Ashkayi Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I bend over backwards to make sure my fiance has everything he wants. He, however gives me the excuse, we'll i dont know what you like, *weve been together 3 years*. I know that he went all out in his previous relationship, but with me, he doesnt get me anything for christmas, birthday and valentines is tomorrow and again, "what do you want you pick it out". I know its petty, but for me, its like i dont mean enough to him to pick me up a 3 dollar card to show me he at least was thinking about me. I feel like that because his previous relationship failed he feels as though he doesnt have to do anything for me, and its really starting to bother me. And also, on my birthday (the 5th) he went out and bought himself a 2000 dollar computer and didnt even have the decency to buy me anything. Am I wrong for feeling like this?
OpenBook Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 He's lazy. And if you think it's bad now, just wait til you get married. You can't change him, however. All you can do is weigh it out, decide if you can live with this kind of thing for the rest of your life.
Clep Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I believe that showing one's SO that they are thinking of them and want to do special things for them is paramount to a healthy, long term, emotionally stable relationship. I would not at all find this acceptable and personally would not marry someone that had no interest in meeting important relationship needs. I do see this as selfish, and when one is selfish there isn't a real relationship, but a one sided arrangement in the best interest of the receiver.
JackJack Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 This is how your things will still be once you're married too. You're a giver and he is a taker. Unless he truly wants to change, expect this to continue and it will, as long as you allow yourself to be a doormat for him and let him walk on you. It was probably a learned behavior, by a parent or relative, it can be unlearned but with a lot of work and his willingness. Its really up to you.
SarahRose Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Why are you still with him if you are so unhappy?
Author Ashkayi Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 @sarahrose- Because I allowed myself to fall in love for the first time. Ive been in previous long term relationships and never really felt as though I loved them. When i first met my fiance, he was wonderful, (how every relationship starts) he bought me a dozen roses for our first valentines, actually two dozen. He made me a birthday cake the first birthday we had together. Now everything is about him, and we've already bought a home together, and my children live here and are close to him. He doesnt bother doing anything for me, and when he does its like its a hassle and it bothers him that he actually has to do something for me. Ive thought about leaving and i cant for the life of me walk out of the door. He is the worst bf ive ever had, and i have to relive his previous marriage constantly. How i say i love you to him, he tells me i cant tell him like that because thats how SHE said it. i cant wear a certain lotion because SHE used to wear it. Its been 2 1/2 years and i still hear about HER! I dont understand it. Everyone says i treat him 10 times better than she ever did, but he treats me 10 times worse. And noone would ever tell you that i was a bad person, and my ex would take me back if i called him right now. So i just dont get it. I love him and it hurts me that he treats me this way and it disgusts me because of who im compared to everyday. No jealous intended, shes just not a attractive, nice person. Inside or out. So yes, id love to leave just so many tight ropes holding me here. And no we dont have children, so it should be easy, right?
SarahRose Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I am wondering when he started being rude to you and thoughtless? Was there any certain event? After you moved in together? After you bought the house? You really can leave if you want. Why spend the rest of your days in misery? Life is too short for that. Get some legal advice about the house and plan to leave. You may love him but his actions say he doesn't seem to love you.
giotto Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 he needs IC... obviously his issues from his previous marriage are still unsolved...
jennie-jennie Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 How i say i love you to him, he tells me i cant tell him like that because thats how SHE said it. i cant wear a certain lotion because SHE used to wear it. This sounds like emotional abuse to me. When you can't be you, when you can't talk and act freely without him demanding that you consider what it does to him first. I have BTDT, been treated that way. It takes a heavy toll on you.
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