Vertex Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 So I moved here to NYC a few days ago to start my new job over here as a financial analyst (I am 23 years old)... and yikes, I didn't fully take into account how few people I actually know over here. Granted, many people from my uni live in NYC now, but I just didn't really get close to too many of them. Any advice for meeting new people and/or women in NYC? I'm just... so not into the bar scene, but it seems like that's what everyone my age seems to be doing when they go out.
Lindarose84 Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 As a female in NYC it's unfortunate to say that bars/lounges/clubs are pretty much your best bet for meeting members of the opposite sex especially in your 20's. With that said, those places are not the easiest/best environments for striking up conversations (not only are you battling against loud music and crowded rooms, but you've also got to deal with the reality that most women don't want to be approached in those places). Soooooo you're left with the place most 20-somethings go to meet people when they're at their wits end with bars- online. Blah. It's funny because with NYC being so populated, many people find themselves feeling more lonely here than in most cities. Why? NY'ers aren't approachable. I know if some stranger tried to talk to me, I'd be reaching for my mace. I'd recommend the gym, but I'd hate it if guys tried to talk to me if I'm there to just work out and leave. However, at my gym, there are a few faces I've gotten familiar with and have become regulars. Now if they started talking to me, it'd be cool. So maybe that's something you can do? In what part of town are you? Btw, welcome to NYC!
jerbear Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I think you found a new friend! :lmao: anyway, I have to suggest joining a group or club you're interested in to "micro target" the audience. I still suggest you join the local alumni group as they share events with a different set of people. Pretty much you'll be casting a wider net to meet people professionally and personally.
Author Vertex Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 As a female in NYC it's unfortunate to say that bars/lounges/clubs are pretty much your best bet for meeting members of the opposite sex especially in your 20's. With that said, those places are not the easiest/best environments for striking up conversations (not only are you battling against loud music and crowded rooms, but you've also got to deal with the reality that most women don't want to be approached in those places). Soooooo you're left with the place most 20-somethings go to meet people when they're at their wits end with bars- online. Blah. It's funny because with NYC being so populated, many people find themselves feeling more lonely here than in most cities. Why? NY'ers aren't approachable. I know if some stranger tried to talk to me, I'd be reaching for my mace. I'd recommend the gym, but I'd hate it if guys tried to talk to me if I'm there to just work out and leave. However, at my gym, there are a few faces I've gotten familiar with and have become regulars. Now if they started talking to me, it'd be cool. So maybe that's something you can do? In what part of town are you? Btw, welcome to NYC! I live downtown but work in midtown -- I have a gym in my apartment building but it's generally pretty empty (and it's a good gym so it's a bit silly for me to buy a membership elsewhere. Also I tend to like somewhat emptier gyms -- less wait time). I feel like there's just so much to do here and yet I have no idea where to begin, haha. jerbear: Definitely -- I'll look into that tonight.
Lindarose84 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Don't let the gym in the apartment building be a deterrent. I have one in my building too and use it all the time, but I purposefully joined another gym in midtown so I could have an extra place to meet folks (I can't exactly meet people where I work since they're all married). I also second jerbear on the local alumni group. I'm a very active member in mine and go to their social events. I was surprised that I was able to go to one solo and still find others in my boat who were friendly enough to engage in conversation with me! There really is so much to do but that definitely increases the difficulty in actually picking from so many choices- my gfs and I have that dilemma every time we're looking to go out. Anyhoo, I know there are other NYC'ers here on LS, so hopefully they can chime and shoot some more advice your way!
OnlyJake Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Did you go to Artichoke Pizza yet??? You have to go!
Itzonator Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 As a female in NYC it's unfortunate to say that bars/lounges/clubs are pretty much your best bet for meeting members of the opposite sex especially in your 20's. With that said, those places are not the easiest/best environments for striking up conversations (not only are you battling against loud music and crowded rooms, but you've also got to deal with the reality that most women don't want to be approached in those places). Soooooo you're left with the place most 20-somethings go to meet people when they're at their wits end with bars- online. Blah. It's funny because with NYC being so populated, many people find themselves feeling more lonely here than in most cities. Why? NY'ers aren't approachable. I know if some stranger tried to talk to me, I'd be reaching for my mace. I'd recommend the gym, but I'd hate it if guys tried to talk to me if I'm there to just work out and leave. However, at my gym, there are a few faces I've gotten familiar with and have become regulars. Now if they started talking to me, it'd be cool. So maybe that's something you can do? In what part of town are you? Btw, welcome to NYC! I agree here that in NYC people are lonely as hell. I wouldn't say NYC is for long-term relationships ... dating ... it is more for one-night stand or something ... like some quick fix dilemma. It is more a business environment. If you crack the "dating code" in NYC ... you will become famous. Just do not do the things everyone else is doing. Do not follow the crowd ... this is a key principle right here, especially when you live in NYC. My point here is to not lose your unique personality, because of your encounters. They will influence you, but you must sustain your strong sense of identity. Women love that Make people to follow you, if you do NOT, you WILL follow them. People unconsciouslly are frustrated in terms of dating & relationships in NYC. I would say, intimidated to meet new people (strangers on the street or whatever). Just like our friend Lindarose84 said that she hates to be approached at a particular stuations. This is VERY COMMON in NYC & of course in the big cities in general.
Author Vertex Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Which is a shame, because I was hoping the countless number of people here would help me feel LESS lonely until I actually started making new friends up here.
Itzonator Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Which is a shame, because I was hoping the countless number of people here would help me feel LESS lonely until I actually started making new friends up here. Don't expect them to HELP you, but ironically you have to help them
starwolf242 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Where are you from originally? I moved to London from a small town when I was 18 thinking with there being so many people there I was bound to make loads of friends and meet men. Tragically, I only met friends and men from work and was very very lonely. With being a small town girl I don't think i was prepared for the anonimity of a big city. I think in major cities, people are worn down by bad experiences and the pace of life. I became very standoffish and aloof because I was so fed up with not meeting the right people that eventually I think people picked up that vibe from me and stopped approaching me. Once I moved out of London to a smaller city, my guard came down and I'm much more relaxed and friendly now. Although at 24 I still don't seem to be chatted up much..... maybe I'm still doing something wrong? Here in England, people go to bars specifically to be chatted up and meet new people but if what the other poster was saying about in NYC people don't want to be approached in bars perhaps your best bet is to try out some hobbies and establish a life for yourself. You'll meet people through those groups who already have a common interest with you and eventually you'll have a group of friends who have their own friends you'll have access to and before you know it you'll be popular and no doubt meet lots of women to date or a long term relationship depending on what you're looking for. I'd love to go to NYC. I enjoyed my time in London, and it definately made me grow up and become the strong, confident, self sufficiant woman I am today. My advise would be try everything, talk to everyone and take the learning curve in your stride.
monkey00 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 (edited) I've lived in NYC all my life and I still find it one of the most difficult places to meet women, or more specifically women that are looking for something serious. I've tried bars, clubs, speed dating, dating websites and only up until 2 months ago did I meet my SO from a dating website. I think since you're new here, maybe you should focus on making new friends here first and then focus on finding a girl. Because through those friendships will be you introduced to other people and with that women. A good place to start is meetup.com or craigslist and even look for activity partners, you might get lucky and meet a girl or girls for an activity. Dating websites are also an option as well. Though it never ceases to amaze me how much single and lonely people there are here (and I know many of these people). I find that the options of good looking people, the social nightlife here, coupled with the fact that people tend to build unrealistic expectations of what they want in a mate, make people extremely picky. Given this, I think it's a good idea to take advantage of any open opportunities to meet someone. Edited February 14, 2010 by monkey00
Itzonator Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I've lived in NYC all my life and I still find it one of the most difficult places to meet women, or more specifically women that are looking for something serious. I've tried bars, clubs, speed dating, dating websites and only up until 2 months ago did I meet my SO from a dating website. I think since you're new here, maybe you should focus on making new friends here first and then focus on finding a girl. Because through those friendships will be you introduced to other people and with that women. A good place to start is meetup.com or craigslist and even look for activity partners, you might get lucky and meet a girl or girls for an activity. Dating websites are also an option as well. Though it never ceases to amaze me how much single and lonely people there are here (and I know many of these people). I find that the options of good looking people, the social nightlife here, coupled with the fact that people tend to build unrealistic expectations of what they want in a mate, make people extremely picky. Given this, I think it's a good idea to take advantage of any open opportunities to meet someone. You got it ... good tips ... to get some friends to hang out, especially if you do not know anyone in NYC at the beginning. People just can't settle there ... it is always something happening. People experience lots of stress and anxiety in the big city. I was living there for 4 years, I loved it and hated it at the same time strange mixed feeling I think the key is to BE DIFFERENT, there are some commonalities that are proactively penetrating woman's awareness. It is obvious that people want to have something DIFFERENT, especially in dating. One of the reasons why people are lonely in the big city is because they are busy with EVERYTHING. For some, there is no time for personal life. This drives people crazy. With all living expenses in NYC, people live day-to-day, and that's the main reason to avoid meeting others. I do not think "meeting women" is difficult there, because they are all over the place but getting to know them is a different story. Everyone is looking for their own self-interest & that's the problem!
pandagirl Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Vertex, I wouldn't sweat it too much. As with moving to any new city, it'll take time to find your group of friends. I bet when you start your job, you will naturally gravitate toward coworkers that you get along with. Reconnect with the people you know from college. The thing about NYC is that most everyone here is a transplant. We know how it is to move to a big new city and, in return, we'll always take someone out for a drink!
Author Vertex Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 The thing that scares me so far is that almost every single girl I've met seems to be into much older men. XD
ella23 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 The thing that scares me so far is that almost every single girl I've met seems to be into much older men. XD Go for 18 year olds?
cognac Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 New York sucks! It's really hard to make any kind of meaningful and deep connection with people in every day life. People are either always on the run, really busy, or just not very deep. I did meet two wonderful friends who shared my interests by sheer coincidence on the internet 7 years ago when I was 14 (LOL) and we were best friends until recently when they both moved to Europe. Now I'm back to square one and got nothing to do on Saturday night . Snobby and standoffish, two words I'd use to describe New York girls. New York city women are always looking to upgrade and are really high maintenance generally speaking. It's pretty hard for an average guy who is not very good looking, gym body, and/or financially well-off to meet women here.
pandagirl Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 The thing that scares me so far is that almost every single girl I've met seems to be into much older men. XD You know, I hear all these stories about women in NYC, but it's only if you hang out in those circle. All my girlfriends are wonderful, non-superficial, intelligent women. That being said, I do think they're/we're the minority in this city. But then again, I live in Brooklyn. We're more mellow.
Itzonator Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 You know, I hear all these stories about women in NYC, but it's only if you hang out in those circle. All my girlfriends are wonderful, non-superficial, intelligent women. That being said, I do think they're/we're the minority in this city. But then again, I live in Brooklyn. We're more mellow. Vetrex she (Pandagirl) just put a huge headline in her ADVERTIZING AD. I am single and available, hey I also have wonderful, non-superficial and intelligent girl-friends. Why don't you two meet ... for a coffee or something. It might be fun afterwords ...
Itzonator Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Ths sh*ts and the giggles will be for my expense!
Author Vertex Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 pandagirl: Yeah, the problem is that many people from my school happen to be "in that circle." I'm a Wharton grad, and so there's a lot of money/"status" involved in things when it comes to many of my female peers. I'm basically just trying to pursue other circles and find likeminded people (I really, really love chill, intelligent women who want something a bit more meaningful). Itzo: Hahah, while I live very very close to Brooklyn (on a rather famous street, no doubt), pandagirl is a bit older than I am/more established and already has a boyfriend. To be fair, though, if our ages were closer, she'd totally be my type. XD Then again, one of my roommates is dating someone 7 years senior. XD Ohhhh, NYC.
Lindarose84 Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Haha welcome to my street. I utterly regret moving here and look forward to moving to a different part of town. I think if you're looking to find women who aren't looking for Mr. Moneybags (that's what women mean when they want to date older men), choose a different part of town. Granted you'll find the money/prestige chasers pretty much anywhere in the city, I feel it's definitely concentrated in this area. Too many wannabes with their Dior sunglasses on in the middle of winter, fake looking extensions walking their poodles in and out of their doormen building (I live in one so I see them wayyyy more than I'd like). I think if you want to increase your odds of finding the grounded, chill, intellectual types who aren't into going to the meatpacking district every weekend, try branching out to some of the other boroughs in terms of meeting locations.
Author Vertex Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Haha welcome to my street. I utterly regret moving here and look forward to moving to a different part of town. I think if you're looking to find women who aren't looking for Mr. Moneybags (that's what women mean when they want to date older men), choose a different part of town. Granted you'll find the money/prestige chasers pretty much anywhere in the city, I feel it's definitely concentrated in this area. Too many wannabes with their Dior sunglasses on in the middle of winter, fake looking extensions walking their poodles in and out of their doormen building (I live in one so I see them wayyyy more than I'd like). I think if you want to increase your odds of finding the grounded, chill, intellectual types who aren't into going to the meatpacking district every weekend, try branching out to some of the other boroughs in terms of meeting locations. It's hilariously eerie how accurate your description is and how it coincides with my opinion of what I've observed so far down here. XD I too live in a doorman building. I'm surprised at how many dog owners I've seen, especially! Do you think Manhattan is really that difficult to find likeminded people in? I was hoping that since it's such a huge city, surely I'll be able to find people who are on the same page I am. Maybe it's a naive view -- no idea. I'm just not your typical status-hungry male Ivy grad who hooks up with women every weekend. Maybe I've stepped into a suboptimal arena, here. XD
jerbear Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Well it is possible to find like minded people in Manhattan. I didn't find any interesting ones. What I have encountered is most women, (and the firm I used to work for) was not away of the connections that an Ivy grad has access to. The Harvard club is on the same street as the Penn Club and Yale is on the other side. Yes, there are status hungry people on both sides. It is possible to meet the ones but do tone the name of the school down to where it matters your professional resume versus your dating resume. I've experienced that once I mentioned Wharton or Penn, I suddenly get new enemies and friends. A side effect is sudden interests. Living in a door man world is not typical in NYC. Usually means you are college educated and a professional.
Author Vertex Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Well it is possible to find like minded people in Manhattan. I didn't find any interesting ones. What I have encountered is most women, (and the firm I used to work for) was not away of the connections that an Ivy grad has access to. The Harvard club is on the same street as the Penn Club and Yale is on the other side. Yes, there are status hungry people on both sides. It is possible to meet the ones but do tone the name of the school down to where it matters your professional resume versus your dating resume. I've experienced that once I mentioned Wharton or Penn, I suddenly get new enemies and friends. A side effect is sudden interests. Living in a door man world is not typical in NYC. Usually means you are college educated and a professional. I only mention it if asked in person -- but I am curious what you mean. Enemies and friends in what sense? Sudden interest side effects? Would love to hear more details on this so I can know what to avoid in particular. XD
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