Just moved to NYC

[alphamale]

Any advice for meeting new people and/or women in NYC? I'm just... so not into the bar scene, but it seems like that's what everyone my age seems to be doing when they go out.

i'm sure there are a lot of singles events in the big apple for 23 year olds

[jerbear]

I only mention it if asked in person -- but I am curious what you mean. Enemies and friends in what sense? Sudden interest side effects? Would love to hear more details on this so I can know what to avoid in particular. XD

 

Once someone learns about you, things can change. Your alumni network is very powerful. It was something I have learned along the way. As much as there is competition between the schools, the schools tend to like Ivy Leaguers. A Wharton grad would hire a Chicago grad and vice versa versus a Baruch grad.

 

"Enemies" as in your fellow associates do not have the same connections as you. When I was in NYC, I knew where certain people will be and which events. These people where typically their contacts boss' boss or higher.

 

Friends as in once they know your pedigree, the "network" tries to take care of you. I got a job because someone further up, whom I've never met, hired me.

[Lindarose84]

I echo the sentiments of jerbear and will add that yes, you can find like-minded folks in Manhattan, it just won't be easy. You've got to sort through all of the chaff to get to the good stuff which means putting yourself in a lot of social environments. Personally, to find the type of guy I like, I've stopped looking in Manhattan. Wannabes come in the male form as well and I've encountered them more than I'd like to. So I've started branching out to other boroughs.

 

If you don't want to encounter the status-hungry, I wouldn't make it a habit of mentioning where you went to school. I went to an Ivy and I sure as hell don't tell potential dates. Jerbear was right with the enemies and friends sentiment. Some people will automatically dislike you because they think that you think you're too cool for school (some losers actually do fall into that category- the aforementioned wannabes). Some people will automatically love you for what they think is in your wallet. To avoid, don't mention it at all. When people ask, I just say I went to a school in the particular city but I don't mention the name. Word of advice, if you don't want to come off as a d-bag, don't introduce yourself in such a manner: "Hey I'm Vertex, I live on Wall Street and I'm an Ivy league grad." Instant turn off.

[sid3]

Find some venues that host speed dating, you don't need to participate as most of the women tend to stick around once the event is over .You'll at least be in a bar where some of the women are open to meeting people. There are plenty of singles events worth checking out, meetups can be hit or miss.

[alphamale]

Word of advice, if you don't want to come off as a d-bag, don't introduce yourself in such a manner: "Hey I'm Vertex, I live on Wall Street and I'm an Ivy league grad." Instant turn off.

or "hi i'm vertex and i own a mansion und a yacht..."

[Lindarose84]

Well after having read Jerbear's description of what he/she meant regarding enemies and friends, it's a bit different from my interpretation- mine wasn't so much on the professional aspect but from the dating perspective.

 

I will reiterate what I mentioned in a prior post that you definitely should take advantage of your school's social club in the city and any alumni events

[Vertex]

Just to be clear, I don't introduce myself that way at all. XD I mention it in this thread for discussion purposes, but in real life I tend to keep quiet about it unless asked specifically. I usually just say that I went to school in Philly.

 

It's a shame though that a fair number of people in this thread have essentially painted NYC as a place where they didn't find what they were looking for. With such a huge city, that honestly makes me worry a bit.

[jerbear]

"Hey I'm Vertex, I live on Wall Street and I'm an Ivy league grad." Instant turn off.

 

or "hi i'm vertex and i own a mansion und a yacht..."

 

No no! It is I work on Wall Street, have an apt on Park Avenue or Fifth Ave, own a mansion in the Hamptons. Vacation in Nantucket and commute to work in a helicopter.

[Vertex]

No no! It is I work on Wall Street, have an apt on Park Avenue or Fifth Ave, own a mansion in the Hamptons. Vacation in Nantucket and commute to work in a helicopter.

 

"I drive a Hummer to the end of my driveway to pick up the mail, and that's all I use it for."

[jerbear]

It's a shame though that a fair number of people in this thread have essentially painted NYC as a place where they didn't find what they were looking for. With such a huge city, that honestly makes me worry a bit.

Each city has it's own vibe.

 

LA is more high maintenance and superficial.

 

NYC is more cut & dry, money money money, easy to dispose and move on. Only to find out later that no, you've just wasted 5 years disposing.

 

DC is more connections, politics and honestly you might find someone there FASTER BUT, you might get a "unflushable"

 

Boston is more open minded and quite frankly a more pleasant place. Cold but there are many people there I wouldn't mind pursuing.

 

Philly is just weird, to many undesirables in the city unless it was the burbs or UC/CC.

[jerbear]

"I drive a Hummer to the end of my driveway to pick up the mail, and that's all I use it for."

 

That was so last quarter!

 

That is why you have an nice young assistant drive the Humvee to pick up the mail, pay the bills, then "assist" you. :lmao:

[Vertex]

Have you ever had a chance to check out San Francisco? It was a pretty nice city from what I was able to briefly experience -- very hip and progressive. Can't comment too much on the women though, as I was only there for a few days.

[Itzonator]

Just to be clear, I don't introduce myself that way at all. XD I mention it in this thread for discussion purposes, but in real life I tend to keep quiet about it unless asked specifically. I usually just say that I went to school in Philly.

 

It's a shame though that a fair number of people in this thread have essentially painted NYC as a place where they didn't find what they were looking for. With such a huge city, that honestly makes me worry a bit.

 

That's why is called "The Big Apple" but it doesn't mean the apple is for everyone. Maybe is BIG, but the people are a lot, so keep this metaphor in mind. It doesn't mean when people do not get any success in NYC, you instantly won't. Keep with your goals & personal aims.

 

If you have big goals ... reading the newspaper, watching TV, drinking coffee, socializing with your co-workers may seem fun & enjoyable in a short term, but it inevitably leads to lack of promotion, under achievement and frustration in a long term.

[Vertex]

That was so last quarter!

 

That is why you have an nice young assistant drive the Humvee to pick up the mail, pay the bills, then "assist" you. :lmao:

 

I sense the birth of a new business idea...

[jerbear]

I sense the birth of a new business idea...

 

Don't forget the LGBT group, they tend to be affluent and have an market power of over $780 B!

[meerkat stew]

Disagree that you should not mention your school and work, or at least dependent on locale. DON'T mention your school or work on LES, Village, Tribeca, Soho, DO mention it in midtown UES, UWS, and Fidi. There are so many accomplished people in NYC that it's as common as asking someone what their rent is (normally not good conversation elsewhere, totally acceptable in NYC).

 

In your industry, it's common to discuss salaries and bonuses with complete strangers in NYC, just part of the vibe. Took me ages to get comfortable with this (though never proactively did it, just didn't turn up my nose at people doing it as much), as it's definitely NOT done where I'm from, or really where anyone else lives

 

People can tell when you are totally matter of fact and seeking commonality as opposed to bragging or posing. Your biggest problem is not going to be what to say when meeting people, but having ANY time for socializing during your time as an analyst and still doing the work that will be expected of you. Best wishes.

[pandagirl]

It's a shame though that a fair number of people in this thread have essentially painted NYC as a place where they didn't find what they were looking for. With such a huge city, that honestly makes me worry a bit.

 

Even though I've been single for the whopping 7.5 years I've lived here, I feel like moving to NYC is the best decision I've ever made in my life.

 

Sure, I didn't find love (well, that is TBD with the guy I'm currently dating!), but I found myself, my individuality, my career, inspiration and a group of amazing friends.

 

But yes -- finding your 'soulmate' here doesn't happen too often.

[Vertex]

Damn it. Maybe I made the wrong move... not giving up by any implication, but this thread is honestly a bit discouraging.

[pandagirl]

Damn it. Maybe I made the wrong move... not giving up by any implication, but this thread is honestly a bit discouraging.

 

Don't be discouraged! It isn't as bad as people are making it out to seem. I promise. Feel lucky you get to live in one of the best cities in the world.

[Vertex]

Don't be discouraged! It isn't as bad as people are making it out to seem. I promise. Feel lucky you get to live in one of the best cities in the world.

 

This is the mindset I had coming here -- but now I am second guessing my initial perspective. I'm really hoping I'm not going to end up as one of those lonely financial analyst guys who rarely socialize because he isn't into the hookup/bar scene.

[Beerme]

I think you had started a similar thread back when you decided to move to NY, right?

 

I lived in NYC for 2 years, and I still think it was the easiest place for me to meet women, and people in general. So many people are in your same situation, and all you need to do is find them. I worked in midtown, and ended up hanging out after work for a beer or two at a small Irish pub around the corner. I got to know the bartenders after a couple of weeks, and then I was introduced by them to all the regulars. Within a month, I had all sorts of people to hang out with.

 

As for meeting women, it occurred in lots of different ways. Once, I was working on a crossword puzzle on the subway, and a nice girl starting peeking at how I was doing. We ended up finishing most of it together, and we also ended up dating for a couple of months. I met a few women at some local galleries, and also met some when I joined up with an ultimate frisbee league. Of course I also met women in bars.

 

New York, like all cities, is what you make of it. It can be amazingly lonely, or it can be the most social city in the world.

 

By the way, its not like I'm some rich good looking guy either. I make a very middle class income, I'm 5'7",I'm asian, and just a regular looking guy. I've met my fair share of women that won't date me because of one or more of those traits, but there are tons of other women that will. I'm a good guy who is fun, intelligent, witty, and caring. My social skills get my foot in the door, and those traits take me the rest of the way.

[Vertex]

I'm a bit shy -- I open up after a while, but when it comes to meeting new people, I'm a bit reserved/quiet.

[Lindarose84]

I definitely wouldn't be completely discouraged but just be realistic in recognizing that you are living in one of the most sought after cities for singles (which is ironic seeing as how these same singles tend to stay single for years despite being around so many other singles!).

 

The problem is the mentality that many people possess that they are all that kid in the candy store. There are so many options from which to choose. Why settle for the candy with the black stripes when you can trade up for the candy with the black and red stripes. That's why people here can be so fickle and picky because they think they can and then reality hits when they're still bachelors and bachelorettes in their 40's. Too many people moving to the city because of "Sex and the City" and wanting to live that lifestyle.

 

You have your work cut out for you, I will say that, just as we all do here in NYC. Just make the best of things and hope you're one of the lucky few who find lasting love in the Big Apple.

[Vertex]

I went to a bar with some friends/my roommate last night, and damn... I am just never going to get used to the bar scene. It just feels so weird to walk up to random drunk girls to start a conversation about absolutely nothing. This is going to be a challenge. XD

[bigapplejen]

Hey, i moved to NYC about 8 1/2 years ago. Try meetup.com and meetmarketadventures.com. I didnt know many people here either other than my ex. Been divorced a little over a year, and am slowly building up my social circle.