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why do females pursue men who they know are committed to someone else???

yeyo tornapart

By yeyo tornapart
in Infidelity

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Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

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According to what I have read, MM are proven providers, take care of their clans physical needs, and have an air of stability in that they have been with one woman long enough to bear children.

 

They are viewed as alpha males, and it makes them more desirable to females of the species.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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correction: Except for one time (on vacation and this was a test for me.. :cool: to see if a MM who seemed so in love with his W would succomb, even after telling me he would never ever cheat :rolleyes:)... I never ever pursued a MM... they are the ones pursuing the OWs..

 

This does seem to be the experience of most OW. It seems the BS are the ones who prefer the idea of the OW pursuing.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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According to what I have read, MM are proven providers, take care of their clans physical needs, and have an air of stability in that they have been with one woman long enough to bear children.

 

They are viewed as alpha males, and it makes them more desirable to females of the species.

 

Sounds fair enough. We all want the alpha males, don't we?

reboot Established Member

reboot

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Amazing how some of you insist on turning every post into a BS vs OM/OW war. That's obviously not what the OP intended.

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yeyo tornapart Member

yeyo tornapart

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i dont understand how you can love or be in love with someone who you kno is not putting you first!

OFGnomore Established Member

OFGnomore

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ditto

 

But around these parts, the women who chase married men will give you a glammed up version of their reasons in order to justify themselves.

Like "his wife is just a terrible person" or my favorite "Because we love each other"

 

But really, it all comes down to VERY low self worth

 

For that same reasons men chase married women.

OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

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Please correct me if I am wrong but are you saying that OW have more to offer MM than their wives do?

 

Well, the MM apparently thinks so!

 

Why get involved with somebody else's man? Can't you tell that these guys are obviously no good if they are planning to cheat?

 

If they're "no good" as you say, then why are their W's still with them? The same (unanswerable) question could just as easily be directed at the BW.

 

But really, it all comes down to VERY low self worth

 

Again, you could turn this right around toward the BW and point fingers at her. Why would she stay with such a no-good cheating man???

 

I am beginning to think these questions can never be adequately answered. The issue is way more complicated than "the OW is desperate/needy/hates herself" or "the MM [my H] is no-good so don't get involved with him!" :confused:

 

I don't think it's going to do ANY of us any good to point fingers at each other, though, or claim to be holier/better than thou. It's simply not so. No matter what "side" you're on.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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i dont understand how you can love or be in love with someone who you kno is not putting you first!

 

But we are being put first. You got it all wrong.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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Well, the MM apparently thinks so!

 

I don't think that is neccessarily true. The OW may offer something different but not always better. If that was the case, more would leave their wives for the OW. As a former WS, I know that the ex-OM did not offer me anything better or more than my H could - although he thought he did.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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I don't think that is neccessarily true. The OW may offer something different but not always better. If that was the case, more would leave their wives for the OW. As a former WS, I know that the ex-OM did not offer me anything better or more than my H could - although he thought he did.

 

And you most likely thought he did at one time too.

 

What the OW can not offer is the sense of the already existing family. Thus the MM often keeps both: the wife for the sense of family and the OW for his other emotional needs.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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And you most likely thought he did at one time too.

 

Err no. I was just a cake eater. As most WS are.

OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

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As a former WS, I know that the ex-OM did not offer me anything better or more than my H could

 

Then why did you get involved with him?????? I think you're actually illustrating my point.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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Then why did you get involved with him?????? I think you're actually illustrating my point.

 

Because I was selfish, stupid, lazy (as in not working on problems in my marriage), enjoyed the ego boost, thoughtless, lacked self-control.....

 

I am not at all proud of what I did. But thankfully I have learnt and grown since.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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Err no. I was just a cake eater. As most WS are.

 

Because I was selfish, stupid, lazy (as in not working on problems in my marriage), enjoyed the ego boost, thoughtless, lacked self-control.....

 

I am not at all proud of what I did. But thankfully I have learnt and grown since.

 

Sure you are not rewriting history here? A good way to get rid of that guilt feeling is to become the bad guy I suppose.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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I was the WS at one time. I was looking outside my relationship because it did not fulfill my needs. I did however realize that the OM was not better than my SO, and thus returned to him.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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Sure you are not rewriting history here? A good way to get rid of that guilt feeling is to become the bad guy I suppose.

 

Not at all the case. I know how I felt and thought throughout the affair. I know that some may like to think that the OW/OM is the be all and end all but that is not the case in many affairs.

 

As for guilt. Well of course I felt guilt. In my marriage I was the bad guy. But I have dealt with my guilt and now feel remorse at my actions. As I said earlier - learnt and grown.

Jeff1962 Established Member

Jeff1962

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I'm not sure why some women and men seek other people whom are already spoken for. I've always been faithful and so has my wife, so I can only speculate as to the why.

 

Maybe it's unhappiness inside of themselves. Maybe they are trying to replace love with sex. For some, I'm sure it's just pure sex though.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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Not at all the case. I know how I felt and thought throughout the affair. I know that some may like to think that the OW/OM is the be all and end all but that is not the case in many affairs.

 

As for guilt. Well of course I felt guilt. In my marriage I was the bad guy. But I have dealt with my guilt and now feel remorse at my actions. As I said earlier - learnt and grown.

 

See my post above about my OM not being the all and end all.

 

I got pregnant - great - at this time, and was not 100% sure who's the baby was. So I sure had enough to deal with.

 

I just don't believe that guilt leads to growth, quite the opposite. And I can't help but still think you are rewriting your history, knowing that I have read posts about you considering leaving your husband for the OM.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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I just don't believe that guilt leads to growth, quite the opposite. And I can't help but still think you are rewriting your history, knowing that I have read posts about you considering leaving your husband for the OM.

 

Guilt does not lead to growth - confronting that guilt and dealing with the problems in my marriage has lead to growth.

 

As for my old threads - you obviously have not read them all because if you had, you would know that I went through a crazy period but never actually wanted to leave my H. I know that I made references to saying one thing but feeling another. I have not rewritten my history and I would appreciate it if you try not doing it for me.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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Guilt does not lead to growth - confronting that guilt and dealing with the problems in my marriage has lead to growth.

 

As for my old threads - you obviously have not read them all because if you had, you would know that I went through a crazy period but never actually wanted to leave my H. I know that I made references to saying one thing but feeling another. I have not rewritten my history and I would appreciate it if you try not doing it for me.

 

No, I have not read all your threads, so I might be wrong. But what I have read tells one story, and you are now telling a different one.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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Well it seems you know my story better than me :rolleyes:

JackJack Established Member

JackJack

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They do not care, plain and simple. MM who pursue other women or even OW who pursue other MM,do not care. They do not care who they hurt, its all about them and what they want/need. They do not care about others nor about themselves, if they did they would respect themselves and others boundaries, to not cross those lines.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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Well it seems you know my story better than me :rolleyes:

 

What I do know is that when we can't have something, we often tell ourselves we did not want it in the first place, so as to protect our hearts from the pain.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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What I do know is that when we can't have something, we often tell ourselves we did not want it in the first place, so as to protect our hearts from the pain.

 

Jennie Jennie

 

Is that why you want to twist my story? Because what I am saying is not what you want to hear? Because I am saying that most WS are cake eaters and do not want to leave to be with the OW/OM? Because I saw through the "fog"?

 

As for my "story".... I know the facts - all the facts. I know how I felt, how I thought and how I acted. I am also not in pain because I have a very happy and fulfilling relationship with the man I love and do not have to share with anyone.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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Jennie Jennie

 

Is that why you want to twist my story? Because what I am saying is not what you want to hear? Because I am saying that most WS are cake eaters and do not want to leave to be with the OW/OM? Because I saw through the "fog"?

 

As for my "story".... I know the facts - all the facts. I know how I felt, how I thought and how I acted. I am also not in pain because I have a very happy and fulfilling relationship with the man I love and do not have to share with anyone.

 

Anne, I see the world and try to interpret it from the life experience I have. I was a WS because I was not fulfilled in my relationship, not because I was a cake eater or the bad guy in our relationship.

 

My exSO however WAS a cake eater. But then he never had any long term affairs. His longest was less than half a year.

 

I understand that your life experience is different than mine and that you view the world differently. I understand that you and not I know the details of your life. But when we put our stories out here on LS they are available to be interpreted and misinterpreted by others here. I am not twisting your story to what I want to hear, I am telling you how I interpret it. How wrong or right I might be is another question.

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