guy.lepage Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I took music lessons for almost five years with this teacher, a female who's about my age. I told her about a month ago that I would stop taking lessons for a while in order to re-assess my priorities. Among other things I'm considering going back to school full time. Anyhow, on my very last lesson I thought I'd bring a thank you gift so I brought a nice box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. She seemed very happy with the gift. That's when she mentioned that she had a pair of tickets to a concert and that we could go together if I felt like it. I was a bit uncomfortable, not because she isn't attractive, but rather because it was so unexpected and as far as I could tell, she has a partner. I managed to accept the invitation but not without looking a bit hesitant. Do you think I made a mistake and what should I expect from this situation?
neowulf Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 I was a bit uncomfortable, not because she isn't attractive, but rather because it was so unexpected and as far as I could tell, she has a partner. That's really the key bit there. You need to know for sure if she's in a relationship or not. Seems a little odd asking someone out to a concernt when you have a partner to go with. Just go and try and relax. If things start to get weird, deal with it then.
frenchgirl Posted February 13, 2010 Posted February 13, 2010 If you are honestly not interested in her in a romantic way, I'd say go to the concert. If you are somewhat interested while she's still in a relationship, I'd say back off. Is the concert related in anyway to your music lessons?
Author guy.lepage Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 That's really the key bit there. You need to know for sure if she's in a relationship or not. Seems a little odd asking someone out to a concernt when you have a partner to go with. Just go and try and relax. If things start to get weird, deal with it then. Thank you for the advice!
Author guy.lepage Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 If you are honestly not interested in her in a romantic way, I'd say go to the concert. If you are somewhat interested while she's still in a relationship, I'd say back off. Is the concert related in anyway to your music lessons? No the concert is not related at all. I had just never thought of her that way -- not even in a friendly way.
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Well, even if you are attracted to her, she invited you, and if she does have a partner, it is not for you to investigate her relationship status with some other dude. Now if she's married or engaged, that's a different story. I say if you're attracted - GO. If not - don't, because you're leading her on and getting her hopes up.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 I think you should step back and just tell her your flattered she invited you but you dont want any problems with anyone she's dating it' really looks inappropriate. And you are real leary of being alone with her in a say amorous or date-like setting. It'd be different if she was single. I would have been like play ball!!! lol.
Author guy.lepage Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 Well, even if you are attracted to her, she invited you, and if she does have a partner, it is not for you to investigate her relationship status with some other dude. Now if she's married or engaged, that's a different story. I say if you're attracted - GO. If not - don't, because you're leading her on and getting her hopes up. You certainly have a point here. She's mentioned her partner in the past but I'm definitely not aware of her relationship status. She was my teacher and our dealings were very professional. Her invitation came as a complete surprise to me.
Author guy.lepage Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 First of all, Happy Valentine's Day! I found out today she is definitely in a relationship, which makes this thing very odd (at least in my opinion). Do you think this is an appropriate thing for her to do?
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Are you serious or just naive!!! She's grooming you for something? how blind can you be! You know what she's attempting because you wouldnt be here on this board asking about it. You know.
Author guy.lepage Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 I guess I am a bit naive. In my world, things like this usually don't happen! I'm here debating this as some of my friends don't think a concert is such a big deal.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 First it's a concert, then it's coffee, then it's lunch. It's a natural progression. But hey i could be wrong, you'll see.
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Personally - I'm with your friends. I don't think it is a big deal. Sounds like she just isn't into her boyfriend anymore. OK that's his problem if you hit it off. Just go and find out her intentions, and if nothing else a night out. Don't over think, just do.
Author guy.lepage Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Thanks for posting. It will be one strange night for sure. Here's someone I've "known" for such a long time, although never in a personal context. And here we'll be attending a concert together (in two weeks). It's a strange world! Not sure about you but personally I wouldn't be cool if my GF went to see a concert with some other guy.
Sith Apprentice Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Is it appropriate? Absolutely not. 1. She already has a boyfriend. 2. Most teachers will tell you a teacher should never get romantically involved with their students. She's grown bored in her current relationship and is getting her ducks in a row before moving on to someone else.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Is it appropriate? Absolutely not. 1. She already has a boyfriend. 2. Most teachers will tell you a teacher should never get romantically involved with their students. She's grown bored in her current relationship and is getting her ducks in a row before moving on to someone else. ...I know and I told him to back off. never get involved with females if they are in serious relationships. That's just plain messed up. It'd be alright if she was single and he have a opoortunity. Also I agree with the whole teacher thing. the ethics behind this situation is outta wack. But she's not his high school teacher. A piano teacher? seriously? lol. To me in that scale the ethics is not that badly damaged. We dont really hold piano teachers to a higher standard then say High school teachers and politicians.right?
Author guy.lepage Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 She actually was my piano teacher (I quit) and we're about the same age so there's no authority or ethical issue here. I'm telling you, when she invited me I was going to say "why don't you go with your BF" but bit my tongue. I hesitated and she insisted that I go with her. Honestly, even if she were single I'm not sure I'd want more than a friendship...
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 She actually was my piano teacher (I quit) and we're about the same age so there's no authority or ethical issue here. I'm telling you, when she invited me I was going to say "why don't you go with your BF" but bit my tongue. I hesitated and she insisted that I go with her. Honestly, even if she were single I'm not sure I'd want more than a friendship... Then why are you going??? your putting much more thought into this than normal. something else is knawing at the back of your head. You know what it is. You have an inkling she's gonna sleep with you and by our accounts it's surely looking this way. what do you want? Do you want to sleep with her or not. be honest. Is she attractive?
Author guy.lepage Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Honestly she's attractive enough and I'm curious to know what's on her mind. Most of times I have to work hard to land a date. Here I get asked to go but the girl had to have a BF...
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 ...So you want to sleep with her. I knew it! But she has a boyfriend so I would back off if I was you. I know it's tempting but it isnt worth it. Believe me. If you want some sweet loving go to a club and pick up a chickenhead.
Author guy.lepage Posted February 15, 2010 Author Posted February 15, 2010 Thanks for the advice. Seriously, I wouldn't sleep with her unless she becomes single. But I'm really curious to find out whether she just wants to hang or if she has some kind of romantic interest for me.
Pink Cupcakes Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 Just go to the concert and find out. Possible she wants something romantic, possibly not. Maybe she bought tickets and her boyfriend isn't into this particular group that's playing and she just wanted someone to join her, considering your obvious interest in music.
A_guy Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I've taken a girl out because I had an extra ticket once. I'm a dude though and she was single.
frenchgirl Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 As previously mentioned, I think you should tell her you can't go. Seems to me like you are attracted to her.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 15, 2010 Posted February 15, 2010 I know it's a nice ego boost to get attention from the opposite sex. It sounds like you're having an internal moral debate. One one hand you are flattered and want to stroke that ego some more (it's ok, we all do it), but you feel sort of weirded out b/c she's not single (totally ok, I'd also feel the same way.) I have no advice, but I feel your pain!
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