

 

Perhaps it is true that the individual situations of some of the OW who have posted here that the MM made the first move.

 

However only temporary amnesia could explain the fact that some are acting as though this pursuit of MM doesn't happen. Skylar posted here and has posted before about her pursuit of MM. There are other OW who post here in infidelity as well as the OW forum who say that they deliberately sought out MM and they have been open about their reasons for doing so. Some have even said they seek out seemingly happily married MM.

 

So....it happens and the original poster wanted to know why.

[OWoman]

Some have even said they seek out seemingly happily married MM.

 

So....it happens and the original poster wanted to know why.

 

I am one such. It's a question that's been asked many times (besides the three threads this OP started to ask the question) and answered many times. Anyone who was really interested could search the forum and find the countless threads where OWs have answered fully and honestly each time. Those of us who've already answered that question several times on these forums are less inclined to do so again simply because some people's fingers are too lazy to do a search.

[PhoenixRise]

I am one such. It's a question that's been asked many times (besides the three threads this OP started to ask the question) and answered many times. Anyone who was really interested could search the forum and find the countless threads where OWs have answered fully and honestly each time. Those of us who've already answered that question several times on these forums are less inclined to do so again simply because some people's fingers are too lazy to do a search.

 

 

Fair enough OWoman if you don't want to answer the question. It is however the basis of this thread.

 

Many questions are asked by people new to the forum that have been asked and answered repeatedly on both forums and people take the time to answer or not as they chose.

 

My point was that the OW who are posting here are pretending that you and other women who post here who also deliberately seek out MM don't exist.

 

The fact that in their particular cases the MM made the first move doesn't negate the fact that you and others do/did in fact seek out MM.

[grogster]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I want to say this as I am sure that there are plenty of OW posting that the MM "pursued" them as if that is where it ended.

 

A lot of women are in denial about how relationships start. See, WE, the women, give the men the signal as to whether we are available or not. We can't claim they pursued us, while responding favorably AND also doing MUTUAL pursuance towards them as well.

 

So when he says he's going to call and doesn't, don't you ask "Why didn't you call me"? That is mutual pursuing.

 

So you didn't make the first move, but you most definitely weren't some passive victim that accepted whatever came your way from a MM. In fact, most of you admit to reciprocating the pursuit eventually, saying he "wore you down".

 

Women are often in denial about the signals and signs we give men in approaching us, and how we mutually begin to pursue them. I think men initiate the pursuit, but its US, the women, that continue it because we wish to keep their attention. You know that old complaint among women about the things he "used to do"? That was when he did pursue us. And its when we start to pursue them.

 

Relationships are based on mutual pursuit and I think that is why the OP is asking why women continue to pursue a man's interest (regardless of what he may or may not have initiated) knowing he is in a committed relationship with someone else.

 

Good post, NID. Not all affairs are instigated by predatory married men. Most married guys are weak and flattered by female attention.

I know that I was very flattered by my married colleague's invitation for drinks at The Four Seasons and repeated dance requests at our Firm's holiday party.

 

My MW sent powerful signals of sexual and romantic interest. And, to my deep regret, I responded, and the "mutual pursuit" game was on. The rest is, as they say, history.

 

Now, however, after a 6 year separation, I'm reconciling with my wife.

 

Never say never.

[Spark1111]

Good post, NID. Not all affairs are instigated by predatory married men. Most married guys are weak and flattered by female attention.

I know that I was very flattered by my married colleague's invitation for drinks at The Four Seasons and repeated dance requests at our Firm's holiday party.

 

My MW sent powerful signals of sexual and romantic interest. And, to my deep regret, I responded, and the "mutual pursuit" game was on. The rest is, as they say, history.

 

Now, however, after a 6 year separation, I'm reconciling with my wife.

 

Never say never.

 

I agree, this is certainly the other side of coin! And eventually, no matter who pursues whom, IT TAKES TWO to enter into a relationship, illicit or otherwise.

 

Isn't that the definition? Of a romantic, sexual, intimate, friendly relationship?

 

Two people, now mutually attracted to each other, form one?

 

I think yes.

 

Regardless of who is pursuing whom initially. At some point, there HAS TO BE RECIPROCATION of those feelings of attraction for a relationship to begin.

[bentnotbroken]

Good post, NID. Not all affairs are instigated by predatory married men. Most married guys are weak and flattered by female attention.

I know that I was very flattered by my married colleague's invitation for drinks at The Four Seasons and repeated dance requests at our Firm's holiday party.

 

My MW sent powerful signals of sexual and romantic interest. And, to my deep regret, I responded, and the "mutual pursuit" game was on. The rest is, as they say, history.

 

Now, however, after a 6 year separation, I'm reconciling with my wife.

 

Never say never.

 

Good for you. You seem to be on the otherside of the darkness now. Bask in the light.

[Spark1111]

I am really glad Skylar posted her response in this thread.

 

Some of the OW posting in this thread are posting as if it is impossible for the premise of the thread to be true...that some women DO pursue MM.

 

Perhaps it is true that the individual situations of some of the OW who have posted here that the MM made the first move.

 

However only temporary amnesia could explain the fact that some are acting as though this pursuit of MM doesn't happen. Skylar posted here and has posted before about her pursuit of MM. There are other OW who post here in infidelity as well as the OW forum who say that they deliberately sought out MM and they have been open about their reasons for doing so. Some have even said they seek out seemingly happily married MM.

 

So....it happens and the original poster wanted to know why.

 

Phoenix, great post!

 

I have friends who have been divorced for many years and they have apprised me of the current dating scene.

 

More woman than men; more women wanting a man with resources and status to make the game more worthwhile; many not caring if he is married or not.

 

Yes, many woman openly pursue relationships with MM, especially those with resources.

 

Many MM, who want some fun on the side, pretend or exaggerate the resources they do have, to attract the women.

[OWoman]

Now, however, after a 6 year separation, I'm reconciling with my wife.

 

Never say never.

 

Wow, Grogster - such monumental news and you tuck it away so unobtrusively! Shout it out - it's taken you a while and a good deal of work to get there! Go Grog!

[bentnotbroken]

I agree, this is certainly the other side of coin! And eventually, no matter who pursues whom, IT TAKES TWO to enter into a relationship, illicit or otherwise.

 

Isn't that the definition? Of a romantic, sexual, intimate, friendly relationship?

 

Two people, now mutually attracted to each other, form one?

 

I think yes.

 

Regardless of who is pursuing whom initially. At some point, there HAS TO BE RECIPROCATION of those feelings of attraction for a relationship to begin.

 

 

So true. I know exactly who initiated. I know Mr. Messy did the pursuing. I know he made the first move. I know he did things for her that were designed to "wear her down". I also know she was married. I also know he wasn't her first. I also know she helped plan those little meetings. I know she is sent him text and emails. I know she looked me in my face and pretended that nothing was happening. That means she was a participant. Chase or not she made a choice to betray her vows and to help him betray his. You can't be worn down unless you remain in the situation that wears you down. Remove yourself and you remove the tools used to "wear you down".

[grogster]

Wow, Grogster - such monumental news and you tuck it away so unobtrusively! Shout it out - it's taken you a while and a good deal of work to get there! Go Grog!

 

Thanks O, for your kind words.

 

My wife and I are trying for a comeback. Will things return to the way they were before the Fall (ie, my affair)? No.

 

Yet, we both want to try to put this humpty dumpty of a marriage back together. I want to be a husband again.

 

And if we succeed, and I believe we will, you'll know because I'll be gone from here. For good.

[NoIDidn't]

Thanks O, for your kind words.

 

My wife and I are trying for a comeback. Will things return to the way they were before the Fall (ie, my affair)? No.

 

Yet, we both want to try to put this humpty dumpty of a marriage back together. I want to be a husband again.

 

And if we succeed, and I believe we will, you'll know because I'll be gone from here. For good.

 

I certainly wish the two of you luck. Repairing a marriage is, IMNSHO, a very worthy cause!

[stillafool]

I know that I was very flattered by my married colleague's invitation for drinks at The Four Seasons and repeated dance requests at our Firm's holiday party.

 

Was your wife at the party?

 

Now, however, after a 6 year separation, I'm reconciling with my wife.

 

Why?