psom Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 My husband has told me he and a young female coworker often make jokes about a local strip club. The coworker frequents the strip club with her boyfriend. It is notorious for bad, old strippers and is pretty much a running joke for the whole city. I'll call it Club X. However, today I was checking my husband's text messages to see if he needed to report to work. I found a text he sent to this coworker 2 days ago. It said "Are there any hot hookers at Club X?". I couldn't read her reply because my husband had deleted all his incoming texts. Without being able to read her response, I don't know if this is something I need to worry about or if this is just another of their jokes. The night after the text was sent he said he needed to go help a friend with some computer problems, but now I don't know if I should believe that's where he really was. I've only met the friend once and don't have an appropriate relationship with him to call and ask if this is true. Also found a text to the coworker sent a couple of weeks ago: "I have chains and shackles too. You know, you met the wife and kids." Again, could be typical banter - we all complain about relationships sometimes. But that together with the "hookers" text perplexes and concerns me, to say the least. I have not confronted my husband yet, because he ended up having to go to work and there just wasn't enough time. Before anyone asks, no, our sex life has not been great for a while and pretty infrequent. I'm just simply exhausted with work and the kids. I've heard some men will stray for this reason alone. What do I do?
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 So you think something is going on between the two of them or your H is out at the strip bar with a hooker? Instead of focussing on those texts (it really could be funny banter), try to reconnect with your H again. Get a sitter, go out for a nice dinner. Spend some quality time with him. Make the evening fun (tomorrow is Vday, any plans? Surprise him and do something fun. Then in afew days sit down and talk to him. Ask him what's up, and also how you two can improve your relatinoship/marriage. Seems you both have let life and kids get in the way and the intimacy has to come back, that's an important glue that keeps you two together as husband and wife..
Author psom Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Thanks so much for the quick reply. I don't know if something is going on with the coworker or a hooker. He and the coworker seem to have been texting frequently, while he doesn't do the same with his other coworkers. I'd love to reconnect with my husband, but with the idea in my mind that he could have already cheated, I don't know if I can bring myself to be intimate with him. If he did, was he protected? Not worth the risk of getting a disease until I find out what's really going on. Unfortunately, I don't know how to go about doing that.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 It's inappropriate for him to be texting a female co-worker and referring to his wife as a chain&shackles and asking about hookers, joking or not. Your H has poor boundaries. No amount of trying to reconnect is going to work if his mind is on hating you and loving the co-worker and hookers. You can try using a voice-activated recorder in his car, a GPS, set him up for a polygraph, go to your gyno and get tested for STDs, lots of things you can do right now to find out!
angie2443 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Also found a text to the coworker sent a couple of weeks ago: "I have chains and shackles too. You know, you met the wife and kids." Again, could be typical banter -? This would be typical banter from a man/woman who does not respect and cherish their partner. I've learned that in healthy relationships, spouses don't say disrespectful things about their partners to other people.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 No matter what is actually going on....Your H doesn't need to be texting some chick from work..its tacky and highly innapropriate. He needs to have respect for you joking or not, and you need to put your foot down. How would he like it if you have flirty texts from some guy at work?
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